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LafayetteLady -> RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. (6/16/2012 11:23:06 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess
I'm not in an M/s dynamic, nor is that something that I seek. So I'm answering from a broader perspective. I'm also going to take a different approach to the term "putting on a pedestal", as generally that phrase has a negative connotation - that the person ultimately does not deserve to be on the pedestal. I am going to answer from the perspective of "putting on a pedestal" to simply mean "adoring" the person.
It seems to me that in any truly successful relationship, vanilla, D/s, M/s, or other, that both people might want to have the other on a pedestal, so to speak. I'm not convinced BDSM role necessitates a "putting on a pedestal" of the Dominant as much as the yin-yang of how BDSM roles fit together implies a mutual putting of each other on a pedestal. In other words, D/s doesn't exist in a vacuum of one person. It takes two. And understanding that a submissive complements a Dominant as much as a Dominant complements a submissive suggests to me that are each deserving of the respect and adulation for their respective role.
My best relationships have always been with men who adored me as much as I adored them. We each had the other on a pedestal of a sort. The pedestal didn't imply role. It simply reflected how highly we thought of each other. And to me, that seems like it should actually be independent of role.
I realize I'm taking my own unique perspective on this, and it may not really speak to others and their experiences. Simply sharing my own thoughts. [sm=2cents.gif]
I put this in a quote, because I think it really bears repeating. It is the most healthy way to have a relationship. So often here on these boards, we hear from s-types who have their d-types so high on a pedestal, both by choice and demand that they really become so handicapped they can't really function.
Yes, there are many who do the whole "his/her word is law/gospel," and for some it works well. However, for so many, they end up obeying foolish directives that had they used their own head, would have known better. The women who have turned over their finances, only to be dumped and find themselves destitute and homeless, those who engage in high-risk, dangerous activities because they were ordered to do so.
When two people in a relationship have that mutual respect, even if one does have the "last word," when they admire each other for what they each bring to the relationship, that is the only way that a healthy relationship of any kind can last.
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