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Hopeless... - 6/29/2012 9:30:36 PM   
Simcity7991


Posts: 16
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline 		I dont understand why I cant find anyone with genuine interest in me... I understand I'm young, but i'm intelligent, im mature, and im very willing to learn and compromise. And yet i get turned down, perhaps its just my looks...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Hopeless... - 6/29/2012 9:38:48 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I don't want to poison the well here, but I'm 49, and that's the story of my life. That whole 'lid for every pot' thing is nonsense.

Make friends. Be friendly. Smile at folks. Listen when they say things. Be interested in others, and don't focus on yourself. It works.

I never got that romantic love, but I am surrounded by people that love me. That's worth everything.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Simcity7991)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Hopeless... - 6/29/2012 9:49:59 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		This might be a bit of a paradox, but many people feel the way that you do. Take a Genuine interest in others and explore. I'm not saying everybody is going to return your interest, however you'll have upped the odds of it happening. Good Luck.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to Simcity7991)
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RE: Hopeless... - 6/29/2012 9:53:48 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		One other piece of advice, to which I am often guilty about. Is not talking about myself, my interests and desires often enough. I'm extremely social yet I tend to keep silent about many facets of myself. However, I've found more times than not, when I put myself out there. It gives other people topics, interests to talk about with you. (Just another idea for you try).

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to Simcity7991)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Hopeless... - 6/29/2012 9:56:25 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Ok, I'll help you out. I read your profile. Remove the part you say about loving older women. Older women look at that and they think he has a fetish for older women. They don't want to be seen as a fetish. They want to be seen as a person. So, take that out and just talk to women, despite their age. Also, you list Dominant women, sub women, switch women, trans. basically you're saying "I'm desperate. I'll take anyone". Again, women don't like desperation. You're also very intelligent it seems, very active and have many skills. It could possibly scare off some women who may feel a little intimidated by all that you are and that you do. I'm not saying you should change anything about that. Those are all a good thing imo. It just may take you some time to meet someone. Some people have been here for years upon years upon years and are still seeking.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Hopeless... - 6/29/2012 10:32:39 PM   
Simcity7991


Posts: 16
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for your advice, it is much appreciated

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 12:42:21 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I just read your profile and it looks like you've changed it. It's well written, gives me a picture of you beyond your kink and it's really rather good now!

I can only echo what others have said - get out there, mingle and don't be frightened to talk to people. If you are truly looking for the 'right' woman, then be prepared to put in the effort and practice patience.

I wish you luck!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Simcity7991)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 3:51:51 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		How many munches have you been to since your April thread? http://www.collarchat.com/m_4086676/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4086676

Why no action on a new picture?


_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to Simcity7991)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 5:17:49 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Don't lead with your worst photo, and how about smiling?

Also, you're very very young. An older woman is not likely to be into that (sorry). Furthermore, the type of relationship you are looking for is one that few if any women your age are ready or qualified to have.

Be patient, hang in there, and get to know local BDSM people off the computer.

< Message edited by Baroana -- 6/30/2012 5:20:02 AM >

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 6:13:17 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		OK, I'll have a go at it.

You been here 3 months. Yes, despite what other may say, your instincts are correct. You should have got some action by now. You have made changes to your profile so I can't tell what used to be wrong with it. But I can tell you that your profile does a good job conveying who you are, that you are studying at Princeton, a musician, you have positive impact on your community by working with students that have disabilities. You do a good job painting yourself as a real nice guy . . .

. . . unfortunately, nice guys finish last. Do you want to hook up or find a wife on your fist date?

Don't waste the readers' time filtering people out with all that stuff about pro dommes. Instead, tell us what a great time she will have with you as her submissive. Dump all the LTR focus and sell yourself as great date, a good sub, a fun person. Tell us why she should have you come over, what makes you a a valuable property compared to the other 80 million submissive males.

You profile currently paints you as great husband material for a vanilla site. This aint' a vanilla site and you are a submissive male. That is the single most common thing in the lifestyle. The only way you could be more stereotypical would be if there was a yamaka on your head in your profile pic.

So spend some time and take a better picture of yourself instead of that fucked up blurry mess with a piece of shit t-shirt on. Impress her dude. Best foot forward if you want to stand out of the crowd.

Yeah, sure, pat on the back and I'll tell you "the stuff you have up now is nice . . . atta' boy". But you asked for help, not for us to enable your continued failure. The advice others gave to get out and mingle was great advice. You're in jersey, big town, tons of leather lifestyle people to meet.

good luck, have fun

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Simcity7991)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 6:15:37 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		HEY!! I *like* his t-shirt! vintage Anthrax ("I'm da man!")!!!

ETA: although, I would probably lead with the suit pic. Sim, if ya want someone to fix it so it isn't tilted, feel free to send it to me and I'll see what magic I can do ;)

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 6/30/2012 6:16:52 AM >

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 6:22:28 AM   
dnsmr76


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/12/2012
Status: offline 		I'll just go out on a limb here and say I am an older woman who truly appreciates the enthusiasm and energy of much younger men (so 21 is okay). Also, I like it when young men express an appreciation for older women. For those of us who like younger men, that does not turn us away.

An important detail: you should include the apostrophe in the "I'm" in "I'm an intelligent." Also, your main photo does nothing for you. Look like a man who plays Chopin, and you will get more interest. Try softening your face, too, in the photos.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 6:25:08 AM   
Buzzzz


Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline 		It takes time( Even in the nilla life) to meet interesting and matching people(people you click with). Keep on doing what you are doing, and keep a positive attitude and the results should show up :)

_____________________________

_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._



(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 6:33:21 AM   
Soyokaze


Posts: 390
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know if this is the case, but I would advise against hinging all your hopes on finding someone through this site. Get out into the real world and meet people too (munches are by far the easiest/lowest pressure way to do this).

_____________________________

"When I was a little kid, I wish the first word I ever said was 'quote' so right before I died I could say 'end quote'" -Steven Wright

(in reply to dnsmr76)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 7:03:30 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Look, your profile is very good but you still have to deal with the large numbers of sub men compared to the relatively few Dominant women online. Also, the fact that meeting online is hard. Just go to a munch and meet people.

Also, regarding your Friends list, why did you add someone with a blank profile and a name like hornyslut? That won't make you any points with profile viewers.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Soyokaze)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 8:06:52 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Change your photos, most of them and please orient them all to vertical? (Your head at the top.)

It isn't just that you aren't smiling but you look angry or in pain or something... and not at all like a guy who is fun.
So, put away the 'mean' face and show your better side.

Have a friend take some pics of you, lots of them and there will be some that you like.

Despite what RS said (and he made good points), 3 months is not a long time for a submissive guy to be here and to have not had action; new threads are started frequently by guys in the same predicament.

Another suggestion: Breaking your profile into paragraphs; it will be easier to read and will help convey "intelligence" better.

If you have the ability to record, perhaps your piano playing could be used as an audio intro: something short of course.




_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Simcity7991)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 8:13:32 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

Do you want to hook up or find a wife on your fist date?


Snort! Freudian?

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 8:17:07 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

Do you want to hook up or find a wife on your fist date?


Snort! Freudian?



Dammit, JstA... I missed that first round... you owe me a new bottle of Mello Yello!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 9:04:41 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm going to repeat the question asked by kalikshama. Have you been going to the munches in your area as was recommended to you back when you asked about this in April?

While RS does make good points in his post, please realize one thing. Many women on this site are not searching your profile. We get enough interest due to the imbalance in ratio between males and females that we don't have to. While having a good profile is important, a lot of women won't see it unless you make the effort to get it out there. You can do that by generating interest by sending well written emails or by participation on the forums. The latter especially allows you to make some friends and have some fun.

Definitely an improvement in changing you "searching for" section. If you are interested in Dominant women, you are much more on track now and not sending a mixed signal.

Still recommending the primary picture change.

This might be a small detail, but I am curious about your interest list. Are the things that you say you "love" things you have experience in? If you are just a beginner or are interested in them, but never really done them, make that distinction. It's a confusing message or a sign that you are only listing your fantasies. Make your list more realistic to convey your experience level and those things that you haven't done yet, but would like to explore.





_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Hopeless... - 6/30/2012 9:16:13 AM   
CRYPTICLXVI


Posts: 3907
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

Do you want to hook up or find a wife on your fist date?


Snort! Freudian?


There is something wrong with fisting on initial meeting? Dammit, I knew I had been doing something wrong.

Laughing... I had to reread that twice to make certain I actually read it right and not what I thought it said.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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