How do you make 'snap judgements' online

How do you make 'snap judgements' online (Full Version)

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kalthus -> How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 4:19:37 PM)
Just read an interesting personal add, where someone was saying that she is looking for a good Dom, but then goes on to say that she is bored of people sending her messages saying that they are a good Dom..... er[:-] Got me wondering - If you can't just SAY you are good, er - how you you make that point? My feeling is that it's more to do with the tone of the memo. I can't tell whether someone is a good sub or not, but I can pick out a few things about them, like sense of humour - but even then, some people just don't write as effectively as they would like. So - how do you get across to aportential sub that you know what you are doing, without actually saying anything? Just curious to know what peoplem think.

angelikaJ -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 4:32:14 PM)
Perhaps you tell her what makes you tick, or you give her examples of how you like to dominate/be dominant.

OsideGirl -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 4:45:15 PM)
Why don't you ask her how she qualifies those emails? I would suspect it's different. For me it someone that had an opening email that showed they were a human being before anything BDSM D/s related.

DarkSteven -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 5:07:31 PM)
The very first thing I'd do would be to read her profile and ask myself if she'd be a good match for me and I for her. If her profile and my style mesh, then by the time I contact her, I feel there's a fair possibility things could work. I'd never tell her I'm a good Dom. If she doesn't feel it, if she doesn't feel compatibility, it doesn't matter what I say or think. If we did get to that point, I'd be talking with her, asking her about herself, telling her about myself. Finding out what makes her tick and letting her know what makes me tick. Since she considers herself a straight female sub and I'm a straight male Dom, the D/s interaction will probably work out at least as well as other compatibilities.

poise -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 5:24:49 PM)
Granted, we are on a kink site, but isn't it fair to assume that all subs would want a "good" Dom? I bet she would get just as many responses if she said "I'm looking for a man with 2 arms". I would rephrase it to something like I'm looking for a man who can inspire me... If I were a male dom, I would follow the same approach as Steven...minus the beard. :)

OsideGirl -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 5:51:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise Granted, we are on a kink site, but isn't it fair to assume that all subs would want a "good" Dom? I want to be collared to a crappy Dom. One that won't have sex with me, but will expect me to drive two hours to see him twice a month, blow him, give him money, clean his house and then expect me to go home to my husband that is just like a roommate even though he's crazy about me. How's that? (Sorry, couldn't resist)

DesFIP -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 5:54:49 PM)
Applause!

poise -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 5:55:21 PM)
Que mala! [:)] I sit corrected (and poised!). I should have said most.

DesFIP -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 6:01:01 PM)
If something you say that shows your sense of humor, matches my sense of humor, then I'd feel a click. The same way I would if we met at a party and you said something that just sparked a response in me.

littlewonder -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 9:54:00 PM)
You can't. That's what face to face real life meetings are for. You can say anything and everything online. Doesn't mean it's true or not true. I personally take everything, absolutely everything online with a grain of salt. When I met Master, we spoke online for years, but until I met him offline after many dates and over time, did I know that he is a man of his word and he's not just telling me things to make me fall for him.

ResidentSadist -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 10:16:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: poise Granted, we are on a kink site, but isn't it fair to assume that all subs would want a "good" Dom? I want to be collared to a crappy Dom. One that won't have sex with me, but will expect me to drive two hours to see him twice a month, blow him, give him money, clean his house and then expect me to go home to my husband that is just like a roommate even though he's crazy about me. How's that? (Sorry, couldn't resist) Your desires warm the cockles of my heart.

kalthus -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 10:52:24 PM)
Poise, that was hilarious! Thank you folks, your point is well made. Just for the record- this was a general comment someone made on their profile, not a response to anything I had written. I have not, nor shall I ever, take time discussing my Dom skills, boy scout ropework badge, complete collection of Gor books, train set transformer, hand carved butt plug in the shape of 'the Scream' or anything else of a kinked up nature. But it got me thinking aboutwhat people include in their introductions.

subbyinlosangele -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 10:55:51 PM)
You read her profile. And explain why you are writing to her specifically. And you be real. By that I mean, you're not just trying to "get" her. You are genuinely telling who you are to see if you are good match.

Thaz -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/24/2012 11:31:07 PM)
Not mailing 'I R GUD DOM SUBMIT 2 ME NOW. OR I KILLLLLLUNOW' with attached picture of a cheap flogger and cock shot? Or replicating any of the 'return to sender' mails from fetlife :-)

OsideGirl -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/25/2012 6:46:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: poise Granted, we are on a kink site, but isn't it fair to assume that all subs would want a "good" Dom? I want to be collared to a crappy Dom. One that won't have sex with me, but will expect me to drive two hours to see him twice a month, blow him, give him money, clean his house and then expect me to go home to my husband that is just like a roommate even though he's crazy about me. How's that? (Sorry, couldn't resist) Your desires warm the cockles of my heart. You want me to call a doctor? [;)]

Kana -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/25/2012 7:51:26 AM)
Who wants a good dom? 1-Settlers-cuz they shoulda gone for the great dom! Softies for two. That's who. :-) The gals I like, they wanna bad dom, a guy who can be bad all the way through, he thinks about ways to make her mewl when they sleep, a male who is a bad bad man

kalikshama -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/25/2012 10:31:10 AM)
quote: How do you make 'snap judgements' online I form an initial impression based on his profile and pictures, and go from there. The impression I get from your kink-focused profile and lack of pictures is that you are looking for a fuck buddy and might be married or just can't be arsed to anonymize a picture. This is NOT the impression I get from your forum posts, into which you've put way more effort than you did your profile. You mention Gourmet Cooking as a Skill - why not write a few lines about that? Ditto for Yoga, etc, etc - give her an idea of you as a person. You're here - she already knows you are kinky.

JeffBC -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/25/2012 12:53:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalthus If you can't just SAY you are good, er - how you you make that point? My own opinion? You can't because you don't have a point to make. As others have noted, the phrase "good dom" is going to be highly subjective. You cannot possibly know whether you are good for some specific person or not until you've had plenty of time to interact with them. What you CAN do is come to some feeling why you think you and the other person might be a good fit. Then you can attempt to explain that reasoning to the other person. If they agree, move one step forward.

Salinedion -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/25/2012 1:19:03 PM)
Why not just start talking to her like at a party? Lead off with I liked this and that in your ad, and then do a little free form bit about what you're doing right at the moment and put in some some possible affinity building details, like "I'm listening to whoever Arcade Fire may or may not be at the moment". Maybe she loves or hate whoever Arcade Fire are, Maybe she loves or hates your internet picture face. Who knows? She's making snap judgements, you're making snap judgements. It's what scanning the internet personal ads is all about. You can't control her judgement process. Hell, you can't even control your own. I met my kinky wife on a mutual support forum. Under interests, I put whips and chains. My then-vanilla sweetie had to pull a kinky discussion out of me. It drove her nuts in a good way. Maybe by laying back, you can get more nibbles. #1 rule in sales is show, don't tell. You don't have to be in dom-voice mode all of the time, just be normally confident.

mnottertail -> RE: How do you make 'snap judgements' online (5/25/2012 1:24:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: poise Granted, we are on a kink site, but isn't it fair to assume that all subs would want a "good" Dom? I want to be collared to a crappy Dom. One that won't have sex with me, but will expect me to drive two hours to see him twice a month, blow him, give him money, clean his house and then expect me to go home to my husband that is just like a roommate even though he's crazy about me. How's that? (Sorry, couldn't resist) You'd have to move alot closer to be within two hours of me, but once you accomplish that, I will put you under consideration. Cuz I like that profile.

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