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RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/10/2012 8:16:23 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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*FR*
Ok.. I have been doing this for a really really long time, and by doing this I mean submitting/obeying.
But you know what? There are very few times I can actually say that any of my partners has been particularly wise. In fact, I tend to gravitate to men who are similar to me, intellectually and in experience. Usually they have something in them that I lack, which may be a skill or a personality trait of some sort, the ability to control me comes to mind here.

When I see a topic come up that asks the question is he/she always right and someone replies.. you must accept his/her "wisdom" I cringe. Sometimes the choices my partner has made have caused me to shake my head even to the point of voicing disapproval, but when it comes down to it I end up going along with it because that has been the dynamic between us. If I find I cannot follow his lead and there is an impasse I need to make a choice. But at no time will I do things because I believe he is somehow wiser than I. I was going to create another thead on that point but I realise that is just my take on things.

So for you OP.. you have to decide whether some guy is just blowing smoke into the mirror, or if he has a track record of being more right than wrong to back it up.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 21

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/10/2012 8:17:28 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: emmy1960

It isn't a relationship, we were just talking and that was something that came up. He feels that if there is a disagreement of any kind, HE would be right since he is the Dom.

He's an idiot then.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to emmy1960)

Post #: 22

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/10/2012 8:37:59 PM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

Well, the short answer is "no".

And as many others have pointed out, it depends on the circumstances.

And as others have said, they are comfortable within their current relationship of letting the Dom/Master make all final decisions.

It seems to me there is no possible way to answer this specifically without a specific situation. I can imagine many things where as a submissive I could care less whether a "wrong" decision was being made because the impact of the wrong decision is minimal. But there are other things where I feel a "wrong" decision would have too great of a negative impact (on someone, some thing, the relationship, etc.) that to simply let someone have the attitude that they can never be questioned on anything seems like too much.

For example, I would never relinquish all of my personal ideas or beliefs. For example, if my partner and I disagree about politics, we disagree. He or she doesn't get to make a decision about what my ideals are or who I vote for. And if he disagrees on certain policies that I fundamentally believe in, then, while we might choose to not discuss politics, I certainly am not going to tell him/her that they are "right" in their opinion. And I've had at least one Dominant from my past who was very much on the opposite side of the political spectrum from me. To say the least, that didn't last too long. My example may seem silly to some, but the way you pose the question is so very broad, that I'm trying to understand what the boundaries are. At some point, I am still my own person, even if I've agreed to submit to someone. My thoughts are still my thoughts, and a Dom/Master can still be "wrong".

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 23

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/10/2012 9:06:28 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: emmy1960

When a sub and Dom differ in opinions, and have an disagreement, is the Dom always right??

Himself is human, that means flawed. His authority is absolute: his super powers are somewhat more limited.

No one is 'always' right. Anyone who believes they are 'always' right needs their head examined more often than not.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to emmy1960)

Post #: 24

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/10/2012 9:10:09 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm the Dom. I may not be right, but I make the decision, taking her opinion into account. I may not be right, but what I say goes.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 25

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/10/2012 9:13:42 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5172
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

NO. If he was always right I wouldn't have dragged him to the ER yesterday and he would have died.

I do hope you make exceptions to the "what I say goes" attitude, DS.

< Message edited by peppermint -- 6/10/2012 9:16:29 PM >

_____________________________

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Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to emmy1960)

Post #: 26

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/10/2012 9:31:44 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

There's a reason I added "he's always right" to my tagline...because for us, he is lol.

There are times he allows me to choose my own way when we disagree on something, I think just to make his point and yanno what? I've yet to find his way wasn't the right way so the more he does that the more I find that I should just listen to him and go his way. Imo, he's much more wiser than me about almost everything and those things he is not he knows and is willing to budge and even allow me to take over in that area. But overall, yeah, for us, he is always right.

I think it's something where you have to choose wisely. He's not someone I just decided one day I wanted to be with. It took years of contemplation and him showing me he is right. If I had found that his decisions did not work most of the time, I would never have decided to be with him. I knew I needed someone in my life that could make very wise decisions for me simply because I know that making decisions puts me in so much stress that I end up not doing anything at all or second guessing myself which leads to a bad choice.

So I would say that if you find that you cannot allow him to make the choices then you have to decide if you want that type of equal relationship or one where you are comfortable with letting go. And it's not a decision you choose lightly.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 27

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 12:49:54 AM

landrezy

Posts: 20
Joined: 6/3/2012
Status: offline

From the position of a sub that is not a valid question. If you are mine, you are not fit to make that distinction. You do not know my motivations, you likely do not know the entirety of an situation and I am under no obligation to share them with you. You should have faith that even though you are unsure and skeptical, that your Master will make the right decision and that all you have to focus on is obeying instructions to the best of your ability.

As a Dom, it is my responsibility to not violate that faith by making bad decisions where my plaything is concerned.

From the position of a human being, of course a Dom makes mistakes. But if a mistake is made it is caught quickly and corrected. I have never made a mistake so grievous that it engendered dangerous consequences. As long as I have breath and a functioning brain, I never will. If I do, it will be on that day that I stop doing this.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 28

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 2:57:10 AM

Sunny27

Posts: 140
Joined: 10/9/2010
Status: offline

"It isn't a relationship, we were just talking and that was something that came up. He feels that if there is a disagreement of any kind, HE would be right since he is the Dom."
Ok the first time I went to NimhneachImetmy Dom and we are now engaged after 3 and a half years. When we got together a week at his place he said something that I didn't agree and I told him why I didn't agree to it. Yes he said something like I'm the Dom, I'm right. So I just said ok Lets just agree to have different thoughts on different matters then. He turned to me and said Good idea. Now he wouldn't have thought of that if I never said it. We both know that we are good together as we can always give each other advise. I have never been like that with any other past boyfriend. We are good together for ur strengths and even our weaknesses. I feel very lucky!

_____________________________

Don't too much or too little just be happy with what you've done!

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 29

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 4:07:05 AM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

No, the dominant partner in a relationship is not always right. Just because he has all the authority does not mean he is not a human who can and does err and make mistakes. And I personally believe a good leader is one who has the maturity to set aside his ego and admit when he has made an error, mistake, or in another way been wrong about something--in turn using it as a learning experience to better handle the submissive and their relationship and lives. I personally would not trust a man who believed he could never be wrong or make a mistake. Such an attitude is naiive, immature, and ignorant--not traits I want someone in charge of me to have.

That being said, if we're talking about simply a difference in opinion, where "right" and "wrong" are subjective (for an overly simple example: dominant prefers dark chocolate while submissive prefers milk chocolate) then neither is truly right or wrong in my opinion. In this case it is in my opinion best to agree to disagree and move past it, as long as it is not something so important that the difference in opinion could have a huge negative impact on the relationship.

Personally, when I disagree with my Master, I speak up. Not only do I want to do this, but I am required to. He wants to hear my thoughts and perspectives because he values them and understands that they may be helpful to him. If we disagree on something, we talk about it like reasonable people. In the end, if we both understand each others' points of view, but we still do not agree, he still gets to make the decision. Even if I think or feel he is making the wrong decision, he has the authority, so I will follow through and obey because that is what I committed to. In that sense, he is always "right" as in he always gets to make the final decision--what he says, goes. But no, he is not always objectively "right"--no one is.

If this is someone who's not even in a relationship with you, tell him to bugger right the hell off. Slapping the "dominant" label on yourself doesn't allow you to transcend being human.

(in reply to emmy1960)

Post #: 30

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 4:49:38 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Let me try and field this one.

Is the Dom always right? Of course not, no one can always be right, and no one is always superior to another in every way. So a great big no there.

But, that's not the dynamic you have bought into.

Or that he expects you to buy into.

My personal himself is not always right, and he expects and encourages me to tell him when I think he's wrong. He values my opinions and judgement (as well he should!).

But at the end of the day, he is the final arbitrator, the decision maker, and I am expected to obey his decisions and support them, whether I agree with them or not.

Now, if what you two are dealing with is a relationship thing, like he doesn't have to tell you where he's going, or doesn't have to explain all the women he messages, or something like that, please come back with more info. Because, you know, there are some shitbags out there who use dominance to not have to be very good at relationships. And actually, to be a good dominant, you have to be good at relationships. AND you have to be a good communicator.

Frankly, from the very little you have shared, it doesn't seem like he is.

_____________________________

(in reply to emmy1960)

Post #: 31

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 6:31:34 AM

oldsubplsuseme

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/24/2012
Status: offline

I find it beat to let DOM. think they are right. Saved a lot of spanking that way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: emmy1960

When a sub and Dom differ in opinions, and have an disagreement, is the Dom always right??

oldsubplsuseme

(in reply to emmy1960)

Post #: 32

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 7:09:17 AM

MsKittyValentine

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/22/2011
Status: offline

Opinions are different to facts.

I would feel very silly if I insisted I was right when my opinion was based on things I thought were correct but were factually incorrect. I am happy for my sub to educate me if something I believe is actually not right.

Opinions based on beliefs and feelings are different as no one is inherently or proven right or wrong with these, it is just the weight these carry in any relationship. It is likely that my opinions will hold sway but as he is genuinely a submissive and obedient person, he accepts this and it makes him happy to know he can make my life easier and happier by being acquiescent to my wishes.

I do listen to him and think carefully about his ideas as he is very smart and perceptive.

In actuality, it is rare we disagree on much at all.

_____________________________

Dominant in FLR with Paul

(in reply to emmy1960)

Post #: 33

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 8:16:35 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: landrezy

From the position of a sub that is not a valid question. If you are mine, you are not fit to make that distinction. You do not know my motivations, you likely do not know the entirety of an situation and I am under no obligation to share them with you.

You may feel that way, but lack of transparency will most likely kill the relationship.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to landrezy)

Post #: 34

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 8:27:22 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I think if you have the right Master, not only is he right you want him to be right. Crave for him to be right, its needed. It has so much to do with compatibility. If You find yourself questioning questioning questioning, you can pretty much gaurantee that relationship will end eventually even if your in love.

A true Master proves he is worthy of good decisions, doesnt ask a possible slave to just believe blindyl, especially life changing things
. If they are asking that, I would question their intentions.

(in reply to MsKittyValentine)

Post #: 35

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 8:29:22 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

"Twue Masters"

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Post #: 36

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 9:16:14 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

NO. If he was always right I wouldn't have dragged him to the ER yesterday and he would have died.

I do hope you make exceptions to the "what I say goes" attitude, DS.

No. As I said, I WILL LISTEN to my sub. If she can convince me that my life is in danger, my judgment is such that I will take immediate action to deal with that situation. If it wasn't, she wouldn't have accepted me as her Dom. She TRUSTS my judgment, even if it leads to some situations she'd rather not be in at times.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 37

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 9:36:01 AM

wittynamehere

Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: emmy1960
When a sub and Dom differ in opinions, and have an disagreement, is the Dom always right??

Depends on the relationship. In my house, if it's a matter of opinion, then mine always trumps hers. But if it's a matter of correct or incorrect (say if we differ on what we think is true), whoever is right, is right. If I say 4+4 is 9, that doesn't make it true of course.

_____________________________

I almost never return to a thread, so if you saw my post and want me to hear your reply, please message it to me.

(in reply to emmy1960)

Post #: 38

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 9:49:29 AM

landrezy

Posts: 20
Joined: 6/3/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: landrezy

From the position of a sub that is not a valid question. If you are mine, you are not fit to make that distinction. You do not know my motivations, you likely do not know the entirety of an situation and I am under no obligation to share them with you.

You may feel that way, but lack of transparency will most likely kill the relationship.

I can understand how you would think that but it doesn't. You have to be careful when you read that. I am under no obligation but that doesn't mean that I do not choose to in certain circumstances. Above all I have an obligation not to violate trust.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 39

RE: Is the Dom/Master always right? - 6/11/2012 10:45:30 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Around here, a disagreement on a factual subject means we don't know enough about it to know what we should do and more research is required.

But he seriously isn't invested in things that can be solved by looking it up. That to me shows massive insecurity.

If it's an opinion, I'm not required to change mine. I just don't challenge him about it. I don't have to feel, as he does, that Brussels Sprouts are disgusting. I just can't serve them to him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 40

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