RE: correcting a subs behaviour

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crazyml -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/18/2012 1:10:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Refusing to wash and using the sink as a toilet are both signs to me that we are not in the least compatible. If you don't respect yourself and your immediate environment, how can I expect you to respect me? So this. While I'm certain that there are subs and doms out there that would thrive in an environment where every single aspect of the sub's behaviour is controlled and modified by the dom, this just is not for me.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/18/2012 5:08:33 AM)
Major kudos on the quitting smoking !! In my time on earth, I have quit smoking pot (I was a daily smoker of several joints a day), using various recreational drugs, caffeine, almost all alcohol, and cigarettes. Cigarettes have by far been the worse. I'm like a nicotine junkie. I will always crave it, but I decide every day not to give in to it. So I agree, it's the most addictive substance I have encountered.

masmiss -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/18/2012 5:42:28 AM)
quote: I did things like remind her every time she walked out of the bathroom to wash her hands, every time she was about to cook to wash her hands. Ugh. It always astounds me to hear that there are adults out there who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/18/2012 9:30:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masmiss quote: I did things like remind her every time she walked out of the bathroom to wash her hands, every time she was about to cook to wash her hands. Ugh. It always astounds me to hear that there are adults out there who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom. I know right! We were at a restaurant of all places and this woman came in went to the bathroom and walked out. I stared at the door handle in horror thinking even a really thick paper towel may not be enough. ewe.

JeffBC -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/18/2012 10:37:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalthus What I meant was, you meet a potential sub, there are areas of their behaviour/manner that you don't like. They refuse to agree to change that behaviour Note that there are two parts to this statement. A) There are areas of their behavior that I don't like. This is normal, predictable, and frankly I'd be more than a bit concerned if I met a human being that had NO behaviors I didn't like. No issues here. B) THey refuse to agree to change that behavior. Which tells me they are not compatible with me. It isn't the specific behavior, it's more the way they look at things like "union" and "team work" and what it means to say "I'm married".

TNDommeK -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/18/2012 10:46:22 AM)
Oh MassMiss it scares Me to death to look at your avi pic. shudders LOL You're right though, grown folks who just walk right past the sinks. shudders again Then My mind works like this: what do they touch next? Maybe the shopping cart I'm about to grab. I keep alcohol in My purse just for stuff like that.

graceadieu -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/18/2012 11:20:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven My sub just quit smoking. It took a year. She quit once and then backslid with a couple of months. She was going through a lot of stress so I didn't push it. After I thought the time got better (and I got impatient), she quit with my prodding. She is using nicotine gum and patches, and will taper them off. She knew I didn't like it, and she knew it was burning money that she needed to devote elsewhere, and she knew it was bad for her health. So she intellectually understood the reasons to quit. But she did it mostly because I wanted her to. Had she not wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to make her quit because I would not have been willing to lose the relationship over it. Good for her! I've seen enough people try and fail and try again and so on to know how hard it is to quit. As far as this and what the OP is asking, I do think the important thing, not just for addictions but also for long-ingrained habits and attitudes, is that the person try to change. People don't change overnight, sometimes we slip up and go back to the old habit or thing, but I think as long as we get up and try again and make a sincere attempt to improve ourselves.... I think the dominant should accept that. It's just when somebody won't even bother to try - that's when there's really a problem.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/18/2012 12:15:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNDommeK Oh MassMiss it scares Me to death to look at your avi pic. shudders LOL You're right though, grown folks who just walk right past the sinks. shudders again Then My mind works like this: what do they touch next? Maybe the shopping cart I'm about to grab. I keep alcohol in My purse just for stuff like that. OH I am glad I scare you. I try to be scary now and then, but usually only get a nice try and a smile. Oh yes those shopping carts. I am so thankful they are putting wipes by them now. Yes my germaphobe comes out when I wipe down my cart but hell I am putting my child in the seat and who knows what the last person touched! On the news this morning they talked about the dirtiest thing in a hotel room was the remote and lamp. I am fixing to spend 3 days in Ft Worth at a hotel, I do believe I will run and get some clorox wipes.

TNDommeK -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/18/2012 3:54:22 PM)
No no, it is MassMiss that scares Me, her avi pic is of a filthy devil creature...a SPIDER!! lol But yes I would get some wipes, hell get some Lysol and spray the shit out of everything.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/18/2012 5:57:54 PM)
Oh ok... yes spiders eeek. There was a brown recluse in my bathroom, Everytime I went to smash the think it ran under the baseboard. ICK Yes I am going to wipe things down and check for bed bugs. I dont want any presents coming home with me.

slaveluci -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/19/2012 8:43:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masmiss quote: I did things like remind her every time she walked out of the bathroom to wash her hands, every time she was about to cook to wash her hands. Ugh. It always astounds me to hear that there are adults out there who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom. Reminds me of that old joke that goes something like this: Two guys were in a public restroom taking a leak. They each finish and one goes to wash his hands while the other one just zips up and heads for the door. First guy says to second: My mother always taught me to wash my hands after I piss." Other guy retorts: "Really. Well mine always taught me not to piss all over my hands." Ba dum dum[8D].........luci

DesFIP -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/20/2012 8:50:49 AM)
If her must haves are your deal breakers, then you aren't compatible to begin with. Meaning if she isn't committed to quitting smoking now, and you hate it with a passion, then don't get involved with her to begin with. The likelihood of the relationship working correlates to how compatible you are. After a while, if you try to change every single thing about her, she's going to be too frustrated and will tell you that you shouldn't have gotten involved with her when you didn't like her as is. And she'll go look for someone who also smokes and eats red meat instead of a nonsmoking vegan.

bigblkuk -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/22/2012 3:36:25 AM)
If a subs behaviours are not inline with expectations it is the masters fault! Clearly in a one off meeting u are never gonna fully understand each other but it is the masters responsibility to be clear with expectations and how to behave To many masters blame it all on the sub and forget we are te guiders in a relationship! If a sub is pushing boundaries and we are not correcting them it is on us not the sub! Realise our place as masters and subs will learn their place and respect our control! Firm hands hold things tighter

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/22/2012 4:34:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci Reminds me of that old joke that goes something like this: Two guys were in a public restroom taking a leak. They each finish and one goes to wash his hands while the other one just zips up and heads for the door. First guy says to second: My mother always taught me to wash my hands after I piss." Other guy retorts: "Really. Well mine always taught me not to piss all over my hands." Ba dum dum[8D].........luci All jokes aside, the above reflects many people's attitudes, which is why even touching a shopping cart leads to passing on every viral infection in the book. It's not about what you may or may not have on your hands, it's about what every single person had on their hands when they touched the washroom door, stall, sink, whatever. But, the joke is correct in that hand washing or the lack thereof is taught in early childhood. It should be one of those second nature things, like brushing your teeth and not littering. I personally am just not interested in taking someone who has not been properly habilitated into society and attempting to change them. I'm sure it can be done with the right motivation, just not by me.

SassySarijane -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/22/2012 5:16:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bigblkuk If a subs behaviours are not inline with expectations it is the masters fault! Clearly in a one off meeting u are never gonna fully understand each other but it is the masters responsibility to be clear with expectations and how to behave To many masters blame it all on the sub and forget we are te guiders in a relationship! If a sub is pushing boundaries and we are not correcting them it is on us not the sub! Realise our place as masters and subs will learn their place and respect our control! Firm hands hold things tighter In a one off/first time meet, I have not agreed to submit and if attempts to control or correct me are made, I am done and gone. I do not belong to that person unless and until I agree to submit, and agreeing to meet and/or scene/play is not agreeing to submit and obey. If arrangements to meet are made and there are attempts made to tell me how to dress, etc. for it, I will cancel the meet because that tells me very quickly we likely aren't compatible. It takes a great deal of trust and respect before I can let go and submit to someone. Submissive doesn't mean I submit to or obey anyone claiming to be a dominant.

OsideGirl -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/22/2012 7:22:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bigblkuk If a subs behaviours are not inline with expectations it is the masters fault! Clearly in a one off meeting u are never gonna fully understand each other but it is the masters responsibility to be clear with expectations and how to behave To many masters blame it all on the sub and forget we are te guiders in a relationship! If a sub is pushing boundaries and we are not correcting them it is on us not the sub! Realise our place as masters and subs will learn their place and respect our control! Firm hands hold things tighter He said POTENTIAL submissive. Which means that you have no control over that person because there hasn't been a dynamic agreed upon.

lamb -> RE: correcting a subs behaviour (6/23/2012 10:27:53 AM)
Mistress Chatte has been working very successfully (most of the time) in changing my behavior. Mistress identifies something she wishes to change in me and slowly, lovingly has me report to her whether i have followed her instructions.When i am remiss i feel her disappointment, even though it is only over the phone, it gives my soul a bad sad feeling, when i please Mistress it makes me happy. She has been a great influence on me in our relationship and in my relationships with others.

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