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Where does one begin? - 6/7/2006 8:50:07 PM   
kalimachild


Posts: 21
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Toledo
Status: offline 		I have spend several years playing with the idea, a few months researching information, and way too many hours agonizing over the decisions need, now I'm ready to try reality.  My question is how does one find a Dom or Switch who is interested in training a person?  I've already placed the ad on the site, but I've done personnals before and had very little success.  I want someone close to me who is willing to take me in hand, what else can I do to begin this journey of mind, body and soul?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/7/2006 9:05:37 PM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		I would try your local munch, also you can google your area for local bdsm play places, events and the like.  I would suggest a non play date, a relaxed setting for meeting people in your area

Good luck,
dancer

(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/7/2006 9:15:01 PM   
lisa1978


Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline 		Start with a local munch. Keep on researching and when at the munch, do not spend all of your time focusing on the dominants but try to make friends with other females and/or subs/slaves who can be there for you and maybe mentor you.




_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to desertdancer)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/7/2006 9:19:39 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		Are you open to female trainers or only male ones? In training would you seek to be trained as a sub or Dominant ( or both as you have stated you feel there are switch tendencies)
 
Toledo isnt far from here....

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to lisa1978)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/7/2006 9:19:40 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Start by not looking for someone!  Get out and meet people... just for the sake of learning more of who and what your about.  The lifestyle is diverse and unique for each of us.  Meeting as many as you can will open doors of self-awareness and understanding.  Personally, I wouldn't recommend you look for anyone until you have settled yourself nicely in a community that you can learn from and developed some lifestyle friendships.  Build a network of people to exchange thoughts and feelings with. 



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/7/2006 9:21:47 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Start by not looking for someone!  Get out and meet people... just for the sake of learning more of who and what your about.  The lifestyle is diverse and unique for each of us.  Meeting as many as you can will open doors of self-awareness and understanding.  Personally, I wouldn't recommend you look for anyone until you have settled yourself nicely in a community that you can learn from and developed some lifestyle friendships.  Build a network of people to exchange thoughts and feelings with. 




Thats what I'm thinking too, and if she needs someone to take her around and introduce her, she isnt far from Me... *grins* I know quite a few really good people in the lifestyle from the area and its never too early to start making friends and pick their brains for what they know

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/7/2006 9:22:44 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		These girls give good advice. I would just add, ask questions and don't let anyone pressure you into anything.
And the most important thing you can do (which too many ignore) is listen to your instincts when they tell you something isn't right. Good luck.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/7/2006 10:11:48 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

These girls give good advice. I would just add, ask questions and don't let anyone pressure you into anything.
And the most important thing you can do (which too many ignore) is listen to your instincts when they tell you something isn't right. Good luck.



Estring gave some excellent advice above.

I would simply add to this and so many other comments by saying be patient and do not settle for just any form of instruction. Honor you commitment to the reality of your desires by finding a reflection of that reality in another.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/8/2006 1:18:31 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		It's not fair, is it - you've waited so long, and just when you're ready to take the big leap forward, they all tell you to wait some more!

But you really do need to check things out and find the best person for you.  Don't forget, you're giving a huge gift of trust, wait to find the right person.

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/8/2006 2:10:43 AM   
keme


Posts: 163
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		All the posts above may be frustrating BUT the advice is solid. While it may seem like forever to wait it is best to wait. Oh and if you are just seeking knowledge asking a nearby submissive to join you on visits to Munches and meeting is also a good plan. You can learn a lot from a girl who has seen a bit. Not all trainers need be the ONE you seek... wow think of the pressure. I know I have a Mentor who just watched over me and made sure I stuck my nose out of the house while I took a break from the lifestyle... just meeting people for me has been a wonderful experience... and I have been reassured that it has taken quite a few slaves and submissives years to find what they sought... so I have faith...lol.

_____________________________

The path I choose is not for everyone... it is mine alone... and my responsibility to reach the end of it making as much positive influence as I am capable of and being as true to myself as I can be.
~keme

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/8/2006 2:40:10 AM   
fldrkhorse


Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I have my thoughts about D/s relationship on paper if you'd like to read. Email me at [email protected]

_____________________________

I'm not where I need to be, but I'm better than I was yesterday.

Namaste, I honor the divine in you

(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/8/2006 4:11:20 AM   
kalimachild


Posts: 21
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Toledo
Status: offline 		<<Are you open to female trainers or only male ones? In training would you seek to be trained as a sub or Dominant ( or both as you have stated you feel there are switch tendencies)
 
Toledo isnt far from here.... >>

I was looking for a male because this is all wrapped around my sexuality, but I would like someone who could show me around and introduce me to others.  You may not be far from Toledo, but I do drive which limits the distances I can travel.  I should change my profile so that it will allow others to see me that could just be a mentor or friend.  Thank you all for your advice.  I look forward to my journey.


(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/8/2006 6:26:23 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: keme

All the posts above may be frustrating BUT the advice is solid. While it may seem like forever to wait it is best to wait.



Hello A/all,

From my reading of the other posts on here, I dont really see anybody advising the original poster to wait.  What they were
recommending (and I agree with) is to find the local community,
log off, and go meet people.  Additionally, hook up with some
local submissives to find out the lifestyle.

The problem I have heard with posting "Hi, Im a newbie" ads, is that every HNG (Horny Net Geek) and CHUDWAH (Clueless Heterosexual Unenlightened Dominant Wannabe Ass Hole) within 1000 miles spams you with "ON YOUR KNEES, SLUT" emails as well as pictures of their genitalia.

I mean, if thats what you are after, go for it.

Just me, could be wrong

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to keme)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/8/2006 8:51:21 AM   
kalimachild


Posts: 21
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Toledo
Status: offline 		Sorry, I wrote my last post just before bed, and just now realized that I said do instead of do not when refering to driving.  That is what limits my travel, I have never had a license.  My dyslexia make it difficult, especially when I'm stressed and all forms of tests stress me out.

I want to thank you all for you comments and suggestions.  I'm currently ammending my profile to submissive females or males willing to introduce me to the scene and others so I may learn what is out there and how to avoid those who want to abuse instead of build.

(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/8/2006 8:55:28 AM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalimachild

I have spend several years playing with the idea, a few months researching information, and way too many hours agonizing over the decisions need, now I'm ready to try reality.  My question is how does one find a Dom or Switch who is interested in training a person?  I've already placed the ad on the site, but I've done personnals before and had very little success.  I want someone close to me who is willing to take me in hand, what else can I do to begin this journey of mind, body and soul?

Get involved in the community around you. Munches, clubs, etc. Start meeting people offline, in RL. Take the time to understand what YOU really want out of this, not what someone else is telling you you should want.
Personally, and this is only me, I would use the internet only for the reference areas, and use RL for everything else.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Where does one begin? - 6/8/2006 4:36:36 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		First things first... what, exactly, are you looking for in the lifestyle. If you're looking to find a mate, a partner or a lover to share the other side of your kink, you may not need any training at all, except for what your partner decides he or she wants you to have.

If you're looking for training in specifics, the best place to start looking is in your local BDSM community. Check for munches, which are a non-threatening way to get to meet people in the lifestyle. They're usually held at a local restaurant, in street clothing, and will give you a chance to meet people, talk to them, and get some direction to the people who can train you in the specific areas that you're interested in.

Not everyone who is in the lifestyle needs a trainer. First, get to know what there is available to you. Your local community (or near-to-local larger events, if you don't have a visible local community), will be the best starting place for going from theory to reality.

Da'Avatar ZWD

www.klashaan.org

_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to kalimachild)
Profile   Post #: 16
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