LadyAngelika
Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MsGothUk
I am fussy who I take on......why is that so wrong?
I have only taken on 2 subs in the last 4 years, I still have them both, maybe I just like quality, instead of quantity.
What you describe is the quality of being selective, not shallow.
Often, when we fall within someone's criteria and they don't fall within ours, there is a certain amount of resentment aimed at us and at the universe at large for making it so.
I’ve experienced being rejected a couple of times by someone who truly fit within all my criteria. It is horrid for the ego and it is infuriating. But like most rational people, I take it in stride and I move on. Very quickly I realise that this is the way things are and that someone else has and will want me. I don’t feel the need to focus my resentment on the other for being honest.
quote:
ORIGINAL: MsGothUk
I bored of being hounded
Now here is where things get a little trickier. The last thing I’m going to do is give you a lecture of how to act or how to deal with people. But since you took the time to write this thread soliciting our opinion on why you might be perceived as shallow, here is mine.
I’m not sure how you are “bored” of being hounded. Does it really affect you that much? Why do you let it take such importance in your life? I get a few messages a week from people who really do not meet my requirements but my lack of interest for them does not make me restless.
I’m not sure how you are bored of being “hounded”. Are the men that approach you really that persistent? What is hounding to you? An email applying as a submissive? Someone who keeps emailing you after you said no? If so, did you engage them to reply or were you wishy-washy in your response or did you politely decline? I often just write back: “Thank you for your note. I appreciate you taking the time to write it. My assessment however is that we would not be a good match. I wish you a lot of luck in your search.” I don’t list the reasons, as there is no need to. That will just simply draw them in for a debate. Usually, I get a note saying: “Thank you for being honest and writing back” to which I don’t reply. There is no point.
You have to remember that an ego takes a hit when the person is rejected. Even if the applicant is submissive or masochistic, certainly doesn’t mean they welcome that kind of rejection. I find being kind in my rejection tends to minimize the resentment and decrease the risk of potential drama.
Now here is where it gets trickier MsGoth. I quote from your profile now.
quote:
ORIGINAL: MsGothUk’s profile
***NEWSFLASH***
Thank you for all the timewasters that mailed me so far, as I said on my profile, that you all DIDNT read, I'm looking 4 LOCAL (as in London/UK) & good looking, my age range would be a bonus 2!!!!!
shallow? HELL YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
You self-identify as shallow. I’ve always been a big promoter of “you are what you identify yourself as”.
Calling applicants “timewaters” is your prerogative, and as I wrote earlier, I’m not here to tell you what to do. But you asked for our perception. I perceive this as something provocative and when you provoke, you will often get a reaction.
Whatever you chose to do or self-identify as, embrace it. If you want to cultivate the personae of a shallow Domme, then go for it. But then expect the flack because it does provoke emotional responses. It’s one of the little inconveniences of swimming against the current.
And last but not least, welcome to the boards. You seem to be a strong and assertive woman who really knows what she wants and that is something I respect tremendously. It’s also nice to see a few more non-Americans ;) (Not that I do not love you my little American darlings but I like to see a little colourful diversity)
- LA
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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove
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