Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (Full Version)

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Whiplashsmile4 -> Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/24/2012 6:23:36 PM)

What never ceases to amaze me are how dynamic (changing) concepts are presented in static (unchanging) ways. People expressing that they looking for this, that or another thing from a relationship. That they are looking for this, that or another thing from somebody. That they even have This, that and another thing to offer.

"This, that or another thing" can be many things on people's lists.

For example: Being Sensual can fall under "This, that or another thing".

I'd like to think of myself as being Sensual, I know I enjoy it when I'm feeling extremely Sensual with somebody else. However, the truth be told. Around most people, I'm not very sensual towards them. In fact, there are people which I make it a point to be extremely distant from.

I've been in relationships where there was an extremely strong sensual connection flowing, like a deep river. Other relationships, where the sensuality was dialed way back. I'm into analyzing it either. I've had some one night stands that were extremely sensual and others which were not.

So am I really sensual or not? My honest answer to that question is...it all depends. Why? because it's rather dynamic, at least for me and based upon my own experiences.

Same holds true for me, when it comes to being "this, that or another thing" regarding being sadistic. I've taken pleasure and delight in sadism. Yet, I can be 180 degrees in the other direction and find Zero pleasure and delight in it.

What's mind blowing is how the chemistry is always different. The out come of what happens when two people get together (be it for long term, short term or a one time flig).

There's many things to which I am or am not, and it's all rather dynamic.

I've been extremely Dominant towards some and very much less Dominant (unless provoked) towards others.

I'm rather selective about who and what I'm D/s'ing anyways. I've micromanaged shit and I've also could have cared less about trying to do so.

Don't get me wrong, I have must follow rules, deal breakers, desires, needs, wants and wishes.

I can't promise anybody that I'm going to be an AMP'd up Sadistic 24/7 anymore than I can make promises that I won't be into hurting them (because that will cross my mind, if I'm really into them). Hope this makes sense to somebody out there.

If I'm feeling it, sure... I'll tell somebody straight up. How much I'm into doing XYZ or Not with them. The most I might be feeling for "this, that and another thing" is a mere fucking blow job with a chuk'em attitude afterwards.

It's weird, how I'm wired to want to fuck somebody, or be sensual towards/with, or even sadistic towards/with. I've been sensual with women which I had no sexual interest in, I've seen sexual with women I've had no interest in being sensual with. Toss in Sadism and the combinations grow. Simply Add other things into "this, that and another thing"... you get the idea of the combinations that can arise.

I try to simply roll with whatever connection I'm feeling or occuring. I really don't like thinking about this too much. Yet, at times I'm forced to when engaging in conversations online.

I don't know if I'm perhaps a little more diverse and dynamic in some areas compared other or not.

I just know this is what holds true for me when it comes to being "this, that or another thing".

Thanks for taking the time to read all this. Hope it makes sense to somebody out there.





poise -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/24/2012 6:49:30 PM)

.......and a bag of chips!
I enjoyed reading your thoughts, and they make perfect sense to me.



RemoteUser -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/24/2012 7:34:12 PM)

I actually prefer this type of flexible communication, much better than a pile of cookies cut from the same opinion.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/24/2012 7:42:04 PM)

You're a complex kinda dude, Whiplash. [;)]



JeffBC -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/24/2012 8:18:29 PM)

In my experience things on the internet are an awful lot more black and white than they are in the real world -- at least my real world. To me, what your post is saying is that you're a real genuine human rather than a cardboard cutout on some discussion board on the internet.



DesFIP -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/24/2012 8:48:23 PM)

On the flip side, some of us want relationships which will last and we know what we need in such a relationship. If emotional sadism isn't something I can deal with long term, I have no problem being static and saying I'm not open to that.

For a night or a few, you can deal with anything. For a stable, decades long relationship that isn't true.



littlewonder -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/24/2012 9:47:35 PM)

I know for me there's a little flexibility when I was single and looking for a relationship but overall, I wanted the exact same things from whoever I was searching for. I know exactly what works and doesn't work for me and I am not really big on change or anything that is not stable. I like to know exactly what I'm getting into and I want to know that the man I'm looking for has the qualities I want in a man. For me personally, when I was searching, yeah it was a lot like ticking off the boxes. If he didn't have the qualities and sexual attraction and dominant personality I needed then I passed him by and continued on my quest. And I'm glad I did so or I would never have ended up with Master. He is everything I was looking for and more.



Whenready -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/24/2012 10:59:27 PM)

So one might summarise that by saying: there are lots of things I like, but I like to go with the flow?



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/24/2012 11:03:37 PM)

littlewonder,
While I have some flexibility there are a number of things which I'm not very flexible on at all. Many times when I know without a doubt when it's a good fit or not. There are a number of qualities which I'm totally taken in by and love, want and desire. There's also a set of qualities which I don't want any part of. Actually, these things have been a steady constant in most of my relationships.

It's the not so great qualities, which end up biting you in the ass. Optimism can be your enemy as well as your friend (go figure!).



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/24/2012 11:48:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready
So one might summarise that by saying: there are lots of things I like, but I like to go with the flow?


There are a lot of things I like, and only so many hours in a day to do them in. If you are doing something you like to do and enjoy. Sure, go with the flow. The flow can be a thought which enters your mind. A spark of impulse or inspiration. Perhaps this weekend, I might take off and go to the Baltimore Aquarium. I enjoy Marine life and many things connected with water. Does this mean I live and breath it 24/7? But does this also mean, I won't one day make the choice to go out and buy a lot of Water themed decorations, fish tanks and get into things way more than I am? I actually did this for awhile in my life before. Perhaps I'll do it again, or not. Right now, I don't own a fish tank. Do I Love fish tanks, you bettcha I do.

What I am trying to express, that "I will be, what I will be". I'm not some carved in stone etched out being. However, I'm strong as a Rock when being there for somebody. In fact, I've been refered to as being "A Rock". Solid and consistent. Hell, I've been called None Judgemental (even though I consider myself a little bit of a judgemental bastard). I can hold down a conversation about sublime things to more intelligent things.

Fuck, I was having a conversation with somebody earlier today about H+ (Hydrogen ions), pH balances and etc earlier today. I don't have a problem not not talking about Geeky things. I'll carry on a conversation about the sand beneath the feet, the sensations and feel of the ocean breeze. I'll even sit or lay in the grass at times, playing spot the shape of the cloud. Earlier today, There was an Elephant in the sky (that's what the cloud looked like). I love engaging in conversation about M-theory, Database design, or talking trash about stupid people that can't do basic math, or have basic life skills. I'll engage in conversation about Music. I love music. I love playing music. I Love BDSM, I'll sit and talk about crazy kinky shit. I have a dark sense of humor. I'll say some truly sadistic sounding shit at times.

Yet, I'm also a caring person. But not always. Some people get exactly what is coming to them. There are times when I'm basking in Glee over somebody getting exactly what they deserved. There are moments, when my heart goes out to a total stranger.

A girl fighting an ugly life threatening battle with cancer, yet is holding onto some shred of light in her life. Shit like that touches my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Some crack head that's been in/out of rehab, that has stolen a lot of shit from their family and friends. The kind of person which Maxed out their Parents life savings for drugs, and going to rehab and jail has not made a difference. When I hear of them finally OD'ing and are found Dead in an Ally. I'm Happy the world is free of their menacing ass.

I don't believe in this "We are the World, We are the People" everybody sing along in Harmony crap. Personally, the world is a better place without some people in it. Tell me, do I sound very Kind hearted and caring right now? I've given people money or done things out of my heart to help them. I've been there for a number of people, in their darkest hours. But these are people which actually deserved and needed the Help.

I have a kind heart, yet I'm also a heartless Bastard. I go with the Flow of what I'm thinking, feeling and how things are clicking. That alone is worth every breath I've taken in life so far. If somebody takes the time to get to know me, they will learn the ranges of things I'm into or not.

Also, make no mistake... I'll go with the flow on my own. Actually, I tend to roll on my own about 85% of the time. Which I was explaining to some Dude. If I feel like going to the resturant for breakfast in the morning I'll go. I don't have to have anybody with me to go to the Movies, a Bookstore, or to a resturant.

I hate riding along with people most of the time, and even having too many tag alongs. Why? Because I want the freedom to jump into my car and leave or do something else. This is just the way I roll. Trust me, those people that do tag along with me, unless they need to be somewhere specific, are tagging a long to where ever I'm going. I might stay a bit longer if they are into things where we are at. However, if it's taxing on my nerves and I want to go. We're going. It's a bit different, if say... we end up at a store and I know there are shopping for something specific. Then hanging around there a little extra longer even if it's taxing on my nerves, I'll do it. It's helping them out, and it's making the trip productive. So I do have a degree of Logic behind my own madness.

I hope this gives you a little better idea, as to the flow of things.



littlewonder -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/25/2012 7:07:24 AM)

I understand what you are saying, that you have a lot and varied interests and some people, like you, have that option of having a wide berth in which to fish.

However, I admit I don't have a lot of interests and yeah, you could say I'm pretty carved in stone. Anyone could easily figure me out. It's not that difficult at all lol. I'm extremely selective in almost everything I do in life, be it interests, hobbies, friends, mates, etc...I don't have the energy for more than what I can handle which really, isn't much.



LaTigresse -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/25/2012 8:45:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

What never ceases to amaze me are how dynamic (changing) concepts are presented in static (unchanging) ways. People expressing that they looking for this, that or another thing from a relationship. That they are looking for this, that or another thing from somebody. That they even have This, that and another thing to offer.

"This, that or another thing" can be many things on people's lists.

For example: Being Sensual can fall under "This, that or another thing".

I'd like to think of myself as being Sensual, I know I enjoy it when I'm feeling extremely Sensual with somebody else. However, the truth be told. Around most people, I'm not very sensual towards them. In fact, there are people which I make it a point to be extremely distant from.

I've been in relationships where there was an extremely strong sensual connection flowing, like a deep river. Other relationships, where the sensuality was dialed way back. I'm into analyzing it either. I've had some one night stands that were extremely sensual and others which were not.

So am I really sensual or not? My honest answer to that question is...it all depends. Why? because it's rather dynamic, at least for me and based upon my own experiences.

Same holds true for me, when it comes to being "this, that or another thing" regarding being sadistic. I've taken pleasure and delight in sadism. Yet, I can be 180 degrees in the other direction and find Zero pleasure and delight in it.

What's mind blowing is how the chemistry is always different. The out come of what happens when two people get together (be it for long term, short term or a one time flig).

There's many things to which I am or am not, and it's all rather dynamic.

I've been extremely Dominant towards some and very much less Dominant (unless provoked) towards others.

I'm rather selective about who and what I'm D/s'ing anyways. I've micromanaged shit and I've also could have cared less about trying to do so.

Don't get me wrong, I have must follow rules, deal breakers, desires, needs, wants and wishes.

I can't promise anybody that I'm going to be an AMP'd up Sadistic 24/7 anymore than I can make promises that I won't be into hurting them (because that will cross my mind, if I'm really into them). Hope this makes sense to somebody out there.

If I'm feeling it, sure... I'll tell somebody straight up. How much I'm into doing XYZ or Not with them. The most I might be feeling for "this, that and another thing" is a mere fucking blow job with a chuk'em attitude afterwards.

It's weird, how I'm wired to want to fuck somebody, or be sensual towards/with, or even sadistic towards/with. I've been sensual with women which I had no sexual interest in, I've seen sexual with women I've had no interest in being sensual with. Toss in Sadism and the combinations grow. Simply Add other things into "this, that and another thing"... you get the idea of the combinations that can arise.

I try to simply roll with whatever connection I'm feeling or occuring. I really don't like thinking about this too much. Yet, at times I'm forced to when engaging in conversations online.

I don't know if I'm perhaps a little more diverse and dynamic in some areas compared other or not.

I just know this is what holds true for me when it comes to being "this, that or another thing".

Thanks for taking the time to read all this. Hope it makes sense to somebody out there.





Whip, quit typing the shit that rolls through my head dammit!

What you've written is why I am pretty fucking pessimistic about online hunting for ME. It's easier for me to type a list of things I will never entertain than what I will.........given the energy flow with a specific person. Via online communication, I think a lot of s-types want black and white lists. Rules. Must haves. Exacting expectations.

For ME, the only real concrete I expect is 100% obedience. Every thing else depends upon her skills, her life schedule, her everything. As long as I am always the one with the final say as to what will and will not go down and there is no debating that issue, I am cool.

Example: I don't like tattooes. I wouldn't allow a slave to get a tattoo. I don't find tattooes sexy or attractive or whatever. I also have zero interest in switching. Hell to the no. Yet, one of my best friends, who is a heavily tattooed switch, has been the ONLY woman to ever get out from behind her computer and travel thousands of miles to spend two fabulous weeks with me, at my home. The ONLY reason she isn't owned by me, is that her home is thousands of miles from mine, out of necessity. She is perfectly capable of 100% obedience and the core woman she is, is very attractive and sexy to me. The external package just happens to have a more colourful wrapping than I would have chosen.



DesFIP -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/25/2012 9:50:26 AM)

I'm not very flexible or spontaneous.

Years ago, the ex came home one day and said "let's drive to Florida". For him it was throw clothes in a bag. For me, it was do laundry, buy snacks for the kids, buy summer clothes for the kids, pack kids' bags, my bags, buy new tapes/toys to entertain kids. 12 hours later, I still hadn't done everything that was required for him to indulge his spontaneity.

I'm not willing to be put in that position with a partner who announces something and doesn't think about what the fall out for me will be. What he thought of as spontaneous appeared to me as selfish.



KnightofMists -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/25/2012 11:33:36 AM)

Some elements bond and create entirely different molecules when they bond with other elements. People are not a lot different than that. That other person can affect what I enjoy and do as much as the base line of who I am can affect the outcome. However there is a limit it. Some just do not bond to many in anyway.. In fact I would say very few would bond to me in any meaningful way. It never really made sense to me why some are different than others. Hell, I have two girls and I do very different things and enjoy different things with each. And I don't really know why other than they are different.



Salinedion -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/25/2012 11:45:38 AM)

For the right girl, you'll throw the rule book and requirement list away in a heartbeat -like that nice guy pining for his far away tattooed ex-sweetie. Assuming common sense stuff like ethics and sanity are gonna be in the mix, why not just assume going in you're going to be gobsmacked by who you end up with and have a laugh at the process as it slowly drives you mad?

To quote the Ronnettes:

He aint the boy (or girl) that I been dreamin' of

But he's the boy I love.



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/25/2012 12:33:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Salinedion

For the right girl, you'll throw the rule book and requirement list away in a heartbeat -like that nice guy pining for his far away tattooed ex-sweetie. Assuming common sense stuff like ethics and sanity are gonna be in the mix, why not just assume going in you're going to be gobsmacked by who you end up with and have a laugh at the process as it slowly drives you mad?

To quote the Ronnettes:

He aint the boy (or girl) that I been dreamin' of

But he's the boy I love.


Salinedion,
I've done that, tried that and own the T-shirt in my closet of life experiences. It was not worth it, not the right girl, nor the one I was dreamin of either. LOL Yeah, I'm a little spontaneous... However I value my own sanity above all else at this stage of the game. I'd rather be alone and enjoy peace of mind in solitude, when it comes to this.







Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/25/2012 12:53:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Some elements bond and create entirely different molecules when they bond with other elements. People are not a lot different than that. That other person can affect what I enjoy and do as much as the base line of who I am can affect the outcome. However there is a limit it. Some just do not bond to many in anyway.. In fact I would say very few would bond to me in any meaningful way. It never really made sense to me why some are different than others. Hell, I have two girls and I do very different things and enjoy different things with each. And I don't really know why other than they are different.

Thanks for sharing. If this was facebook, I'd click "Like".



LaTigresse -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/25/2012 1:07:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

ORIGINAL: Salinedion

For the right girl, you'll throw the rule book and requirement list away in a heartbeat -like that nice guy pining for his far away tattooed ex-sweetie. Assuming common sense stuff like ethics and sanity are gonna be in the mix, why not just assume going in you're going to be gobsmacked by who you end up with and have a laugh at the process as it slowly drives you mad?

To quote the Ronnettes:

He aint the boy (or girl) that I been dreamin' of

But he's the boy I love.


Salinedion,
I've done that, tried that and own the T-shirt in my closet of life experiences. It was not worth it, not the right girl, nor the one I was dreamin of either. LOL Yeah, I'm a little spontaneous... However I value my own sanity above all else at this stage of the game. I'd rather be alone and enjoy peace of mind in solitude, when it comes to this.




Again!

Some things I could quite easily live the rest of my life without. Most S&M activities are on that list. But then that are other things, the power exchange dynamic specifically, that I will not be swayed on. It would just be wrong. I know me. Why would I enter a relationship with a person I cared about, knowing that at some point we would both be miserable.

And ya, I'd rather be alone.



Salinedion -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/25/2012 1:35:45 PM)

In no way am I saying stuff down your kinky inclinations just because they are a nice person.

You have the right (duty?) to put sex front and center in your relationship mix -in fact, an old horn dog like myself would rate you higher in this dullard puritan world if you did.

I'm saying I ended up with a great person who I would have never, ever envisioned myself with. The sex was there, the integrity was there, the joy in her personhood was there. It was (and is) just in a very complicated and boundary-stretching package.

But if you have to pick a "problem" to have.......



LaTigresse -> RE: Thoughts on being this, that or another thing... (5/25/2012 1:49:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Salinedion

In no way am I saying stuff down your kinky inclinations just because they are a nice person.

You have the right (duty?) to put sex front and center in your relationship mix -in fact, an old horn dog like myself would rate you higher in this dullard puritan world if you did.

I'm saying I ended up with a great person who I would have never, ever envisioned myself with. The sex was there, the integrity was there, the joy in her personhood was there. It was (and is) just in a very complicated and boundary-stretching package.

But if you have to pick a "problem" to have.......


No where did I say anything about putting sex as a priority. I am interested to know what part of what I wrote lead you to believe I was even talking about sex.



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