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Need advice - 6/6/2012 11:46:10 PM

Pmaster62

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/3/2012
Status: offline

I met my master 9mths ago , I was not aware that he was a Dom, didn'tt even know I was a sub, but on meeting him, I was aware that this relationship was different to any other. Very early into the relationship he discussed that he wanted me to think about a d/s relationship. He had already started to teach me how to drop my resistance sexually please him and whilst it fel t strange for me to accept this is also felt completely the right thing to do. I am a professional women , who as manged bringing up 4 children alone, so for me accepting this side of me feels at times like a psychological battle.

The relationship as become very strong and I can say that I worship this man and want to please him, he as explained the process of developing me as his sub and this weekend he collared me which was amazing. He started to discuss and try out nipple clamps and
Introducing me to pain play, I find this difficult but am also willing to find away to managed the pain, which it not intense . He would also like me to get my nipples pierced and labia pierced , I'm worried about this but want to understand if it is normal for subs to feel so unsure of compiling with these requests.

I really feel that I want to develop into a good submissive , my master as finally opened up a side of me that feels natural and the real me.. Any advice on how to move on would be great.

Post #: 1

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 12:03:25 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Hi, welcome....

I'm sorry, I can't respond yet. I'm too surprised to see a professional woman, making the mistake of calling herself, a professional women.

This is a mistake I see quite often that men make (I've no idea why) but I've never seen a woman actually make that mistake.

On topic...no advice to give except to say that after reading your profile I'd say that if he just collared you this weekend, it might be a little early in the relationship to be phishing for a third. Sounds more like a catch and release scenario to me.

WinD

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 6/7/2012 12:04:47 AM >

(in reply to Pmaster62)

Post #: 2

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 12:40:07 AM

Pmaster62

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/3/2012
Status: offline

Sorry, I'm not sure why I can't call myself a professional women

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 3

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 12:55:47 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pmaster62

Sorry, I'm not sure why I can't call myself a professional women

Because there's only one of you.

You're a professional woman.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to Pmaster62)

Post #: 4

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 1:00:38 AM

Pmaster62

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/3/2012
Status: offline

I thank you for your advice, I've got a lot to learn and maybe I need to do further reading and talking to master. I think we are both new to this so I will keep communicating with him.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 5

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 5:07:02 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

As far as the piercings go - it's not essential but not uncommon either. Some people like the idea of a physical mark of the relationship. Others find intimate piercings sexually appealing because they're a little taboo (and perhaps in contrast with an otherwise professional appearance). It's common to want to 'customise' your partner to fit your tastes, whether that's right for you and your relationship is down to the two of you. It's about what the couple agree to, and the dominant's preferences. It doesn't sound like you are going for total power exchange, so you aren't compelled to do it. I am in that kind of relationship, and I'm forbidden from having piercings - I had lots, once upon a time and now I don't even have earrings. But if he wanted me to get pierced, I would.

It sounds like you are already going about things in the right way - lots of communication, and one step at a time. There is no quick-fix pill to make you a perfect submissive - if there was, I'd have taken one years ago. It is a struggle for lots of us at first, and for some of us, it is always a struggle. Is it worth struggling for, on balance? If so then keep going.

Edit: I just checked your profile. I would strongly advise against adding another submissive to this relationship until you are more settled in it yourself. You owe it to yourself and the potential extra person to be as secure and sorted as possible before complicating things.

< Message edited by AthenaSurrenders -- 6/7/2012 5:09:45 AM >

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Pmaster62)

Post #: 6

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 5:19:13 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

What makes you think he is new to this as well? You initially said he started talking about D/s right from the start, so he knew it was something he was into.

You have been together 9 months, and made a more formal commitment just this weekend, at which time you create a profile seeking a third?

It doesn't sound like at any time he discussed with you YOUR feelings on this whole issue. Instead, he is just leading you down the primrose path, saying "do this, do that." Did the two of you discuss limits? What each of you wants, needs and desires from this relationship?

You say the piercing has you worried, but you don't say why. If you aren't into piercing, say so. How about this whole seeking a third idea? Are you interested in a poly relationship or are you doing it because "he" said so? Don't let him tell you that all D/s relationships work like yours seem to be, because they don't.

My advice? First consider what YOU want from all of this. Think about the things you have done and the things he has suggested you do. Decide which you enjoyed and which appeal to you, as well as the ones that you really didn't enjoy or don't appeal to you. Add to that the things that may neither appeal or repulse you, but are willing to participate in to please him. Do you want a monogamous relationship? When did the concept of seeking a third get discussed, if at all? Because it kind of sounds like he collared you, and now says, "go find us another to play with." Why wouldn't he seek this person himself, or at best the two of you seek her together?

So you need to sit down and discuss with HIM (not us) what your concerns are.

ETA: If he won't discuss these issues or tells you that this is the way it is, reconsider your relationship.

< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 6/7/2012 5:21:52 AM >

(in reply to Pmaster62)

Post #: 7

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 5:25:13 AM

PrincessDonna11

Posts: 289
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline

I agree with LL it does seem from your post that you may be experienceing some "you time" after raising kids and such, Im curious as to how many other guys you came in contact with before choosing this one as it does seem you were awful quick to fall in to some pretty serious roles. Just Sayin.....

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 8

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 5:44:54 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I cant speak for anyone but me, but yes its very common to question what a Master asks of you, especially when its not compatible with your own views or wants. ITs very easy to get lost in what HE wants to please him, especially at first. If you are in "AWE" of him you pretty much scurry around trying to please him and its very easy to LOSE YOURSELF. Take your time and be very careful. Dont compromise yourself to much or Im afraid you will regret it. If you are being asked to do things and doing them just to please him and its truly not something you want to do , dont do it. No one ever wants to believe it, but the time comes you will deeply regret it. And you will saddened by the weakness to devalue your own self or others to please another.

I would like to add this link.

http://www.keen.com/CommunityServer/UserBlogPosts/JIM1537/The-real-reasons-why-women-love--bad-boys/318111.aspx

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 6/7/2012 5:51:48 AM >

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 9

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 8:30:39 AM

MsSylverdawn

Posts: 147
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline

My advice after reading your post and profile.. Put on the brakes... move slowly.. I know nine months seems like forever but this is your first power exchange relationship. Piericings are hard... they are hard to heal.. they hurt... and serious infection is a possiblity. A piercer friend of mine once told me it can take up too two years for nipple peircings to fully heal. Not that Im saying they are bad just that it is a serious decision to make to modify your body. As for the labia.. my husbands girl had hers done .. then she was in a car wreck.. in a pair of tight jeans...the force of th impact with her going one way and her car going the other..well lets just say it was a bloody mess. What we do in the lifestyle is be aware of the risks and try our damnest to make wise informed choices. Finally my dear girl.. your a bigger body type and some piercings are not recommended for us large and lovelies.

Then your already seeking a second girl and this is a realitively new relationship.... for me thats a big red flag. So I caution you to slow down take a big deep breath and try to look at things objectively.

Pain can be something a submissive endures for their Dominant's pleasure. It can be an endorphin high. It can be absolute misery. I would ask you to ask yourself what are you getting out of this training. This is your journey as well and you have to find a reason to take those steps. I know that submissives who are not maschos say they find a way to process the pain .... to take it as a physical energy and release it through meditation, breathing control etc.... It all sounds rather zen to me ... pain is pain for me.. and its a bitch.. I dont like.. I dont want it... but then Im not submissive and have no desire to do for my partners. Hell you put a pair of clamps on my nipples and Im going to cold cock you first chance that comes.

My final piece of advice is rememeber do not loose yourself in this relationship. D/s relationships are fraught with pitfalls especially first relationships ... a sense of self is the most attractive quality a submissive can have for a good healthy long term relationship with a partner.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 10

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 9:00:55 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pmaster62
He started to discuss and try out nipple clamps and
Introducing me to pain play, I find this difficult but am also willing to find away to managed the pain, which it not intense . He would also like me to get my nipples pierced and labia pierced , I'm worried about this but want to understand if it is normal for subs to feel so unsure of compiling with these requests.

A couple of thoughts for you:

1) If submission was always easy, it wouldn't really be submission. It's easy to be submissive when it's something you like. It's when you get to something that you don't like or isn't easy that you actually show submission.

2) It's up to you to decide when something goes from just being uncomfortable to "Oh, hell no". We all have things that we cannot/will not accept whether it's physically, mentally or morally.

I generally don't recommend that a submissive with no experience get into a committed relationship with a dominant. Simply because the desire to please combined with not knowing where your boundaries are can lead to some unfortunate situations.

Only you can decide whether these items are outside your boundaries. Just remember that the pain is temporary, but those piercings have long term effects. Make sure you're considering what happens if the relationship ends.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Pmaster62)

Post #: 11

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 9:33:05 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I don'r konw about the periecing . Myabe you should wait a bit on the body mods until you are sure this ifsgoing to work it has only been 9 months. Slow down ther is no reason to moves so fast. If he cares for you he will wait until you are ready. He does understand that for 6 months to a year after you get your nipples perieced he can play with them or puts clapms on that right? You may not even want them touched. I never had it done but a friend of mine did. Just take things slow. It seems you are moving a bit too fast.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 9:43:45 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Healthy boundaries are healthy - don't be so quick to label your reservations as normal submissive uncertainties.

(in reply to Pmaster62)

Post #: 13

RE: Need advice - 6/7/2012 10:27:24 AM

Pmaster62

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/3/2012
Status: offline

Thank you all so much, lots to think about but I will slow this down and try to work out what I need. I think that the thing I value in this relationship is that he is teaching me things that I wouldn't normally try and I am liking it, usually always been very reserved ,so most of time will always say no, but I want to find out who I am and want to push myself a little. He does always ask me not to do anything I,m not comfortable with and that it's up to me what I choose to do ,but I did ask him what he would like so maybe I will just take my time to think and feel .

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 14

RE: Need advice - 6/8/2012 1:48:56 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Getting body mods for a guy is the quickest way I know of to break up the relationship. What's the hurry? You've just begun playing/having sex with him which tells me you're ldr and don't meet often at all.

Have you been to his place yet? Sure he isn't married?

It sounds more like he's got a bucket list of things he wants to do. Which is fine if your bucket list is the same. Is it?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Pmaster62)

Post #: 15

RE: Need advice - 6/16/2012 8:33:51 AM

thedavezone

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: South Korea
Status: offline

Move on a little at a time.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: Need advice - 6/18/2012 12:56:08 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I'd also echo what Lafayette had told you.

Piercings are not common in the lifestyle. At least not any more common than they are in everyday life.
Piercings take a long time to go away, they leave scars. They are permanent marks. Are permanent marks one of your limits?

Do you have limits? It sounds so much as though you are just sort of going along with anything he can conger up in his head whether good
or bad.

Don't get me wrong here. There is nothing wrong with piercings "IF" you want them. It sounds as though you do not. I don't quite understand why
he is pushing you so hard and so fast. That is usually a bad sign.

If you were with another dominant he might already consider you a perfect submissive. With this one you want to be a good one...which to me means he has told you that you aren't one.

Remember in any good relationship whether lifestyle or not communication has to be the number 1 priority or you will fail. submissives have rights and feelings to. Good dominants take those feelings into consideration. It is still a relationship.

(in reply to Pmaster62)

Post #: 17

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