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brattysub4 -> cum control (6/6/2006 1:25:55 PM)
okay here i go some know me some dont and as embarrassing as this is i need to ask.hopefully i will get an answer this may have been discussed before if so a girl is trully sorry.i didnt see any posts on the subject that i am embarking on.long story short when a Dom places his sub/slave on cum control what happens when said Doms passes away is the cum control nol an void as he isnt present or does she maintain it till another Dominant takes over and trains her as his? i am asking this as some know my Sir passed away few months ago and very much had me on cum control and now i am in a position as to not know what to do in this area,without his guideance. brat ps thanks ahead for your input

composer83 -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 1:28:41 PM)
a marriage contract is null & void upon death ......why also would not a D/s? unless you still just like to hold it.... just my opinion... ~m

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 1:28:43 PM)
Conditioning can and does lose if efficacy over time. You can wait for it to happen, or you can actively train yourself to cum again. Pretty much exactly how you trained yourself the first time. We're very trainable and flexible beings, so put your mind to it and break the old habits with new ones. http://www.collarchat.com/m_313958/mpage_4/key_orgasm%252Ccommand/tm.htm#318568 cum on command

tade -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 1:31:33 PM)
First off you have our sympathy for your loss. I would say honestly, do what your gut tells you to do. That part of your life is over unfortunately, so you might as well get started living the next part. If your gut says wait for another Dom to take control then wait. If not, then find the nearest quiet spot and take a much needed break. Not making light of your situation at all, but your instincts are usually right, no matter what the problem. Hope that helped...

OedipusRexIt -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 1:58:37 PM)
My condolences on your loss. I'm sure it must be difficult now. You honor your beloved Sir by considering his wishes even after his passing. Even so, you now must move on. Live as He would have wanted you to do, but live. If you find yourself in need of release, seek it. Your situation is one which worries a good Dom. With so much depending on Guidance, what to do when the Guide is suddenly gone? For now, be strong. Look forward.

brattysub4 -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 2:14:37 PM)
thank you so much to those who have replied so far,this is my feelings my body tells me to release screaming it just cant take anymore.......but my mind and heart tells me to wait that when i again meet a Dom that will be the most special gift i can hand to him.but then i also worry what if i am not going to meet a Sir for a very long time can my body physically hold out that long.mentally emotionally yes i could no problem.i feel like maybe i am being weak in some aspects if i cave into sexual desires and i am mixed as to what Sir would want me to do in this case or if the shoe was on the other foot would he hold off till he met another sub.i honestly would hope he wouldnt wait as we all know sometimes that process can take a long time.i know i am rambling but i have so many mixed emotions in this area an my complete body contradicting the others.but thanks for the input thus far.

OedipusRexIt -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 2:36:38 PM)
Again, my sympathies for what's sure to be difficult. Consider whether your choice to avoid seeking release will leave you in the right frame of mind to present yourself to a new relationship, or whether it will cause you to seek a relationship merely in order to obtain release. I'm hoping whatever you do, it goes well for you. Never easy to lose the One, if ever One appears.

irishbynature -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 3:29:58 PM)
Perhaps what you need is time to fully grieve your loss? I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you.... My condolences on your loss and I wish you well. Irish

Dozhee -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 5:55:39 PM)
I am sorry for your loss. I hope you have good people to hold you and shelter you through this difficult time (even if they don't know the full extent of the loss). With regard to the question you asked... (Warning: I am not a medical professional, grief counselor, or in any other way qualified to answer your question. These are just my thoughts.) Some people feel sexually numb after a loss. That's ok. Give yourself time to grieve; you haven't lost it forever. Others feel a burning need for sexual release (not necessarily intimacy.. as a matter of fact intimacy may be too painful to bear). That's ok too. Losing a loved one is a very difficult thing. I suggest being kind to yourself. With regard to the specific question you asked... (Again.. Warning: I am no way qualified to offer advice.) You might consider a ritual, with some tangible artifacts of your relationship, where you give an orgasm as a last act of submission. My opinion, if you decide you want to do something like I've suggested, is that you make sure you have a solid place to fall when it's over. (Don't know your situation, but a sister or best girl friend comes to mind.) Another way to work through this may be to take something significant to your relationship and destroy it as a physical sign to yourself that the past is over. (For me, this would be too painful, but I don't know how you are wired.) I very much hope you have people you love to hug you, and care about you, and just be with you while you are traveling this valley. For what it's worthy, please know you have my deepest sympathy.

brattysub4 -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 6:02:40 PM)
thank you doz but unfortunately i walk these paths alone most the time as i am so far from friends an family i think most of all letting go is the issue here if that makes sense.this is his last control over me and its hard me letting go emotionally or mentally but yet the physical aspects does cry out. i am taking everyones advice to heart and listening completely

marieToo -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 6:30:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: brattysub4 thank you doz but unfortunately i walk these paths alone most the time as i am so far from friends an family i think most of all letting go is the issue here if that makes sense.this is his last control over me and its hard me letting go emotionally or mentally but yet the physical aspects does cry out. i am taking everyones advice to heart and listening completely Hi brattysub: I am sorry for your loss. It has only been recent, really. Dont put pressure on yourself or try to rush your grieving process. About the issue that you are addressing... Could it be that a part of you feels like it would be a betrayal to your former Master if you have this pleasure??? And/Or do you feel some level of guilt that you are still here and he is not?? Maybe if you could find the origin of what specifically is causing you to hesitate on this, then maybe you can get past it.

brattysub4 -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 6:37:40 PM)
thank you marie yes i feel very much it to be a betrayal to him ,and yet i also feel guilt i am here and he isnt as the facts lay he died in my arms at home and i feel also guilty i couldnt save him and feel maybe i didnt do enough to save him.altough i have been told there was nothing i could do he wouldnt have made it either way still doesnt make one feel less guilty .and then the guilt of a girl wanting to have sexual pleasures just seems to add to the mix of things.but the main thing is the betrayal i feel as he specifically said no cumming without his permission last orders he gave so i feel if i do this then in my heart and soul i am betraying that bond if that makes any sense at all.

marieToo -> RE: cum control (6/6/2006 8:26:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: brattysub4 thank you marie yes i feel very much it to be a betrayal to him ,and yet i also feel guilt i am here and he isnt as the facts lay he died in my arms at home and i feel also guilty i couldnt save him and feel maybe i didnt do enough to save him.altough i have been told there was nothing i could do he wouldnt have made it either way still doesnt make one feel less guilty .and then the guilt of a girl wanting to have sexual pleasures just seems to add to the mix of things.but the main thing is the betrayal i feel as he specifically said no cumming without his permission last orders he gave so i feel if i do this then in my heart and soul i am betraying that bond if that makes any sense at all. Ok well that certainly gives you an understanding of why this is so hard for you. Thats a really good start. I wish I was more qualified to offer some type of advice on this. All I can say is that what you are feeling surely must be completely normal and common. I know through all the emotions it must be very hard for you to be practical about this. For instance, him telling you not to cum without permission being the last thing he told you. Im sure he wasnt thinking in the event of his death. Right? He would probably want you to realize that there is a time when you have to get practical and try to turn off the emotional response, when you know that he didnt mean for you to stop having orgasms if he passed away. This may be something that only time will heal for you. And I could sit here and tell you not to feel guilty about him dying and you thinking you could help him. But thats so easy for me to say and much harder for you to come to terms with. Obviously you know logically that you could not save him, yet you still feel guilt. Again, this is normal and a very common feeling. I would take some solace in knowing that at least everything you are going through is a normal part of the greiving process. Time and talking things out with those who care about you will help alot. Again, dont feel like you should be 'cured' within a couple of months. Give yourself that time, without placing so many expectations on yourself. Maybe a therapy group would help. Sometimes just seeing that other people are going through the exact same things would help you to get past some of this. I am not qualified to do much more than interject my thoughts. I wish I could give you more solid advice. At the least, if you need to talk, or want to vent, please do not hesitate to email me. marie.

brattysub4 -> RE: cum control (6/7/2006 2:44:00 PM)
thank you again marie i am very much thinking on all that has been said thus far and thanks for your input i may email you within time even if to just chat.

crouchingtigress -> RE: cum control (6/7/2006 2:54:26 PM)
Sounds like you need the self love, release, and self nurturing that masturbation can offer you more then ever right now....I would say dont wait any longer, go and love yourself.... But if you want to save some thing special for your next lover, put all the change from you pockets at the end of the day in a jar, and then one day surprise him with a weekend get-away... that way he can really enjoy your sacrafice and so can you....

Level -> RE: cum control (6/7/2006 3:21:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: brattysub4 thank you again marie i am very much thinking on all that has been said thus far and thanks for your input i may email you within time even if to just chat. First, I am very sorry for your loss. Now, did he love you? Care for you? If so, I would think he'd want you to be... at ease. And he would understand. Level

bandit25 -> RE: cum control (6/7/2006 3:44:36 PM)
Level...what a sensitive and kind post.

brattysub4 -> RE: cum control (6/7/2006 3:46:52 PM)
he loved me with all his heart and soul and yes he cared for me and yes he would want me to go forward i just feel it hard and more so when talk to others as some tpoics arise only fustrate a girl a bit more than she is sure she can handle but also very unsure if i can handle the emotional aspect of releasing seeing it was in fact his final order but .i am sure once i trully sit and think on things i mean i have but i mean further in depth than i have so far i will come to an answer .

spankmepink11 -> RE: cum control (6/7/2006 4:00:26 PM)
Brattysub....please accept my condolences. I agree with those who believe that you need time for your grief to run it's natural course. In regards to you experiencing sexual pleasure, i believe you should feel free to do so when it feels right. That being said, you can probably expect your first orgasm since your loving Masters passing to be bitter sweet with thoughts of him....possibly guilt...etc....in my opinion it would be wise do this before you become involved with another. This will allow you to pay homage as it were to your late Master, without detracting from your first sexual experience with another. (i hope that made sense) best wishes...

Level -> RE: cum control (6/7/2006 4:24:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: brattysub4 he loved me with all his heart and soul and yes he cared for me and yes he would want me to go forward i just feel it hard and more so when talk to others as some tpoics arise only fustrate a girl a bit more than she is sure she can handle but also very unsure if i can handle the emotional aspect of releasing seeing it was in fact his final order but .i am sure once i trully sit and think on things i mean i have but i mean further in depth than i have so far i will come to an answer . I think you'll come to an answer too, bratty smiles. I know all of this is hard on you, and I can imagine you wanting him here to talk to, and to help lead you to the answer you seek. Maybe looking at it as his spirit being here, guiding you through the memories you hold of him, would help. And I really think he is, or would be, quite proud of you. Be well. Level

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