Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Lost phone bill


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Lost phone bill Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/22/2012 4:13:47 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Take away his phone. By the way if you're the boss in that house, then whose fault is it that his desk got to be such a pigsty?



Okay, I'll say it. I *loath* dynamics like this. It seems to be all about punishing people for who they are, and never about using the natural power a dom has over their s-type to improve, uplift, or anything else positive.

Yeah yeah yeah, we're supposed to respect other's dynamics. How about I respect their right to have whatever dynamic they chose, but admit I *loath* this particular brand?

Best I can do.


_____________________________



(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/22/2012 9:57:56 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Take away his phone. By the way if you're the boss in that house, then whose fault is it that his desk got to be such a pigsty?



Okay, I'll say it. I *loath* dynamics like this. It seems to be all about punishing people for who they are, and never about using the natural power a dom has over their s-type to improve, uplift, or anything else positive.

Yeah yeah yeah, we're supposed to respect other's dynamics. How about I respect their right to have whatever dynamic they chose, but admit I *loath* this particular brand?

Best I can do.



Run that by me again? I don't get what you are saying.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/22/2012 10:26:30 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub


quote:

ORIGINAL: MaxineANDjohnnie

Thanks for the responses which were positive. Of course he cleaned his desk. Not really a punishment though. I have a problem with overreacting when I get angry. I have decided to take away his desk, he doesn't really need it. We'll be moving it to the garage tomorrow evening.

Well, that should solve everything.






_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/22/2012 10:41:06 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

Geez, OP, if you can't figure it out for yourself then why are you the Dominant? Tell him to get his ass in there and clean off his desk, for crying out loud. Why do you let him get it that messy in the first place and then come to internet strangers for advice? See how this all falls back on YOU? I'm just helpful that way. Also, not everyone has a punishment dynamic and wants no part of it. If that's your kink, figure it out for yourself. Again, it's all coming back to YOU.

NBMG


I think maybe she came here for guidance because in the past she has over-reacted and has an apparent issue with anger management.

To the OP:
Maxine,
if you are a sadist then find an outlet for your sadism.
If you have an issue with anger management then perhaps you should find a kink aware therapist and work with him/her.

Your job is to teach your sub to be a better person and I don't think your way is necessarily working.

I think the "punishment" should be that you have johnnie make an appointment with an organisational specialist.
Help johnnie succeed in the area of organisation and then you won't be dealing with your mutual frustrations in that area.

Also: get a white board and write on it: it will save you from the "did I or didn't I... " doubts.
It is never fair to punish someone for something that you aren't clear on. If you aren't clear on it, how can you expect them to be.

Edit: clarity



< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 6/22/2012 11:24:37 AM >

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/22/2012 10:45:46 AM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline 		The OP puts me in mind of a gravedigger scratching his head in a cemetry..

In other words, someone who's lost the plot.

_____________________________

Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to MaxineANDjohnnie)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/22/2012 2:45:21 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Oh, well Jesus Fucking Louise on a bike !!

I am agreeing with you in my own unorthodox way.




_____________________________



(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/22/2012 4:00:52 PM   
Byste


Posts: 21
Joined: 6/1/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Take away his phone. By the way if you're the boss in that house, then whose fault is it that his desk got to be such a pigsty?



Okay, I'll say it. I *loath* dynamics like this. It seems to be all about punishing people for who they are, and never about using the natural power a dom has over their s-type to improve, uplift, or anything else positive.

Yeah yeah yeah, we're supposed to respect other's dynamics. How about I respect their right to have whatever dynamic they chose, but admit I *loath* this particular brand?

Best I can do.



I agree. I don't understand punishment dynamics either. Training and education are a much more positive way to get people to do things the way we want them done.

Byste

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/22/2012 5:21:49 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Well, I went and read the thread Lockit linked and I have to say, I sincerely hope that you get yourself in anger management classes before you have any children.

It sounds like you just enjoy giving johnnie harsh punishments.  Not only for a minor infraction he makes, but for your own forgetfulness.

If you know you "overreact" when you are angry, then you really have no business taking that out on him.  If you know that you sometimes forget conversations and that he really hasn't done anything wrong, but you punish him anyway then you are simply a self centered jerk who can't admit their own mistakes and will take it out on others for your own failures.

Positive reinforcement can work wonders.  The fact that you don't see taking the late fee out of his allowance as a punishment and feel the need to probably beat him to within an inch of his life again really says much about you.  Eventually, he will get tired of your nonsense and you will have no one to beat for your mistakes.  Probably a good thing.

(in reply to MaxineANDjohnnie)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/22/2012 5:25:19 PM   
kittycake


Posts: 42
Joined: 3/1/2012
Status: offline 		If it's a real punishment, as opposed to a fun oh-you-bad-boy type thing, it should be something designed to correct the error and help to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

I personally don't believe in sadistic punishments, and someone with your anger issues really ought to steer clear of anything physical while you are angry it sounds like.

If his forgetfulness is a problem, maybe have him start keeping a planner. All the due dates for everything; bills, instructions you've given him, etc, can be there. Have him keep it around all the time, and check it regularly. I would think the humiliation of you constantly wanting to check his planner to make sure he is getting things done would be incentive enough to start remembering; plus it will keep him more organized!

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. -- Robert Browning


His kitten

(in reply to Byste)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/22/2012 9:13:35 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaxineANDjohnnie

Thanks for the responses which were positive. Of course he cleaned his desk. Not really a punishment though. I have a problem with overreacting when I get angry. I have decided to take away his desk, he doesn't really need it. We'll be moving it to the garage tomorrow evening.


Dumbest thing you could have done.

He's using it, and it's messy. You say he doesn't need it, but he's USING it. He'll be far more likely to miss payments, etc. after you destroy his system of tracking things.

Maxine, see if you can find a local mentor. You're overreacting, losing self control, allowing things to bug you until you explode, etc. You're not ready to implement a punishment dynamic.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MaxineANDjohnnie)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/23/2012 4:19:56 AM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		I dunno about taking away the desk. At first glance it's a reasonable reaction. YOu throw your toys I take them away. Problem is, that as DS points out, he's USING the fucking thing. Let me show you my angle.

Cause : He's disorganized, sloppy, and/or lazy. This may not be true of everything about him. However, from what information you provided thusfar, it is certainly true of his organizational skills. So let's focus on those and not on the fact that he was late on a payment, as that was an indirect biproduct of his organizational skills.

Also, it would be important to point out that while you and so many others are rushing to jump on the punishment bandwagon, or worse, the "training" band wagon, you've ignored accepting your own responsibility on this issue. You are supposed to be the one in charge. That means if you delegate a task to someone, you do not just "up and forget" about it. It means you are assigning a task to someone else, but that responsibility still belongs to YOU. He may be paying the bills, but YOU are responsible for ensuring that it gets done. Period. You are supposed to lead by example. So lead.

Solution: Give him direction, not just on how to be more organized. Be aware of the little things. You want to be able to leave behind all the little details to him? Show him they matter to you. Don't get behind him and push, get in front and clear the path. This isn't about breaking some mental barrier like a fear of heights or spiders. This is about improving the way he conducts his financial affairs wich directly affects the both of you. He needs to know that you pay attention to these details and expect more of him.

There are a number of ways you can go about doing this, I won't blow sunshine up your ass and tell you my way is the way or any of that crap. Whatever way works for you is fine, the important thing is that you show him you are attentive to these things. Some of the things you might consider would be "patroling" his desk. If it's disorganized or things are out of place, call him in and make him organize it. Then he can go back to whatever it is he was doing before.

Keep track of all the due dates of your bills, and post them on a good old fashioned calendar he can hang in the office or keep at his desk. If you bring the calendar to him and lay out the way you want him to keep track of billing dates, as well as have him put reminders into his phone or pda then you are showing him; demonstrably so, that this matters. And if it matters to you, it matters to him. When you see him working hard at keeping things the way you have laid them out for him, then you reward him. If he starts to slack off then you can start thinking about punishments. Be first, be inspiration, lead.

< Message edited by Endivius -- 6/23/2012 4:24:28 AM >

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/23/2012 7:06:26 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		This reminds me of when my kid was young. Because she had problems, the principal announced she was going to take away her medication. In her mind, you could only have something if you didn't need it.

We had a discussion about a lawsuit after which this was dropped.

If he's chronically disorganized, how about he gets assessed for ADD/ADHD while you get help for your inappropriate anger. He sounds like a nice guy who deserves better than he's getting. I'm sure there are women he knows who would love to have a relationship with him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/23/2012 7:31:54 AM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		FR

Unless its work related my brain is like a sieve.

My son, who doesnt live here, had enough and bought me a calendar that hangs next to the desk.
He may not be my dom, but he double checks that i have actually written stuff on it and then reminds me to look at it every morning. He then checks ive actually done the stuff.
Yes its annoying, but i now pay bills on time and actually get to appointments.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/23/2012 7:35:20 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

I dunno about taking away the desk. At first glance it's a reasonable reaction. YOu throw your toys I take them away. Problem is, that as DS points out, he's USING the fucking thing. Let me show you my angle......

If he starts to slack off then you can start thinking about punishments. Be first, be inspiration, lead.


I trimmed your post just because it was long.  However, I think it is a very good suggestion.  Studies have shown that negative reinforcement rarely works to better behavior and only creates fear.  Maxine seems to want to get his submission through bullying and creating fear of what will happen, especially since she has an anger management problem.

I hope that she considers what you said.

(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/23/2012 8:59:37 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		I say you just duct tape the over due bill to his forhead for the weekend. He will remember it.

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/23/2012 9:18:19 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Studies have shown that negative reinforcement rarely works to better behavior and only creates fear. 

And resentment.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/24/2012 5:14:28 AM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaxineANDjohnnie

We thought we hadn't received a phone bill last month. We called the phone company (they have a fee for online payment?) and we asked for a new bill to be sent. Later I found the bill buried on my husbands desk. We may have to pay a late fee but that is OK since I will just take it out of his allowance. I am looking for suggestions for additional punishment. Thanks


It's an unusual question frankly.

I don't see how you can punish the phone company when it was clearly your husbands error.

(in reply to MaxineANDjohnnie)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/24/2012 6:32:26 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

my brain is like a sieve.


I rely on Outlook's calendar, tasks, and reminders.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/24/2012 12:21:36 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If he has a cellphone, set up reminders on it of when things are due, appointments, etc...I put everything on my phone and I have it set up to alarm me the day before and the hour before the event.

So as soon as a bill comes in, have him immediately put in as a reminder on his phone calendar.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Lost phone bill - 6/24/2012 3:13:41 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

my brain is like a sieve.


I rely on Outlook's calendar, tasks, and reminders.

We just switched to Outlook at work, from Novell Groupwise, and even though I know it is just different and I will get used to it, I am lost as hell trying to figure Outlook out right now.

Luckily, I have all summer to play with it, before actually having to keep upo with things when school starts back.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Lost phone bill Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109