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RE: Bumpin Fuglies: Correlation of Power & Authority - 6/18/2012 9:05:35 PM   
NuevaVida


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I love the water analogy too.

But I'm in a different place regarding power and authority. Maybe it's because I'm in what seems to be a constant state of transition lately (which is not a bad thing).

The Mister has more of a quiet power. Subtle, but there. Sometimes I wish it were more aggressive, but that could be because I've only experienced aggressive power before. It's not lacking in anyway, it's just different for me to experience it this way. He's more like the river that slowly and gradually shapes its path as it moves its way toward its ultimate goal. I turn around a few years later and see the form he's been creating. It's fascinating.

And then there's my own power. I've learned in recent years I have a lot of it. It's always been there, but it was mis-channeled, or hidden, or stifled. I'm seeing it more clearly now, what it's capable of, and what I can do with it. I'm finding it can match most anyone's, so maybe it's good that the Mister's is more subtle in it's form, otherwise there could be the potential for some serious clashing, which wouldn't be so fun.

So with us, we both have power, but he has the authority. He has it because I gave it to him. This was an exercise of my own power - to channel my energy in a way that follows his lead. It's an expression of who I am. I've given authority away before, coming from a different place - a place of not recognizing I had any power at all - and it felt so different than it does now. It was more a state of helplessness back then, and any time my power would start to show itself, he'd squash it back down, so I never learned to accept, embrace, and channel it until the relationship ended.

Here and now, the decisions he makes with the authority he has, allows me to use this power of mine in ways that are healthy for me, and that benefit those around me. He also redirects that power (rather than squashes it) if it is in conflict with his own. Just last night I was telling him that I feel I still have a ways to go in letting go of control - it's been such a long process for me this time - and he just smiled and said we have the rest of our lives and there's no hurry for that, and it's happening just as it's supposed to. I know he could force it, and I would bend to that, but he and I both know if he did that, it would hurt us in the long run, too. So his power is subtle - always there, yet allowing me to find my own way to him, while at the same time keeping me on course.

Kind of a ramble here, but that's what happens when you're still working through it.

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RE: Bumpin Fuglies: Correlation of Power & Authority - 6/18/2012 9:35:24 PM   
ARIES83


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Wasn't a ramble at all! Was very nice.
Sounds like you have found a good thing.

-ARIES

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RE: Bumpin Fuglies: Correlation of Power & Authority - 6/18/2012 10:07:41 PM   
littlewonder


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quote:

But if you give the dog love, even when he makes a mistake, and he knows he's made a mistake, he'll love you for the rest of your life.


Skinner's Theory.


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RE: Bumpin Fuglies: Correlation of Power & Authority - 6/18/2012 10:15:47 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Wasn't a ramble at all! Was very nice.
Sounds like you have found a good thing.

-ARIES

Thank you, Arise, and yes i do feel very fortunate.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Bumpin Fuglies: Correlation of Power & Authority - 6/19/2012 10:56:31 AM   
RaspberryLemon


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83


quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon

LaTigresse's post elaborated on what I meant perfectly. So a thanks for explaining it better than I could. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
I would be interested in how everyone sees Reward/Punishment being related to Authority/Power/Control?
I don't think they are always necessarily related, but in line with my earlier explanation of the concepts: reward and punishment are some potential tools for authority.


Thats interesting, I think of punishment/reward
As the foundation of the other three, I can't think
How I would separate them. They may not always be
obvious on the surface but I think they are always
There in some form, at the core.
Diffrent point of view, different experiences i suppose.
Like i said before Im not saying your wrong, we
just see the world through diffrent eyes i suppose.

-ARIES

I speak of the concepts in this context as they would be applied intentionally as tools by the person in the position of authority. If we look at how things work underlying everything else...in the sense that reward/punishment = positive reinforcement/negative reinforcement, then my view is essentially as Endivius has said:
quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius
In pyschology, positive and negative reinforcement are used throughout our entire lives. We even use it on ourselves. We weigh the rewards to the costs, and decide what we are willing to accept. It is no different in an authoritive dynamic, the primary rule of thumb being that if it is within the paramaters of what make you both happy and accepting of eachother, you'll do it. Regardless of how kinky or vanilla it might be.
Positive and negative reinforcement are constant forces in our lives, and often times they are a subconscious or unintentional process of someone's actions and reactions to us that is ongoing, instead of a more direct way of using it as a tool (for instance "do x and you get the cookie, don't do x and you get a time out.)

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