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friends? - 6/5/2012 8:33:35 AM   
bellainrapture


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/2/2012
Status: offline 		Hi! My name is Bella. I am very new to this and I was wondering if maybe anyone would like to be my texting friend and talk to me and help me understand things about this lifestyle as well as be a good friend to me.
I am very submissive
I am looking for a DOM for a long term relationship (you can read all of this in my profile)

I have so many questions. Is it ok for me to contact a dom first? Should I get to know him before we meet, or is meeting the only true way to submit. Is it wrong for me to want a boyfriend out of all of this, is that not done?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: friends? - 6/5/2012 8:36:48 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Welcome and...........you are setting yourself up for a whole lotta trouble it appears.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to bellainrapture)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: friends? - 6/5/2012 8:41:08 AM   
bellainrapture


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/2/2012
Status: offline 		why do you think that. please help!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: friends? - 6/5/2012 8:42:55 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bellainrapture

why do you think that. please help!


Because you are coming across as extremely naive and as ripe fodder.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to bellainrapture)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: friends? - 6/5/2012 9:38:46 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Your first step - calm down and take your time. Read the message boards. Try to figure out what you are looking for, and then start your search.

There are many, many flavours of bdsm and it's up to you discover what you need. Do you want bedroom only rough sex, or the full TPE M/s relationship? Do you want a sadist or a 'sensual' Dom? Are you monogamous, or are you interested in poly? The list of questions goes on...

If you do decide to try to find a partner, it's perfectly acceptable to have a romantic relationship as well as a bdsm relationship. Many on here are on long term relationships, some are married.

Treat dating a potential bdsm partner in the same way as you'd treat dating on an 'ordinary' dating site. Be careful, meet in public, take it as slowly as you want, allow the relationship to grow.

In my personal experience, I found Master here on cm. We dated in a very vanilla way for about 4 months before the bdsm actually kicked in. We're still dating 2 years on, and although I'm now his collared slave, that's all the outside world sees. We still sit and watch movies at home, snuggled up with popcorn, or we'll go out to dinner, or spend a day wandering through local stately homes and castles.

A relationship is what you make of it. Rush it and you risk falling flat on your face. Take is slowly and who knows - you might just find what you're looking for.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to bellainrapture)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: friends? - 6/5/2012 10:25:03 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		*Sigh*. I'm 20 years too old to take advantage of you....

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: friends? - 6/5/2012 11:07:54 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Use the search feature at the top right hand corner of this page to research sub frenzy.  Then calm down.  Read everything you can.  Think about it.  As others have said, try to figure out what you are looking for in a D/s relationship. 

Also, just because some guy checks the Dom box here does not mean he's a Dom.  You do not and should not obey some online person you do not know.  In other words, if you are told to do something that is dangerous or maybe illegal and you get into trouble, it's entirely your fault. 

Some online people try to get you to agree to being under consideration.  This often means you are off the market as far as looking for another Dom, but he is going to keep looking to see if he can find something better.  Do not let yourself be collared by some guy you never met or have only met a few times. 

During my search years ago I chatted with some really interesting guys online.  Face to face everything was very different.  So meeting is very important.  The safest place to meet someone is probably at a munch.  A munch is a social meeting, usually in a restaurant where newbies can safely meet the kinky people in their area with no pressure.  It's entirely vanilla.  To find your local munch just google your state and/or city and the word munch.  At munches you can make friends and find local people to answer your questions. 

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to bellainrapture)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: friends? - 6/5/2012 12:35:01 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Is it ok for me to contact a dom first?

My experience with making first contact has been very positive.

quote:

Should I get to know him before we meet, or is meeting the only true way to submit.

By all means get to know him in a vanilla way before you meet. I see in your profile that you are looking for local guys. Do hold out for this and then there will be no temptation to do anything silly like kinky camming before you meet.

quote:

Is it wrong for me to want a boyfriend out of all of this, is that not done?

You are young and adorable - absolutely hold out for a romantic relationship. My experience has been that it's "not done" by men who have intimacy issues.

(in reply to bellainrapture)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: friends? - 6/5/2012 4:01:01 PM   
bellainrapture


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/2/2012
Status: offline 		thank you :D

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: friends? - 6/5/2012 4:03:46 PM   
bellainrapture


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/2/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you so much everyone. When you first get on this site everyones profile is so serious and ominous and i think that it is easy to get scared and feel overwhelmed. its nice to know that even the masters are human too :D

I am very encouraged and I will continue my search.

(in reply to bellainrapture)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: friends? - 6/5/2012 4:08:57 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hey bella,

You seem like a lovely gal, and you're relatively clear about what it is you're looking for.

My best advice to you for the next month at least is - Don't let the ass-hats cause you to give up.

You're going to get a lot of emails from a lot of jackasses, and some of them you won't spot straight away. Don't be disheartened though, there are genuine, decent, local, guys out there.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to bellainrapture)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: friends? - 6/5/2012 5:12:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		A relationship is a relationship is a relationship.

If you wouldn't insist on dating instead of meeting a guy the first time in a hotel room naked normally, don't do it now.

If what you need is a boyfriend, a lover, a friend, not just someone to beat and fuck you and then toss you out, then that's what you need and don't settle for less.

As far as just one friend, how about dozens or hundreds? Read the forums, ask questions, and make sure that whatever you do is something that you want to do, not just what a guy wanting a quick lay tells you to do. If anyone on the boards writes posts that consistently makes you nod your head in agreement, then write that person and ask him/her if you can bounce ideas off them. Most of us would be only too happy to do so.

Go to local munches, vanilla meetings in restaurants of people in your area, and make friends there who you can bounce ideas off of. Don't say yes to anything you don't want to do. Remember, you can always change your no to a yes at a later date, but you can't undo a bad experience.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: friends? - 6/6/2012 3:47:21 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		mmmmm I must be jaded.... nothing of this seems genuine to me.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to bellainrapture)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: friends? - 6/6/2012 6:54:20 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

mmmmm I must be jaded.... nothing of this seems genuine to me.


dito

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: friends? - 6/8/2012 8:16:32 AM   
OohAahMrs


Posts: 7723
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline 		Ding-dong, Welcome bell.

_____________________________

You may choc the choc.........Oh forget it......

(in reply to bellainrapture)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: friends? - 6/8/2012 9:36:58 AM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		Best of luck in your journey.

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to OohAahMrs)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: friends? - 6/8/2012 11:29:47 AM   
MissKittyDeVine


Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline 		Bella, another thing to watch out for - if anyone tells you you must show yourself on cam to prove you are not a fake, ignore them. You do not owe anything to anyone, simply because they label themselves dominant.

_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to Delilya)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: friends? - 6/8/2012 1:19:59 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

*Sigh*. I'm 20 years too old to take advantage of you....


Poor DS, you can always take advantage of me. I don't mind being the consolation prize. Well, you could if I was in Colorado. Sorry

Bellainrapture, welcome to the message boards. I'd post here answers to your questions, but I expect you are probaby going to be overwhelmed with responses from people wanting to help you. I'll just wish you best of luck in you search for answers :)

WinD

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 18
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