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Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/22/2012 4:00:09 PM

DropDeadBarbie

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/2/2012
Status: offline

I have been a domme since I was 15 years old and have enjoyed every moment of it. Now I am 3 months pregnant and this is my first child. I have no idea how to balance being a domme and a pregnant first time mother. I don't have any friends that are mothers and dommes. I am at a loss and could use some help.

Post #: 1

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/22/2012 5:11:42 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DropDeadBarbie

I have been a domme since I was 15 years old and have enjoyed every moment of it. Now I am 3 months pregnant and this is my first child. I have no idea how to balance being a domme and a pregnant first time mother. I don't have any friends that are mothers and dommes. I am at a loss and could use some help.

For what it's worth: I am a sub-male and my first thought is "Awww, don't take on so!' I've come over all protective and stuff, on your behalf. The 'white knight' in me has been activated!

Do you have a sub male partner - and, especially, one who is the father? If so: please don't think that he'll automatically see you in some new light that will ruin your relationship with him. All males whose partners have become pregnant have to adjust, and most do so. Male sub partners aren't any different in that respect.

There are plenty of mothers who are also dommes using these forums. They found a way - so can you.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to DropDeadBarbie)

Post #: 2

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/22/2012 5:37:41 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DropDeadBarbie

I have been a domme since I was 15 years old and have enjoyed every moment of it. Now I am 3 months pregnant and this is my first child. I have no idea how to balance being a domme and a pregnant first time mother. I don't have any friends that are mothers and dommes. I am at a loss and could use some help.

Congratulations. Before delving into the BDSM I'd like to recommend a book called 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel, and another called 'What to Expect, the Toddler Years' by Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi Murkoff, and Sandee Hathaway. These will likely be at your local library, or they can borrow them from a nearby library. There's always Amazon.com or Ebay.

You will do what all of us do. Get a babysitter or let the infant have some quality time with grandma once or twice per week. If the father of your baby is still in your life and is trustworthy, he should have some time with his baby too. If/when you find a sub you want an LTR with...possibly you will find one who is like mine...a good service sub who was and is...a wonderful father. My submissive, while married to someone vanilla who cuckolded him, changed more diapers than the mother did and loved every moment of parenthood. Even after they divorced, she handed over the baby so she could have quality time with her new husband. bo is both mother and father to his daughter, even now when she is all grown up. What I am saying...is that with the right person you might have all the help you need, a D/s relationship that is 24/7, and family members or babysitters that will give you private time with your sub so you can get your groove on.

There is always the option of soundproofing a room and having a baby monitor plugged in.

D/s relationships can stay intact in daily life around family members...it's the kinky playtime that is more difficult to arrange. I do not have a soundproof room in my basement yet, and my finances are strained handling other priorities, but someday... In the meantime, I am blessed in that...my son loves going next door to play Yu-Gi-Oh and knows to phone before coming back home. (I bought him a flip top Trak phone for this purpose...he thinks the phone is so cool.) A lot of kinksters have families. You will find a way to handle yours.

Btw, I love that profile pic of the purple and black dress. Made me drool, lol. With the blood drinking...I would abstain while pregnant and nursing your baby. It doesn't sound safe to me, unless you are in a fluid bonded monogamous relationship and you've seen paperwork proving that the blood donor is HIV and Hepatitis, etc., free.

(in reply to DropDeadBarbie)

Post #: 3

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/22/2012 5:40:11 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

To the other femdoms here, especially those who are mothers:

Get on and help this lady with your wise advice.

And make it snappy. She, and more importantly I, shouldn't be kept waiting. Come along now - my patience is not limitless.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 4

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/22/2012 6:27:57 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

A lot of vital info is lacking here, like whether or not the father of your child is your current partner, whether or not he's submissive and, if he isn't your current partner, how involved he intends to be in raising the kidlet. If he's around, he can help you with infant care. If not, you'll have to create a work-around with the help of other relatives.

Beyond that, every pregnancy is different, but as long as you feel up to it, there's no reason you can't swing a flogger or wield a paddle. You just won't be wearing any fetish gear, including high heels, while you do it. Also, don't be surprised if you're too tired to play much. You are growing a human and most of your energy will go toward that.

After the birth, you will put all play on hold for a minimum of 6 weeks, maybe longer. That's how long it takes for your pelvis to move back into place after spreading to allow a baby to exit. It's also how long it will take for your kidlet to let you have at least 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep each night. IF, and that's a big if, you're very lucky. My youngest slept 6 hours at 6 weeks, but my oldest didn't sleep through the night until he was 2 years old. Expect to be sleep deprived and not really up for much play time for the first six months.

Once you've settled into a routine, you'll be better able to juggle Domme time and Mom time. Pack the kidlet off to Grandma's house for a couple's night or get accustomed to taking breaks during play time to take care of the baby. It's really not too difficult.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 5

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/23/2012 7:27:14 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: DropDeadBarbie

I have been a domme since I was 15 years old and have enjoyed every moment of it. Now I am 3 months pregnant and this is my first child. I have no idea how to balance being a domme and a pregnant first time mother. I don't have any friends that are mothers and dommes. I am at a loss and could use some help.

For what it's worth: I am a sub-male and my first thought is "Awww, don't take on so!' I've come over all protective and stuff, on your behalf. The 'white knight' in me has been activated!

Do you have a sub male partner - and, especially, one who is the father? If so: please don't think that he'll automatically see you in some new light that will ruin your relationship with him. All males whose partners have become pregnant have to adjust, and most do so. Male sub partners aren't any different in that respect.

There are plenty of mothers who are also dommes using these forums. They found a way - so can you.

(What he said).

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 6

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/24/2012 7:38:24 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DropDeadBarbie

I have been a domme since I was 15 years old and have enjoyed every moment of it. Now I am 3 months pregnant and this is my first child. I have no idea how to balance being a domme and a pregnant first time mother. I don't have any friends that are mothers and dommes. I am at a loss and could use some help.

Being a dominant woman is about you doing what you feel you need to do. Making the right decisions for the people that are in your care. Right now, you, and your baby, should be your priority. Any s-types that don't get that, that don't contribute to your wellbeing, shouldn't even be around. If you don't want play, then don't play. If you don't want sex, don't have sex.

There are no Dominant Woman rules. Contrary to what some seem to believe.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DropDeadBarbie)

Post #: 7

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/24/2012 7:53:04 AM

bighappygoth39

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline

I'll go along with what's been said already, though my experience has been more with older children. When mine were babies, I hadn't fully unleashed my D side, so I can only agree that it will definitely be hard work, but if you have the right support and a loving, caring partner, it will work out well.
I don't think you have to put all of the D time on hold for too long. Don't forget that you can give him tasks to do, even if it's just housework, that can be part of your D/s time. D/s doesn't always have to be about whips/paddles and crops, imo, but we're all different and have different tastes.
For me, when I see my partner my children are mostly not here, but even when they are, it doesn't stop us having fun. We(I) just have to be more quiet while doing it.

Good luck and feel free to message me, anyway.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to DropDeadBarbie)

Post #: 8

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/24/2012 3:24:29 PM

DropDeadBarbie

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/2/2012
Status: offline

To everyone who have given such great advice I thank you greatly. As to more background information my child's father is overseas for at least a year which is fine because our last go round was a goodbye and good luck type of deal. I've spoken with him several times since I found out about my pregnancy and he wants nothing to do with us but that's his choice. Im big girl I've taken care of myself most my life and this will just be a new challenge for me. I don't currently have ownership of a sub that's why I came back here to CM but now that it's out that Im pregnant the subs I viewed as viable pets have jumped ship. So Im on my own on my D/s lifestyle as well.

_____________________________

I Wasn't Born With Enough Middle Fingers

(in reply to bighappygoth39)

Post #: 9

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/24/2012 7:48:24 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Being a single parent is a tremendous job. This really isnt the time to focus on anything as demanding and needy as a submissive. ( and I don't mean that as a slam, gentlemen, submissives are work regardless of gender)

Most of my friends in the scene are parents. They adapt. Kids change your life forever, and some things get put on the back burner for awhile. The replicant will be a brilliant screener for sincerity!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to DropDeadBarbie)

Post #: 10

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/24/2012 8:23:00 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I absolutely agree with Hibbie here, you don't need to worry about being alone in the life-style, women are in short supply, but yes, most submissives are quite needy, so just make sure things are going alright for you and the baby, the rest will come all by itself...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 11

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/25/2012 4:39:43 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

While it is understandable that you have taken care of yourself, this is not about you. The father (or sperm donor if you prefer) does have the right to decide not to be part of your child's life, but that does not free him of his financial responsibility. It takes two to make a child, and I read a recent article that it costs something like $120K to raise one. Don't be foolish and try to do it on your own.

(in reply to DropDeadBarbie)

Post #: 12

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/25/2012 4:58:20 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I absolutely agree with Hibbie here, you don't need to worry about being alone in the life-style, women are in short supply, but yes, most submissives are quite needy

Possibly - as, I've been surprised to discover, are a lot of Dommes. But *all* babies are *very* needy - she may not want a needy sub to compound her problems.

Barbie: I have a slight feeling that you might be quite shy. Is this true?

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 13

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/25/2012 9:27:53 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DropDeadBarbie

To everyone who have given such great advice I thank you greatly. As to more background information my child's father is overseas for at least a year which is fine because our last go round was a goodbye and good luck type of deal. I've spoken with him several times since I found out about my pregnancy and he wants nothing to do with us but that's his choice. Im big girl I've taken care of myself most my life and this will just be a new challenge for me. I don't currently have ownership of a sub that's why I came back here to CM but now that it's out that Im pregnant the subs I viewed as viable pets have jumped ship. So Im on my own on my D/s lifestyle as well.

I checked out your profile... and you at least live in a beautiful urban area! I'm sorry that the father isn't interested, but that doesn't mean that you can't build a support system of your own. It also doesn't mean that you have to give up D/s, either. Focus on your baby and yourself, and reach out to other moms in your area. I am absolutely sure that there are other single moms out there.

Your energy will come back in a month or so!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to DropDeadBarbie)

Post #: 14

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/25/2012 2:35:16 PM

CougarRick

Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline

I imagine it might be the same as keeping ones vanilla sex life a secret from their kids.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DropDeadBarbie

I have been a domme since I was 15 years old and have enjoyed every moment of it. Now I am 3 months pregnant and this is my first child. I have no idea how to balance being a domme and a pregnant first time mother. I don't have any friends that are mothers and dommes. I am at a loss and could use some help.

(in reply to DropDeadBarbie)

Post #: 15

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/27/2012 7:17:06 AM

myrgth

Posts: 36
Joined: 8/20/2011
Status: offline

You have gotten some good advice.

I think that it is completely normal to try and project how having a child will change your life. Many things you can pretty much guess but there is so much more that will come out of left field.

What is your support structure like? Family, friends, etc? While having friends in the life is nice, having a support structure is paramount.

As to finding balance right now - it comes in the doing. Go with what works for you, discard what doesn't. The great thing is you still have approx. 6 months to figure it out before baby comes on board.

After that, well, the first few years you will be tired. Unless you are in an established relationship, odds are too tired to worry with or be inclined to pursue one. Which is fine and really, gives you and your baby much needed time to bond and find a good rhythm and flow in life.

Advice I always give new parents, especially new single parents, is to not forget to make time for yourself. Two hours a week, one day a week, a day every couple weeks, every other weekend, one weekend a month - whatever works and you can afford, have someone else take your child for a time period and just be you. If all you do is sit in your quiet house and relax, that's fine. I had every other weekend to myself when my children were young. It kept me balanced, gave me time for adult pursuits, and made me a much happier and focused parent. Their dad kept them, a family member, a friend, or a paid a childcare provider. Making friends with other single parents is ideal because you can switch off weekends with them. Kids get to play with friends, parents get a break, it's win/win for everyone.

As to relationships and such, again, the balancing is in the doing. Don't be concerned that having a child will make you less, erm, marketable so to speak. It's never being a parent that others find issue with, it's being a bad parent or the inability to be a good partner. Make sure you don't fall into that and you will be fine.

Best of luck!

(in reply to DropDeadBarbie)

Post #: 16

RE: Being a Domme and a Mother - 5/27/2012 7:10:14 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

try to find a sitter and allow yourself to go out once and awhile even just to see otheres play for a hour or two you have to find ballance. you and child are first play next enjoy the comming birth

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LadyPact

(in reply to myrgth)

Post #: 17

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