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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 9:31:21 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I just usually put it all under one...bdsm and let people pull from that whatever way they want. But as for what the op was explaining, it doesn't sound like he wants her to dominate or lead in any way...he simply likes an assertive and outgoing who dresses in the sexy "domme" clothing....fishnet stockings, stilettos, black leather, yada, yada, yada. Almost every single man I know likes that of women whether they are a dom, sub or vanilla or anything else you want to label yourself.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 6/16/2012 9:32:01 PM >

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 10:12:27 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		Confidence is sexy IMO. Has nothing to do with BDSM at all.

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 10:28:44 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		The ability to be cruel isn't limited to dominants, either. Some of the most savage and creative sadists I've met have been submissive.

@CougarRick, when you are in a real authority based relationship, it's "on" all the time. She's going to be in charge whether she has your head trapped between her thighs, or she's giving you the blow job of your life. Don't let a fantasy close your mind to a potential reality.

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/18/2012 7:01:41 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

he simply likes an assertive and outgoing who dresses in the sexy "domme" clothing....fishnet stockings, stilettos, black leather, yada, yada, yada. Almost every single man I know likes that of women


Hubba,Hubba.

Course, a domme friend once observed that the only reason I like women dressed in suits is so that I can strip em of their power :-)
A good insight, and, with reflection, dead accurate

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/18/2012 7:25:44 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

he simply likes an assertive and outgoing who dresses in the sexy "domme" clothing....fishnet stockings, stilettos, black leather, yada, yada, yada. Almost every single man I know likes that of women


Hubba,Hubba.

Course, a domme friend once observed that the only reason I like women dressed in suits is so that I can strip em of their power :-)
A good insight, and, with reflection, dead accurate


Dude. If you have gotten a suit off a woman, you have made her more comfortable. If a person's power, symbolic or otherwise is in their clothes? They never had any.

Domly dom Hib

(tell me you make LW keep her bra on until you need her tits. THAT is sadism!)

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/18/2012 8:36:34 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		lol

Most times but not always. I think if I never had to leave the house I wouldn't be allowed to. I become more and more thankful for that reduction years ago. lol


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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/18/2012 1:36:57 PM   
Ilayda


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/3/2011
Status: offline 		Do you possibly just like the idea that someone who enjoys hurting others "likes" you enough to keep you more "at her level"?

That doesn't mean you're not submissive, necessarily, but I could see it being an attraction to having a perceived favor in the eyes of someone powerful and sadistic.

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/19/2012 3:31:43 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
@CougarRick, when you are in a real authority based relationship, it's "on" all the time. She's going to be in charge whether she has your head trapped between her thighs, or she's giving you the blow job of your life.



I hadn’t really thought of it that way, but it makes sense. Am I at least close to the mark in assuming that her satisfaction is usually the priority?




quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Don't let a fantasy close your mind to a potential reality.



Point taken. I’m still grasping the differences between the preconceptions of the Dom/Sub relationship I came to this board with and the reality that I am gradually becoming aware of

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/19/2012 3:38:25 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I would say her satisfaction should be a priority, Rick, yes. :) in whatever form that satisfaction takes. I was playing on a Tales of Bad Oral thread on a friend's Fetl journal, and lets just say that the man who understands that he is with a unique individual will have more success than the rest.

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/21/2012 8:44:23 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I would say her satisfaction should be a priority, Rick, yes. :) in whatever form that satisfaction takes



That’s kind of what I had in mind. I may be completely clueless here due to lack of experience, but I do find the idea of always having to please her without ever knowing when or if I will receive satisfaction strangely exciting. It would always keep things interesting. Obviously I would like some sort of a relationship rather than just completely being used, so if I spent years with my face between her legs without ever once having any gratification or being treated like someone she cares even remotely about I might feel that it wasn’t working out, but in general I would enjoy the idea of having to please and earn kindness.


I’m not sure I would get super keen on the whole tied up, beaten and tortured stuff, but if I felt there was a match and that was her thing I would agree to that so long as I trusted her enough not to permanently harm me. I think I would still be scared shitless and might try to ask her if we could start slow with basic punishment and slowly build me up to the level of punishment she likes. Do doms tolerate that hesitance with beginner subs or is it “take the pain sub”?


I figure as long as the punishment incorporates some sort of lesson so I can learn how to avoid it in the future I can work with it.


Some guys here sound so eager to be ripped apart. It sounds exciting at a theoretical fantasy level, but when I think of actually being tied up and truly not being able to defend myself with some sadist lady having all the time in the world with me, I sometimes wonder if I really know what I am thinking of getting myself into.


Am I a complete wuss here or are many new sub wannabees this nervous about what some dom might do to them?




quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
lets just say that the man who understands that he is with a unique individual will have more success than the rest.




If a woman was willing to overlook the age difference and take me seriously, then yes I would recognise how uniquely lucky I was and be prepared to earn approval on a regular basis. As I have stated on earlier threads, while I am very confident with girls my age, older women make me all rubbery legged, blushy and as nervous as I remember being at junior high dances, so treating her like she is unique would NOT be a problem. Treating her like a celebrity goddess is more like it.

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/21/2012 9:01:29 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick
Some guys here sound so eager to be ripped apart. It sounds exciting at a theoretical fantasy level, but when I think of actually being tied up and truly not being able to defend myself with some sadist lady having all the time in the world with me, I sometimes wonder if I really know what I am thinking of getting myself into.


Am I a complete wuss here or are many new sub wannabees this nervous about what some dom might do to them?


You should absolutely be cautious about what you're getting yourself into. Complete trust between partners is an absolute must. Until trust is there for both of you, I'd avoid hands-on. Good on you for being introspective and realistic. You sound like a young man who understands the difference between real life and porn, and I applaud you for it.

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/21/2012 9:26:35 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am way past the point where I have the patience to break in a new person, but I have, and there are plenty of women who are kind to the inexperienced.

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/21/2012 9:48:16 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Basically, you want My husband's life. Nope. You are not alone.



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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/25/2012 2:47:25 PM   
focalss


Posts: 164
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		A substantial portion or a majority of people on this forum are going to tell you that Ds has nothing to do with sex.  To me music for instance has nothing to do with sex but it might to them. 

To me Ds has everything to do with sex (but I am not saying I don't like vanilla sex or music so don't read into it).  Take that for what its worth.  

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/25/2012 3:43:06 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

To me music for instance has nothing to do with sex but it might to them.


This reminds me of the time I was an hour into a Scene when I realized a Nickelback song was looping.

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/25/2012 8:54:56 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
You should absolutely be cautious about what you're getting yourself into. Complete trust between partners is an absolute must. Until trust is there for both of you, I'd avoid hands-on.



Glad to hear my nervousness isn’t a negative. I am eager to explore this community and get involved, but I do have some reservations.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
Good on you for being introspective and realistic.


Nobody has ever accused me of that before

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
You sound like a young man who understands the difference between real life and porn, and I applaud you for it.


Thank you. I do find the idea of a relationship with an older dom to be appealing, but some of the stuff I read here does make me worry about the possibility of meeting some psycho. In fairness, most of the ladies here sound well grounded, but if I were to go to one of these “munches” I wouldn’t know how to tell the difference between someone who knows what she is doing knowing the limitations of the human body, and some psycho who will do permanent harm.

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/25/2012 8:56:10 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am way past the point where I have the patience to break in a new person, but I have, and there are plenty of women who are kind to the inexperienced.


Yeah, I guess once a person has honed their own experience to the point where they know exactly what they want and how; the idea of having to spell things out for a rookie would be less than appealing.

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/25/2012 9:39:35 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		That's not true, I have friends that I teasingly call 'virgin hunters'. i'm not at a point in MY life where I have the patience for novices anymore.

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RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/25/2012 10:47:50 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

That's not true, I have friends that I teasingly call 'virgin hunters'.



Oh thank god!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/26/2012 12:36:19 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
Good on you for being introspective and realistic.


quote:

Nobody has ever accused me of that before


For context, we often get these types: No Limit slave 4 sadists

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