ChatteParfaitt
Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011 From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ghostriver Hello everyone, I could really use your insight on a question troubling me these days. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost half a year, but one painfully long plane ride after, I'm finally spending time with Master. Everything is going well so I guess I got lucky in this respect because.. long distance is a tricky thing. Personal opinion here only - as every statement I make which isn't a fact. My only issue here is that at home I was never exposed to people who identified themselves as dominants or submissives. And to tell the truth, I sense trouble, because I don't have a clue how to deal with other dominants. I know I'm horribly inexperienced here because aside from my Master I only met.. two? One of whom I just didn't like much, the other, though, has many qualities that inspire respect. And here is where my problem lies. I've always thought I was 'Master's slave' or submissive to him only, as opposed to 'a slave' or 'a submissive'. I was really sure of this and in some way it helped me to preserve my integrity. I'm finding out that I might have submissive and servile tendencies to dominants in general - the ones I like and respect. I have to deal with a change in my identity, in how I see myself and.. it's scary. And interesting. I am asking if something similar has happened to you. If you think submissive and servile tendencies in person are more common than just being submissive to one person - or the other way round - and why. And basically anything you can add. I'd love to hear about your experience or opinions with this change - really, is it a change, or do some people always know they have - for the lack of a better word - a submissive personality? What about Doms? I've already realized that for some of them the need to be in control of what's around them is really strong. Does it often extend to everyone or just submissive people, or is it one person only? I do realize the most rational way is to say that it's just different for everyone and it's true, of course, but having something else I can think about apart from repeating thoughts how it's.. overwhelming and scary and I feel like I'm betraying my Master by wanting to be submissive towards someone else (I have to mention here that I don't want to belong to someone else nor do I consider myself poly)... so yeah, your input would be very helpful. Oh, and I've been reading this forum daily for several months and I really like how you guys think and discuss... it's been a great source to learn from. Thank you. I know exactly where you are coming from ghostriver. I met the same crossroads over 30 years ago when I had to admit to myself that, although I am a dominant person in general, I have some very submissive tendencies, and they are not just in bed !! This was hard for me to accept. Like you, I felt having this sub side was somehow *betraying* my sense of myself as a strong, capable, independent female. And I struggled with it. Then I had kids (2) and was a full time mom. What can I say? I learned so much from them in terms of the positive aspects of my softer, more maternal side -- what you call that "servile" side, and I am quoting you again for a reason. Servile, to me, has a negative connotation. That tells me you still see your submissive side as negative. And why wouldn't you? Our society has given so little value or credibility to those softer feminine virtues, like enjoying pleasing and serving others that you respect and admire. But l learned first, that I *need* my sub side. It's what makes me a good human being. I am a much nicer and more well rounded person these days. So, this may be hard for you, but attempt to embrace your sub side. It's part of you, after all. It's fine to temper being strong and independent with being compassionate and kind. I hope this helps. Best, CP
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