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RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/18/2012 1:10:33 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Refusing to wash and using the sink as a toilet are both signs to me that we are not in the least compatible. If you don't respect yourself and your immediate environment, how can I expect you to respect me?


So this.

While I'm certain that there are subs and doms out there that would thrive in an environment where every single aspect of the sub's behaviour is controlled and modified by the dom, this just is not for me.




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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/18/2012 5:08:33 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Major kudos on the quitting smoking !!

In my time on earth, I have quit smoking pot (I was a daily smoker of several joints a day), using various recreational drugs, caffeine, almost all alcohol, and cigarettes. Cigarettes have by far been the worse. I'm like a nicotine junkie. I will always crave it, but I decide every day not to give in to it.

So I agree, it's the most addictive substance I have encountered.






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(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/18/2012 5:42:28 AM   
masmiss


Posts: 494
Joined: 2/16/2009
From: New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

I did things like remind her every time she walked out of the bathroom to wash her hands, every time she was about to cook to wash her hands.


Ugh. It always astounds me to hear that there are adults out there who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.

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I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/18/2012 9:30:03 AM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masmiss

quote:

I did things like remind her every time she walked out of the bathroom to wash her hands, every time she was about to cook to wash her hands.


Ugh. It always astounds me to hear that there are adults out there who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.


I know right! We were at a restaurant of all places and this woman came in went to the bathroom and walked out. I stared at the door handle in horror thinking even a really thick paper towel may not be enough. ewe.

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Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


(in reply to masmiss)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/18/2012 10:37:05 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalthus
What I meant was, you meet a potential sub, there are areas of their behaviour/manner that you don't like. They refuse to agree to change that behaviour

Note that there are two parts to this statement.

A) There are areas of their behavior that I don't like.
This is normal, predictable, and frankly I'd be more than a bit concerned if I met a human being that had NO behaviors I didn't like. No issues here.

B) THey refuse to agree to change that behavior.
Which tells me they are not compatible with me. It isn't the specific behavior, it's more the way they look at things like "union" and "team work" and what it means to say "I'm married".


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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to kalthus)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/18/2012 10:46:22 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Oh MassMiss it scares Me to death to look at your avi pic. *shudders* LOL
You're right though, grown folks who just walk right past the sinks. *shudders again* Then My mind works like this: what do they touch next? Maybe the shopping cart I'm about to grab. I keep alcohol in My purse just for stuff like that.

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Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/18/2012 11:20:28 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

My sub just quit smoking. It took a year. She quit once and then backslid with a couple of months. She was going through a lot of stress so I didn't push it. After I thought the time got better (and I got impatient), she quit with my prodding. She is using nicotine gum and patches, and will taper them off.

She knew I didn't like it, and she knew it was burning money that she needed to devote elsewhere, and she knew it was bad for her health. So she intellectually understood the reasons to quit. But she did it mostly because I wanted her to. Had she not wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to make her quit because I would not have been willing to lose the relationship over it.


Good for her! I've seen enough people try and fail and try again and so on to know how hard it is to quit.

As far as this and what the OP is asking, I do think the important thing, not just for addictions but also for long-ingrained habits and attitudes, is that the person try to change. People don't change overnight, sometimes we slip up and go back to the old habit or thing, but I think as long as we get up and try again and make a sincere attempt to improve ourselves.... I think the dominant should accept that. It's just when somebody won't even bother to try - that's when there's really a problem.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/18/2012 12:15:11 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Oh MassMiss it scares Me to death to look at your avi pic. *shudders* LOL
You're right though, grown folks who just walk right past the sinks. *shudders again* Then My mind works like this: what do they touch next? Maybe the shopping cart I'm about to grab. I keep alcohol in My purse just for stuff like that.



OH I am glad I scare you. I try to be scary now and then, but usually only get a nice try and a smile.

Oh yes those shopping carts. I am so thankful they are putting wipes by them now. Yes my germaphobe comes out when I wipe down my cart but hell I am putting my child in the seat and who knows what the last person touched!

On the news this morning they talked about the dirtiest thing in a hotel room was the remote and lamp. I am fixing to spend 3 days in Ft Worth at a hotel, I do believe I will run and get some clorox wipes.

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Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/18/2012 3:54:22 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		No no, it is MassMiss that scares Me, her avi pic is of a filthy devil creature...a SPIDER!! lol

But yes I would get some wipes, hell get some Lysol and spray the shit out of everything.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/18/2012 5:57:54 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		Oh ok... yes spiders eeek. There was a brown recluse in my bathroom, Everytime I went to smash the think it ran under the baseboard. ICK


Yes I am going to wipe things down and check for bed bugs. I dont want any presents coming home with me.

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Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/19/2012 8:43:08 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masmiss

quote:

I did things like remind her every time she walked out of the bathroom to wash her hands, every time she was about to cook to wash her hands.


Ugh. It always astounds me to hear that there are adults out there who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.

Reminds me of that old joke that goes something like this: Two guys were in a public restroom taking a leak. They each finish and one goes to wash his hands while the other one just zips up and heads for the door. First guy says to second: My mother always taught me to wash my hands after I piss." Other guy retorts: "Really. Well mine always taught me not to piss all over my hands." Ba dum dum.........luci

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(in reply to masmiss)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/20/2012 8:50:49 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If her must haves are your deal breakers, then you aren't compatible to begin with. Meaning if she isn't committed to quitting smoking now, and you hate it with a passion, then don't get involved with her to begin with. The likelihood of the relationship working correlates to how compatible you are.

After a while, if you try to change every single thing about her, she's going to be too frustrated and will tell you that you shouldn't have gotten involved with her when you didn't like her as is. And she'll go look for someone who also smokes and eats red meat instead of a nonsmoking vegan.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/22/2012 3:36:25 AM   
bigblkuk


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/20/2012
Status: offline 		If a subs behaviours are not inline with expectations it is the masters fault!

Clearly in a one off meeting u are never gonna fully understand each other but it is the masters responsibility to be clear with expectations and how to behave

To many masters blame it all on the sub and forget we are te guiders in a relationship! If a sub is pushing boundaries and we are not correcting them it is on us not the sub!

Realise our place as masters and subs will learn their place and respect our control!

Firm hands hold things tighter

(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/22/2012 4:34:55 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci


Reminds me of that old joke that goes something like this: Two guys were in a public restroom taking a leak. They each finish and one goes to wash his hands while the other one just zips up and heads for the door. First guy says to second: My mother always taught me to wash my hands after I piss." Other guy retorts: "Really. Well mine always taught me not to piss all over my hands." Ba dum dum.........luci



All jokes aside, the above reflects many people's attitudes, which is why even touching a shopping cart leads to passing on every viral infection in the book. It's not about what you may or may not have on your hands, it's about what every single person had on their hands when they touched the washroom door, stall, sink, whatever.

But, the joke is correct in that hand washing or the lack thereof is taught in early childhood. It should be one of those second nature things, like brushing your teeth and not littering. I personally am just not interested in taking someone who has not been properly habilitated into society and attempting to change them. I'm sure it can be done with the right motivation, just not by me.



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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/22/2012 5:16:53 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bigblkuk

If a subs behaviours are not inline with expectations it is the masters fault!

Clearly in a one off meeting u are never gonna fully understand each other but it is the masters responsibility to be clear with expectations and how to behave

To many masters blame it all on the sub and forget we are te guiders in a relationship! If a sub is pushing boundaries and we are not correcting them it is on us not the sub!

Realise our place as masters and subs will learn their place and respect our control!

Firm hands hold things tighter



In a one off/first time meet, I have not agreed to submit and if attempts to control or correct me are made, I am done and gone. I do not belong to that person unless and until I agree to submit, and agreeing to meet and/or scene/play is not agreeing to submit and obey. If arrangements to meet are made and there are attempts made to tell me how to dress, etc. for it, I will cancel the meet because that tells me very quickly we likely aren't compatible. It takes a great deal of trust and respect before I can let go and submit to someone. Submissive doesn't mean I submit to or obey anyone claiming to be a dominant.


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(in reply to bigblkuk)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/22/2012 7:22:15 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bigblkuk

If a subs behaviours are not inline with expectations it is the masters fault!

Clearly in a one off meeting u are never gonna fully understand each other but it is the masters responsibility to be clear with expectations and how to behave

To many masters blame it all on the sub and forget we are te guiders in a relationship! If a sub is pushing boundaries and we are not correcting them it is on us not the sub!

Realise our place as masters and subs will learn their place and respect our control!

Firm hands hold things tighter


He said POTENTIAL submissive. Which means that you have no control over that person because there hasn't been a dynamic agreed upon.


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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to bigblkuk)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: correcting a subs behaviour - 6/23/2012 10:27:53 AM   
lamb


Posts: 22
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline 		Mistress Chatte has been working very successfully (most of the time) in changing my behavior.  Mistress  identifies something she wishes to change in me and slowly, lovingly has me report to her whether i have followed her instructions.When i am remiss i feel her disappointment, even though it is only over the phone, it gives my soul a bad sad feeling, when i please Mistress it makes me happy.  She has been a great influence on me in our relationship and in my relationships with others.

(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)
Profile   Post #: 37
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