Help me understand!

Help me understand! (Full Version)

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Lasttime2 -> Help me understand! (6/7/2006 7:43:09 PM)
Why are so many dominants, nothing more than controlling, predatory and simply psychotic. What keeps, an intelligent, thoughtful woman, going back!. Is it lack of self-esteem? Help me understand! I want no part of that much insecurity in any woman!

Level -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 7:47:06 PM)
Control is part of D/s, whether the dominant doing so is good or bad. Predators and psychos see the kinky world, and women looking to give up control, as an opportunity for them to prey. These are less dominants than criminals and the insane. Women go back to what?

timeoutgurlie -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 7:47:39 PM)
Is your point that men are crazy or women are doormats? [&:] Edited to get rid of what the typo fairy left for me, and to be clear that I meant the original poster. There oughta be a way to disable that "in reply to [..]" feature. It makes me feel like I always should include "not replying to the member who's posted directly above me" [8\|]

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 7:48:27 PM)
Its not insecurity for me, its faith and courage that there Is a good Dom out there somewhere, and not to give up because there are some A**holes out there.

Lasttime2 -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 7:52:36 PM)
They go back to abusive masters! Why ????

MistressOfGa -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 7:53:31 PM)
quote: Why are so many dominants, nothing more than controlling, predatory and simply psychotic. Havent you heard? We all powerful and mighty. We can be anything we want to. quote: What keeps, an intelligent, thoughtful woman, going back!. Is it lack of self-esteem? Help me understand! Going back to what? quote: I want no part of that much insecurity in any woman! Freedom of choice, ain't it grand?

Level -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 7:54:18 PM)
Fear, weakness, desire....... that part is sad, too true.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 7:54:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lasttime2 They go back to abusive masters! Why ???? Oooooh, well, one person's abuse is another persons kink. I'm sorry you are hurting. I hope things look up for you soon.

mistoferin -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 7:56:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lasttime2 Why are so many dominants, nothing more than controlling, predatory and simply psychotic. What keeps, an intelligent, thoughtful woman, going back!. Is it lack of self-esteem? Help me understand! I want no part of that much insecurity in any woman! I don't know any Dominants that are controlling, predatory and simply psychotic....and I know a LOT of Dominants. None of those qualities are any that I would associate with Dominance though. Those are qualities that I would associate with someone who is controlling, predatory and simply psychotic....and most likely very insecure. The qualities that I do associate with Dominance are more along the lines of self assurance, even temperment, intelligence, thoughtfulness, fairness, self control, emotionally balanced, etc., etc.......all positive.

maybemaybenot -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 7:57:32 PM)
I suppose it's the same reasons that abused wives/partners go back to their abusers in the Vanilla world. I'm not being a smart ass. It's no different here, than there. mbmbn

desertdancer -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 8:03:00 PM)
I'm not quite sure exactly what your whinging about, are you wondering why some, Dom's are domineering? Or are you wondering why women are drawn to men YOU do not approve of? There is a difference between a dominant man and a domineering one. Many women want to be able to hand control over to someone they trust not to abuse the right of holding that control. As for why women return to men that can be domineering or abuseful, well that depends on the situation, maybe they feel that they can not make it on their own, maybe they feel he has some power of them ..who knows why people do what they do, each person has his/her own reasoning..and sometimes it's painful to be a friend or love one who has to watch. Yours, dancer

LiliesDoGrow -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 8:04:50 PM)
Last time? Your question seems really generic. As if all women go back to abusive "doms" and all doms are abusive, predatory, ect... Methinks that someone had a bad experience with someone. Sometimes people just don't know what they want and they go back to what is familiar. Or they feel alive when dwelling in trauma. I don't know. I don't like people hurting me.

Brosco -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 8:22:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lasttime2 Why are so many dominants, nothing more than controlling, predatory and simply psychotic. What keeps, an intelligent, thoughtful woman, going back!. Is it lack of self-esteem? Help me understand! I want no part of that much insecurity in any woman! I was with a sub who would do this and I also could never understand it until much later. A friend explained it to me as just a variation of the self harm scenario. After doing some research on the topic it certainly fitted - just that she wasn't using razor blades to inflict the self harm. Brosco

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 8:35:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lasttime2 Why are so many dominants, nothing more than controlling, predatory and simply psychotic. What keeps, an intelligent, thoughtful woman, going back!. Is it lack of self-esteem? Help me understand! I want no part of that much insecurity in any woman! IMO...if I am reading this right then I get the impression that you lost out to another Dominant who had been labeled controlling predatory and psychotic by a submissive you had interest in, and now cannot understand why you lost out to such a Dominant....answer....human nature...or possibly they had a history she found difficult to walk away from...he wasnt as bad as she painted him out to be...better the devil you know than the one you dont...he understood her better than you did.....ad infinitum.....I am sorry you experienced such if this is the case....be well...Tempting

Wulfchyld -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 8:45:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin I don't know any Dominants that are controlling, predatory and simply psychotic....and I know a LOT of Dominants. None of those qualities are any that I would associate with Dominance though. Those are qualities that I would associate with someone who is controlling, predatory and simply psychotic....and most likely very insecure. The qualities that I do associate with Dominance are more along the lines of self assurance, even temperment, intelligence, thoughtfulness, fairness, self control, emotionally balanced, etc., etc.......all positive. Damut mist, how did you get the password for your account? You know once I stalked and plundered you everything is mine. And now that I have made you sever all contact with everyone.... tell twice and her house hi for me. Furthermore, how did you get out of the well???? It puts the Joe Dirt in the hole, and the Joe Dirt stays in the hole! Don't even get me mentioning unmentionables on here that no one should mention to the WWW populace!!! Now... No soup for you! OP, it might serve you well to discuss this with the Dom in question. It sounds as if you are getting one side of this and making a rash sweeping statement. I am of course assuming that a woman has posed you with this situation and you are having a difficult time processing it.

PrivateLabel -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 9:09:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lasttime2 They go back to abusive masters! Why ???? If they are truly abusive then they are not a Master.

mistoferin -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 9:13:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld Damut mist, how did you get the password for your account? You know once I stalked and plundered you everything is mine. And now that I have made you sever all contact with everyone.... tell twice and her house hi for me. Furthermore, how did you get out of the well???? It puts the Joe Dirt in the hole, and the Joe Dirt stays in the hole! Don't even get me mentioning unmentionables on here that no one should mention to the WWW populace!!! Now... No soup for you! ROFLMAO.....with my secret coded backup password of course....I haven't had contact with anyone I swear....only nameless, faceless words on a screen......

Estring -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 9:29:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lasttime2 They go back to abusive masters! Why ???? I think it is a combination of low self esteem and the fact that they may think that is how a Dom is supposed to behave. And many will complain but still want the abuse.

Wulfchyld -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 9:31:58 PM)
Hmmmm..... I was wondering where I left my decoder ring. And Damut!!!! No contact with anyone and I mean it. encrypted msg I'll get my profile up in a day or two but feel free to drop me a line on Klashaan forums; I have a mailbox there that is dependable.

mistoferin -> RE: Help me understand! (6/7/2006 9:38:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld Hmmmm..... I was wondering where I left my decoder ring. And Damut!!!! No contact with anyone and I mean it. Ah yes, I found it. Anyway, you should be more careful...don't you know that rings can slip off easily if they're wet????? Stop putting your hands in the soup!!!

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