RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive



Message

Char2688 -> RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (7/6/2012 12:34:35 PM)

People without some internal conflict are very boring and predictable



ReMakeYou -> RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (7/7/2012 7:38:55 AM)

Pirates is twenty.

Twenty year olds have a habit of taking everything people say at face value.

Look at the people who insist that any show of weakness is letting down womynhood in general. Note how often they themselves live up to the standards they expect everybody to stringently live up to.

You'll be happier when you learn to judge based on what people really do instead of what they say. And more so after that, when you learn that most of them are blowhards who don't need to be factored into your decisions.



evesgrden -> RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (7/7/2012 8:08:10 AM)

You have as much right to be submissive as any man does. You have every right to live a relationship that's not working for you, even if you choose to live that relationship "as if" you have no rights whatsoever. (see "the temporary suspension of disbelief")

Weakness: Not having the courage of your convictions.

Consider this scenario: you confide this to a girlfriend, who thinks your domly dude is the nicest guy and she's never seen you so happy. Her jaw drops as you tell her you're submissive, she thinks you're nuts, and you tell her that you've never had so much fun in a relationship, that he makes your heart pound like no one ever has, that having a boss doesn't mean you do all the work but there's a clear division of labor, he's just the one who decides and geeze, there is a HUGE difference between choosing to submit, and being a victim of oppression. In submission there is ALWAYS a choice, even in those relationships where it is agreed that no choice shall ever exist again, there is ALWAYs a choice. And so, while you're telling your friend this, some guy thoughtlessly walks by, jostles your arm, you spill your drink, and you say "Hey! Watch where you're going!!!Excuse me? HELLO. Yes you..you just spilled my drink and didn't stop to even apologize... get some manners!!!" (That's the tactful version.) Your submission at home is about you and your partner; a man to whom you have given certain permissions. It sure as hell doesn't mean that any other man on the planet has those rights.

If it was a vanilla relationship, you wouldn't bat an eye if your boyfriend put his arm around you and your friends knew that he did this... but some guy in line behind you at a store? The difference is only the types of permission given, and there are as many ways of doing this as there are people doing it.



warlock1935 -> RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (7/9/2012 6:29:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mari50xx

I just wonder what makes you think you're submissive?


Well, her profile would answer that question, for one thing. OP, I've had submissives who were activist feminists, but submitted to me with no problems; and I'm Master/slave, the total control type. Think of it this way; suppose you were bi or lesbian, and submitted to a Mistress. No conflict there, right? Works the same way with men; D/s is a personal relationship, not a political relationship.
On the other hand, I was married to a woman, a good woman, who was unable to get over that conflict. It wrecked our marriage; she was just unable to understand that I'm a man, not a defective woman. She kept thinking, as you said in your post, that "I feel that being female I should never show weakness against males, EVER! As if I'm letting womankind down because I'd rather serve a Master than, I don't know, something that will let all men know that women are equal." She had a submissive nature, but spent our entire marriage suppressing it.
The sad thing is that she's a really good person, and we get along fine now that we're not married. She just doesn't GET men. She was raised to think that men were oppressors, and that she should never give a man an inch or he'd walk all over her. Unfortunately, she still hasn't gotten over it, and in ten years she's had just a few relationships, none of which lasted more than about three months.
Look, men and women are equal in worth; they're not identical. Men and women evolved to perform different tasks, and that evolution optimized men and women's bodies, and minds, for different strengths and weaknesses. Men think completely differently in many ways from women; and we both have to work to understand - and respect - the other's way of thinking. As a Dom, I find women's way of thinking a fascinating study, the work of a lifetime. I will never again be in a relationship with a women who doesn't respect the way I think. The best submissives I know all feel the same way about the way men think - they respect it and try to understand it, not change it.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (7/9/2012 6:37:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Char2688

People without some internal conflict are very boring and predictable



Most especially at the age of 20. You are young, you are just getting to know and explore and experiment with who you are, so give yourself a major break (please).

Of course you have some major internal conflicts about being a submissive. Society, your family, all the nurture factors in play these days has (most likely) taught you that being submissive to men is wrong. So if you didn't have conflicts at this point in your life, you would not be being true to yourself and honest with yourself.

Major kudos for being 20 years old and knowing yourself well enough to have this type of personal crisis !!



Now, I am a very strong female, and I just so happen to have a very strong sub side that nicely balances my very strong dom side.

It took me YEARS to admit this, I was 25 before I did.

So you are doing great, you have gotten some great advice. Please, please trust yourself to come out of this internal conflict knowing yourself better and being even better than before.

Best, CP



Aileen1968 -> RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (7/9/2012 3:45:11 PM)

To me....being a feminist means being strong enough to do what you want and when you want to without a care in the world as to what someone may think.
If it's your nature to be submissive and it is a part of who you are then why would you want to squash that?
Go for it and enjoy the feelings to the fullest.
Personally, I think it takes a lot of strength and balls to submit to someone. It's an empowering feeling.



CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (7/9/2012 4:36:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PiratesAhoy

Let me explain the title to the best of my ability.

I feel that being female I should never show weakness against males, EVER! As if I'm letting womankind down because I'd rather serve a Master than I don't know, something that will let all men know that women are equal. It's as if the Feminist (the term I use incredibly loosely), and the submissive in me are having an all out brawl, and apparently my heart has no say in the matter.

I'm sure this has happened to other women (possibly even male subs in another light), so I wanted to see if anyone had any advice, or just a critical comment to make that side shut up.

Do you think (possibly) that I'm insecure with my submissiveness? Because that sounds like the most legit reason to me...but I can't evaluate myself very well. So help of any kind comment (even incredibly critical advice) is welcomed.

Thanks.


I had this same issue rise up over BDSM and from deciding to stay at home with my son and be a full time mother. Women's Lib was supposed to free us, but it's funny how others tried to bully me into being their clone instead of...realizing that I was free to decide for myself how I wanted to live my life. I didn't HAVE to be a stay at home mom; it was my own choice. I came from a long line of working mothers, so it's funny that I would break tradition, not out of any sense of rebellion but because this full time mother thing is ME. [;)] Relatives from all sides spat on me, metaphorically speaking, cuz they were too far away to do it for real or they WOULD HAVE. I was setting women's lib back thousands of years by not getting a career! (Funny how being a homemaker ceased being a career just because someone "liberated" me.)

When I had my epiphany about BDSM, friends said I was a sub. I was female. [;)] There were many people trying to rescue me online, telling me that love doesn't have to hurt, that women's lib rescued me from having to serve a man and that I need to get out of the lifestyle and grow as a human being...get a career and find someone to be his equal, etc. When I discovered I preferred the other side of the kneel, again I was unnatural to many, lol. Family and friends told me that it is a woman's place to submit to a man and make his life comfortable. I'm 48 and my MOTHER has lectured my slave boyfriend on "being the man" and to "not let my daughter's bossy ways chase you away". I have also been given a talking to on several occasions...she is in her seventies and I don't argue, just smile at her and say, "But mom...HE'S THE WIFE in this relationship, not ME." [:D]

Feminism was supposed to liberate women, not enslave them with a new set of rules. Decide for yourself where you fit into all of this. Get what you need. No matter what you do there will be others telling you how wrong you are, or that they don't like who you are with. [;)]

It might take a while to make peace with yourself and silence all the voices in your head. Submissives aren't the only ones...you should try adjusting to being a sadist, lol. Gawd I was so paranoid of becoming abusive, had to learn the difference between BDSM and abuse, and I had a hard time giving myself permission to be okay with who I am. The same thing goes for leadership. I had to give myself permission to go against what everyone expected of me...to be true to myself. This is YOUR life, not your mother's, not your daddy's, not your friends' nor your relatives'.

If your parents wanted you to become a doctor but you had a calling to be an astronaught...would you feel guilty and beat youself up for pursuing the life you need/want instead of the life they chose for you?

(I think that most of us feel guilty at one time or another for disappointing others...and following our own dream. Including my nephew, who is gay instead of straight like his daddy wanted/expected.)



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (7/9/2012 5:10:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
Feminism was supposed to liberate women, not enslave them with a new set of rules. Decide for yourself where you fit into all of this. Get what you need. No matter what you do there will be others telling you how wrong you are, or that they don't like who you are with. [;)]

QTF!



sexyred1 -> RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (7/9/2012 8:22:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PiratesAhoy

That idea makes all conflicting thoughts go back in order, so it does help. I'm just conflicted because although I have certain ideas (like gender equality) I really cannot say I'm a Feminist. At least not much of one. But my belief that genders should be treated equally are telling me that I'm awful because I'm giving a male power by being submissive...or something along those lines.

My thoughts are all confused at the moment. [:D]

But the idea you gave me does help, it actually makes a few things clearer. So thank you!


The idea of gender equality has nothing to do with being submissive to one person. I believe in equality for the sexes, am a very strong woman with strong opinions and no one would ever say I behaved submissively in daily life.

However, I am submissive with the right man. I don't think of feminism within my intimate relationships nor do I care what anyone else thinks of my personal life.



JeffBC -> RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (7/10/2012 10:09:17 AM)

quote:

Original: CynthiaWVirginia
When I had my epiphany about BDSM, friends said I was a sub. I was female. [;)] There were many people trying to rescue me online, telling me that love doesn't have to hurt, that women's lib rescued me from having to serve a man and that I need to get out of the lifestyle and grow as a human being...get a career and find someone to be his equal, etc.

LOL. This reminds me of a sign I saw entering into some [online] Gor place in SecondLife. The sign read, "Please do not try to free the slaves. They like it here."

quote:

Feminism was supposed to liberate women, not enslave them with a new set of rules. Decide for yourself where you fit into all of this. Get what you need. No matter what you do there will be others telling you how wrong you are, or that they don't like who you are with. [;)]

Oh man... YAY! Yes that! Sadly, one of the oldest stories in human history is how people work to free themselves from oppression only to turn into oppressors themselves.



Commandoman -> RE: I Feel That Because I'm A Submissive, That I've Done Something Wrong (7/10/2012 12:32:10 PM)

you sound similimar to my situation...even though I am male, I had a tough time coming to terms of being submissive, I tried the Dom role for years, but then finally realized once I got more into the bdsm lifestyle that there is nothing wrong with me being a sub. once you really realize this then nothing else should matter of what you call the feminist movement. you are being and doing who you feel you are inside. what other people think should not matter its your life live it the way you want to make yourself happy.



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
3.515625E-02