RE: Emotionally broken (Full Version)

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Englishcrumpet -> RE: Emotionally broken (6/29/2012 3:15:09 PM)

Lockit said: Why after ten years, do I feel I have little worth? And... Is this something in me that I need some help with or a result of the relationship, partner or what has or has not happened?
 
this..

i think that after ten years with someone youre self esteem should be flying high, strong and secure, not on the floor in pieces.

but it takes stepping back and really looking at a thing to realise where the unhappyness and insecurity is coming from

i was with a guy for over twelve years, but it wasnt until i left him that i realised how much harm he had done to my self worth and how i had allowed him to break me down and make me feel worthless and ugly.  its a way of achieving control over us and making us feel we have nothing better to hope for. 

i wish you all the best




TranceAwake -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/1/2012 9:29:12 AM)

Sometimes, you just need more than a partner can give you. There is nothing wrong with that, or you for feeling that way.

Take a step back and really look - is this something you can live with? If it's making you feel dark inside, you need to figure out what will give you the light back.



bashfulbyte -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/3/2012 4:45:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

I feel gutted, and when I try and explain my feelings, I am met with hostility and threats of Him moving on from me. I can't seem to get my point across. I know if I smiled and agreed, I wouldn't be having this problem, but it hurts me sooo much. I am doubting myself for being such a fool, for giving myself to Him as I have, I'm questioning wether his training was becoming increasingly harsher and more severe because of this....I'm just so lost, I don't know what to do, what I'm expected to do. I don't trust easily, and feel that that has been obliterated too. Each time I've spoken with him he gets angry at me, and I cannot ring him because he will not answer my calls in his ex's company. I know I will not deal with it very well at all......but maybe this is the beginning of the end?



This article might be of interest to you. It is about emotional abuse.
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/emotional_abuse.shtml



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/3/2012 5:20:55 AM)

bashfulbyte - whilst comprehensive (and mostly correct) that essay is largely opinion with little to back it up, as are a lot of the links on that webpage. This is my field of work so I feel I would be remiss if I didn't offer some more impartial resources:

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1294

and the power and control wheel which explains ways in which abuse can be carried out:

http://www.ncdsv.org/images/PowerControlwheelNOSHADING.pdf

I'm not picking at you. I also think some people might not be inclined to take seriously advice from a site called 'heartless bitches'.



kalikshama -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/3/2012 6:11:18 AM)

quote:

I also think some people might not be inclined to take seriously advice from a site called 'heartless bitches'.


Absolutely. Thanks for the new links.



Greta75 -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/8/2012 10:45:04 PM)

wow, this is really tough..., you given 10 yrs to this man... and it's like that

The things that bothers me is that, he cannot talk to you when his in his x company.

When things are at this stage, and if you are his girlfriend, his x should know about you and it should all be open.

Even if he goes sees his kids, he should've included you.

I don't know..., all of us have different expectations or thresholds, but my own, these are basics that need to happen, if not, alarm bells starts ringing.

His sounding a lil emotional abusive to me. Something to think about. Will he change, will he care that all this hurts you?





.




conflicted -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 9:34:56 AM)

Thank you so much for the links and some great advice. He came back, saw me last night, told me everything was fine, I had nothing to worry about, He loves me.........oh and his EX is having a sleep over tonight, this has NEVER happened before. (and that info wasn't forthcoming, It only came out when I asked if I could come over and speak with him)

He also told me tonight in whispered tones that he would never let me go and he will always be my master and I was his property, and he would ring as soon as he had the chance and explain. Well, he had the chance to explain things last night and never mentioned anything.

I feel deflated at the moment amongst other things, but I know I must end it.



Killerangel -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 10:10:21 AM)

Thanks for the update, so many never come back to fill in whatever happened since the thread.

It sounds to me like you're making the right decision in letting him go. He's not being forthcoming with you since all of this began, and there are the new developments like the ex sleeping over. Even though he reassured you verbally, his actions aren't following suit. I think things with the ex are heating up and he's not being entirely honest with you. Saying he would ring 'when he had the chance' and explain, is pretty much a confirmation that the ex is continuing in the place of #1 priority. Him not letting you go till he works things out with the other is pretty much standard fare, so just in case things crash and burn with the ex- he's got you to come back to. It doesn't really seem as though you are being treated very well from the information given in this thread, and it certainly doesn't seem as though you are a priority to him.

Watch out, he may change things up to become more attentive when you try to end things so he can keep you on a string.



JanahX -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 10:23:49 AM)

Wow - I dont even know what to say, except that I hope you get through this okay. It must be terrible going through this. I hope you find your happiness.



Dresproperty -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 11:10:31 AM)

Im sorry you are going through having to make this decision OP. I hope whatever you decide brings you much happiness and serenity.



conflicted -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 11:14:34 AM)

I am absolutely crushed and can't stop crying..... I believe I have now become an option, the second one when things turn bad (and they will), and I do truly believe that I deserve more respect than that.

I know time heals all, and it will.

Thank you for your well wishes x



angelikaJ -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 11:41:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

I am absolutely crushed and can't stop crying..... I believe I have now become an option, the second one when things turn bad (and they will), and I do truly believe that I deserve more respect than that.

I know time heals all, and it will.

Thank you for your well wishes x


This may be helpful to you:
How to Survive the Loss of a Love



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 1:00:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

I am absolutely crushed and can't stop crying..... I believe I have now become an option, the second one when things turn bad (and they will), and I do truly believe that I deserve more respect than that.

I know time heals all, and it will.

Thank you for your well wishes x


Ouch. Sorry to hear about this. Sounds like your suspicions were right.

I think you should write down that sentence and stick it on the fridge or something, because chances are he will come crawling back and if you are feeling vulnerable it will be tempting.

Be strong, it will be worth it in the end.



kalikshama -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 4:16:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted



{{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}



chatterbox24 -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 5:12:47 PM)

That bastard, I would like to kick him in his tickle stick.



SlipSlidingAway -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 5:36:06 PM)

OP, do yourself a big favor.  Stop and commit how you are feeling right this very moment to memory, write it in a journal, do something with it so that when he tries to hold onto you (and he will, at least as a backup) you can very vividly remind yourself of WHY he is unhealthy for you.  Otherwise, you will likely be back here lamenting the same thing in the not too distant future.  While you long for what you had, it's different now, the dynamic is going to change.  You are never again going to be able to trust him the way that you used to.  It sucks, it's not fair, and it hurts like hell, but it's by his own hand.  You WILL be better off in the long run, even if it does not feel like it today. 



JstAnotherSub -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 7:04:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

I am absolutely crushed and can't stop crying..... I believe I have now become an option, the second one when things turn bad (and they will), and I do truly believe that I deserve more respect than that.

I know time heals all, and it will.

Thank you for your well wishes x

Hang in there. I don't know if it will help, but I will share the way I got through the ending of a 20 year marriage.

He left on March 2nd. Absolutely threw me for a loop, came as a shock and all that jazz.

I spent the first couple of days in shock, and crying. I had to hide it from my son, so it was mostly when he was at school and late at night.

On the 3rd or 4th day, I realized that, no matter what, life was gonna go on, but, I also realized that, at the age of 39 the man I had loved since I was 19 was gone, and that hurt like a mofo.

I picked April 1st as the end of my period or mourning. That gave me nearly a month to wallow in my misery, and man, did I wallow! By the end of the month, the pain had lessened, in fact it was being replaced by anger, as I spent time dissecting everything about the past 20 years.

On April 1st, I got up, called my old boss, at the job I had resigned from in January, because we were going to move 75 miles away to be closer to his family, and I asked her if there was any way I could come back. Luckily, she had not replaced me yet, she had been using temps, and I went back to work that week.

Not saying it was easy. I spent the first year expecting to fall apart again, the 2nd year feeling like I had to find someone else, or I would not survive, the 3rd year realizing that alone was not so bad after all, 4th year thinking shit I may never ever wanna have to answer to anyone again.

Didn't mean to type so much, but, I couldn't stop. Good luck, and hang in there, and just remember, time does heal almost anything.



OsideGirl -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/13/2012 7:13:35 PM)

OP: You have my sympathy and I wish you strength.



joeleyre -> RE: Emotionally broken (7/14/2012 5:38:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: conflicted

I am hoping someone can give me some good old fashioned advice.
I have been with Master for 10yrs, and everything seemed to be great, even to the point of Him saying to me 3 months ago that he is thinking of marrying me. All through our relationship He has been in contact with His ex (due to the kids), and has now left to go on a "family holiday" with them for 3 weeks. There wasn't much of a discussion with me about it, only he didn't want to hurt me.....
I feel gutted, and when I try and explain my feelings, I am met with hostility and threats of Him moving on from me. I can't seem to get my point across. I know if I smiled and agreed, I wouldn't be having this problem, but it hurts me sooo much. I am doubting myself for being such a fool, for giving myself to Him as I have, I'm questioning wether his training was becoming increasingly harsher and more severe because of this....I'm just so lost, I don't know what to do, what I'm expected to do. I don't trust easily, and feel that that has been obliterated too. Each time I've spoken with him he gets angry at me, and I cannot ring him because he will not answer my calls in his ex's company. I know I will not deal with it very well at all......but maybe this is the beginning of the end?




As shitty as this will make ma seem. and I know it will, I can tell you my point of view on what your "sub" is thinking. I pulled near exactly this stunt on my former (both) g/f and Domme, that is a regular poster on these forums..................

I moved to be with her....She lives in Kansas, and I wanted to go back and "visit" family and friends where I originally came from (5 states away, in Ohio).

I thought I was in a bad situation at the time (not trying to start an argument here), so I tried to find the easy way out as oppossed to telling her I wanted it to be over. I ended up coming back to her at one point, as well, but in my time back, somewhere along the line, I grew the nuts to tell her I was done.

To answer your question directly, yes, the "red flags" are usually a sign. If your "sub" happens to be anything like me, sorry to say this, the two of you are already over. You just don't want to believe it.



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