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Lucifyre -> RE: saw this in the journals (6/11/2012 8:24:05 PM)
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It's all about communication and delivery.
Even after as long as Mr and I have been together....well, scratch that...ESPECIALLY after as long as he and I have been a D/s couple, yes, I will in fact ask (sometimes yelling at him) to be hit harder. My hormone levels change frequently, some nights I can take a pretty brutal beating, other nights he barely touches my ass and I'm screaming and squirming begging him to stop NAOGODAMMITIMDYING!
He is incapable of reading my mind or feeling what I am feeling at any given moment. He has gotten quite good at reading my body and *usually* is able to "deliver" just what I need during a session. BUT, back to the not being able to read my mind thing...sometimes ya just gotta verbalize what your needs are at the moment. It's not an insult for me to ask him to hit me harder, in fact the way he views it is he is doing something pretty god damn right and my asking is essentially giving him the go ahead to get closer to where *he* wants to be.
Our relationship is a tangled web of a labarynth, we have been at it a very damn long time. I submit to him because it makes me feel amazing to give him pleasure. I do things for him that I don't like to do because he gets off on it. The fact that he is getting off gets me closer to getting off right with him (I am not just talking about orgasms btw, though those are nice) He dominates me because he gets pleasure out of giving me pleasure by giving me pain...and round and round it goes ;)
If I didn't have the ability to give him feedback even during the middle of a scene, in PLAIN FUCKING ENGLISH, we would never get anywhere. I would still be a silly little girl with a stupid ass fantasy straight out of a book and he would be a Twue Domly Dom and the D/s wouldn't work, we would go stomping off to our respective corners in a huff and the relationship would end because dammit he is supposed to fucking do everything RIGHT without me telling him what I need from him and I am supposed to use my Jedi Mind Reading Tricks to anticipate his needs and never simpley ask, or never simply converse with him.
Fuck, I was getting double fisted for the very first time Saturday (omg yummy yay go me!) and if I had not told the woman topping me to GO DEEPER DAMMIT, not only would we not have gotten to where we wanted to go, but she actually could have hurt me because of the way my body reacts to intense pleasure like that (clamp down, create anal fissure because widest part of hand is not in far enough).
These Dom/mes that get insulted by not allowing communication even sometimes of the "forceful" variety are frankly expecting too much of themselves. We are human, we are sexual beings, we enjoy giving each other pleasure...we are not mind readers. If your sub wants to be hit harder and tells you, don't get pissed off about it and hit too hard on purpose because You'll show them dammit...just do it and take pride in the fact that they want it from you and you're doin it right <3
Lucifyre
*the above are MY opinions and experience, if I have pissed you off by stating them...tough shit, have a nice big cup of get the fuck over it and a smile ;)
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