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are the sub's interests important - 6/20/2012 2:12:36 PM

brav32

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/17/2012
Status: offline

i have been in a D/s relationship before for a year. i was never ask my interests, i did as i was told, cleaning, cooking, laundry, beatings to help me learn, used for sexual needs of whoever, ect. i like it that way. Everything was structured, when to eat, sleep and good to the gym. i use to be a lazy person before being put in my place.

i am new to finding people online. Most of them want to meet up and do my interests. i feel like there more like kinky swingers. i am looking for long term with people i connect with that are interested in their own needs.

Or am i in the wrong for not listing my interests. do i have to list interests?

< Message edited by brav32 -- 6/20/2012 2:34:09 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: are the sub's interests important - 6/20/2012 2:37:37 PM

LadyHibiscus

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In a universe of infinite possibility, you need do nothing. Or everything.

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Post #: 2

RE: are the sub's interests important - 6/20/2012 5:45:40 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

To answer the question in the title of this thread, all dynamics are different. For me, yeah, the sub's interests are important. I do like to know what he likes and doesn't like, what he hard limits, etc etc. I like to know because in any dynamic with me it's not just about me, it's about both of us. I want to include things that he likes too. If our interests just don't match up at all, then we're not compatible and it wouldn't get as far as creating a dynamic anyway. As usual, as the Dominant, I would have the last word.

NBMG

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Post #: 3

RE: are the sub's interests important - 6/20/2012 6:26:53 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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My sub's interests are important. Random folks on the net, not so much.

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Post #: 4

RE: are the sub's interests important - 6/20/2012 9:23:36 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL:

Or am i in the wrong for not listing my interests. do i have to list interests?

No, you are not in the wrong and you don't have to do anything with your profile that
you don't want to (within terms of service). But personally, for compatibility, I'm interested in an applicant's interests even if there's no guarantee that he'd get to indulge in them with me.

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- Miss Marie

(in reply to brav32)

Post #: 5

RE: are the sub's interests important - 6/21/2012 3:36:23 AM

hangemhigh1953

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Joined: 7/8/2011
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Your interests DO matter. Whether or not you want to, I can say with relative certainty that you have wants and needs, and if they aren't being met (to a reasonable degree), you're in an unfulfilling relationship. If you're in an unfulfilling relationship, you have to ask why you even choose to stay with this person.

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when passion's a prison you can't break free"

(in reply to brav32)

Post #: 6

RE: are the sub's interests important - 6/21/2012 9:46:33 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hangemhigh1953

Your interests DO matter. Whether or not you want to, I can say with relative certainty that you have wants and needs, and if they aren't being met (to a reasonable degree), you're in an unfulfilling relationship. If you're in an unfulfilling relationship, you have to ask why you even choose to stay with this person.

This. ^^^^

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Post #: 7

RE: are the sub's interests important - 6/21/2012 11:21:32 AM

lthrpup

Posts: 125
Joined: 4/28/2004
Status: offline

Sounds like your biggest need is service oriented submission, possibly slavery. Emphasize that and you should find the sort of demanding person you are seeking. Include other important interests as background information so you can be evaluated for compatibility. Save the list of kinky activities you desire until you are asked for it.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 8

RE: are the sub's interests important - 6/21/2012 7:36:08 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

I was gonna say, The Subs interests are important, if you want him to stick around.

But there you are, standing there.

So I will say, whatever floats your boat, but don't suppose for a moment that I'm even remotely into being in a situation and not having a reason to be there.

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(in reply to lthrpup)

Post #: 9

RE: are the sub's interests important - 7/2/2012 12:21:27 PM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

Request free time to fulfill your interests. Just be sure not to expect him to have the same ones, or find out what he likes and learn some new skills through participation if he wishes.

LBO

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 10

RE: are the sub's interests important - 7/2/2012 12:32:50 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brav32

Or am i in the wrong for not listing my interests. do i have to list interests?

I'm always amazed when adults ask questions like this.

(in reply to brav32)

Post #: 11

RE: are the sub's interests important - 7/2/2012 1:30:39 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

You don't have to list your interests. But being with someone who is demanding, who puts their own wishes first, who holds strict ideas on what you should be doing with your time - these ARE your interests. It sounds like an indulgent partner would not be a good match for you, and you would be unfulfilled in your relationship. So yes, your interests are important, even if your main interest happens to be focusing entirely on someone else's interests.

If you mean do you need to provide a kinky checklist of what gets you excited - well again that's up to you. It would probably help a prospective partner to at least have an idea. My husband likes to know what makes me tick. Doesn't mean he's going to do those things - but he likes to have a balance between me doing the things he likes best, occasionally treating me to the things I like best, and once in a while having me do things I hate just to make me suffer for him. I could say 'I don't want to tell you what I like because I only want to please you'... but that wouldn't please him!

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(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 12

RE: are the sub's interests important - 7/2/2012 5:43:38 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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I have absolutely no concept as to how to respond.

(I guess I just did....so....I fed the monster).

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 7/2/2012 5:44:20 PM >

(in reply to brav32)

Post #: 13

RE: are the sub's interests important - 7/3/2012 5:49:21 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

FR~
I wouldn't show any interest in a lump of meat that has no interests or personality.

So, the real question is, are you here on the site to find a new match for a relationship? If so, then listing your interests and not being a shallow puddle of a person will make you more appealing in the meat market.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 14

RE: are the sub's interests important - 7/3/2012 6:01:43 AM

MsSylverdawn

Posts: 147
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline

For me my boy's interest help me understand him.. give me a set of buttons to push so I can ramp up or down as I see fit. Example.. the boy hates being tickled... and yet squirms delightfully... so I use that sometimes to motivate him to do something else.. or sometimes I tickle him because the way he squirms and begs makes me happy. I want someone who is interactive not simply a sponge.. spoanges take take take... I need some give as well...

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 15

RE: are the sub's interests important - 7/3/2012 6:47:20 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

No, you don't have to list your interests, but the sub's interests ARE important. A good dominant wants to know their sub very well, they want to get inside your mind, they want to claim your soul.

You *say* that your interests are not important, although you make it abundantly clear in your profile that you want a strong punishment dynamic.

Now, there is nothing wrong with want that, but that *does* mean you do have wants, and they *are* important to you. Really, your profile comes across as YOU know the right way, and the ONLY way, and everybody else better step up to the plate else they are "fake."

This is not attractive in the least. It certainly will not attract the kind of strong controlling dominants you prefer.

You expect someone to take control of you, and punish you when you do wrong. But you see, I have an issue with that. I don't do punishment dynamics. Why? B/c I don't need my boy to fuck up in order to "punish" him, I can "punish" him whenever I want just b/c. I'm in charge, he isn't. (Note that I am using punishment to mean any use I wish of him, it might be painful, it might not.) A punishment dynamic erodes the important obedience dynamic that I need for ME. If a sub is not going to obey me in most things, than fuck that, I have no patience for having to "make him."

I believe what you are seeking would only be of interest to new, rather clueless dominants who most likely are not able to give you the strong control you crave.

Another one of your issues is that you *might* not be giving people a chance to get to know you. A good dominant will not pull out her entire bag of tricks on a first date, so to speak. So stop expecting that.

Seriously I think YOU need to do some learning and growing and discovering about what kind of dynamic works best for you, and who is best suited to mesh with your needs.

_____________________________

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Post #: 16

RE: are the sub's interests important - 7/3/2012 7:24:42 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

OP - I agree with CP about the tone of your profile. Don't even mention the scammers; it will turn off your target audience. In fact, I think you should delete your last four paragraphs, work on your tone, and add a lot a vanilla stuff about you. Women ISO a relationship will want to know more about you.

There is a lot of profile advice in this section, including the FAQs IIRC.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 7/3/2012 7:25:13 AM >

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Post #: 17

RE: are the sub's interests important - 7/4/2012 4:09:09 PM

evalstoevres

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/24/2011
From: Edmond, Oklahoma
Status: offline

i would say it depends of course on the dynamic. However for the relationship, ANY relationship to be sustainable both interests and underlying motives need to be taken into account otherwise errors will occur out of omission.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 18

RE: are the sub's interests important - 7/5/2012 6:44:56 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brav32

i have been in a D/s relationship before for a year. i was never ask my interests, i did as i was told, cleaning, cooking, laundry, beatings to help me learn, used for sexual needs of whoever, ect. i like it that way. Everything was structured, when to eat, sleep and good to the gym. i use to be a lazy person before being put in my place.

i am new to finding people online. Most of them want to meet up and do my interests. i feel like there more like kinky swingers. i am looking for long term with people i connect with that are interested in their own needs.

Or am i in the wrong for not listing my interests. do i have to list interests?

I have very specific things I am looking for, but I still want to know the interests of any sub/slave I speak to. I'm not one to cater to them, but I *am* seeking compatibility.

For example, what you describe of that year and your feelings on it are exactly the type of information I would like to gain from talking to you as a potential partner.

I also *do* seek casual and not-casual play partners, so I look for if a bottom is interested in things I desire topping to.

Not every slave is going to want to be the type of slave I am seeking. I need to know how they work, what they desire, their skills, etc to know if they suit me.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

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(in reply to brav32)

Post #: 19

RE: are the sub's interests important - 7/6/2012 12:18:50 PM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

Think of the most disgusting vile person whom you hate and for whom you have no respect. Would you have gladly been Saddam Hussein's toilet for example?

If your answer is yes, then your interests do not matter and all that matters is your submission.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 20

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