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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/8/2006 11:34:22 AM

SalemWiK

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Thanks for the comments.

I dunno though, the one thing that bothers me is finding people who share the same intrests as I, heck I was in a two-partner relationship for a long time and I had no problems with it - until it was over, but thats another story - the poly aspect is something I can take or leave and I can fully understand why some people are comfterable with it, I mean I am not either when it comes to - to put it bluntly - fucking to be fucking; I made so many sacrifices in my last relationship I just want to find someone I can explore with this time, be it a friend or a lover. Ah well, maybe I'll find someone, but it's proving difficult, especially when most of the women I take an intrest in think I'm just a sex-starved pig when I say I'm poly.

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/8/2006 11:36:57 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SalemWiK
Ah well, maybe I'll find someone, but it's proving difficult, especially when most of the women I take an intrest in think I'm just a sex-starved pig when I say I'm poly.

Yes, and?

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/8/2006 11:59:50 AM

SalemWiK

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Good point, its there problem not mine.

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/8/2006 1:15:00 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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All judgemental people suck!

Ok, No they dont. Some are scared, some are ignorant, some are confused, some need to feel safe by putting folks into little boxes, some are afraid of change, some want you to stay in the same tribe-mentality with them so they can feel safe, some need to insult you to feel better about themselves, some have only known judgment their whole lives, and some refuse to look at the very thing they are judging you for in their own lives and accept that part of themselves.

See the theme here?

Its about them...it has nothing to do with you....it their fear, their low self esteem, and their discomfort in the world, that they refuse to own. It has nothing to do with you.

If some one you know and love calls you sick, look them directly in the eyes and say " Wow I am so surprised you feel this way, especially since we know each other so well, maybe you can explain how you have come to this conclusion? I am open to hearing your thoughts and opinions"

A true friend will talk and explore with you and all the others will disapear....

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/8/2006 1:25:31 PM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SalemWiK
Good point, its there problem not mine.

It does get irritating sometimes. Believe me it isn't just a problem linked to your age... I still get that now.... I'm not a swinger, but so many assume poly=swinger. But you learn to shrug it off to a great extent..... eventualy.... mostly

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/8/2006 4:04:26 PM

LadiesBladewing

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Salem,

You need to spend less time listening to naysayers and more time listening to your own wants, needs and desires. Nothing you've mentioned makes you a horrible person unless you abuse people or hurt others in the process. As long as you're honest, forthright, and straightforward about what you're looking for, there isn't a problem.

That being said, that -doesn't- mean that everyone is going to agree with what you're doing. There are still going to be people who are going to express their judgements and paste their perceptions on you. The only way to get through that is to just let it roll off -- to be secure enough in yourself and your choices that what they say doesn't really impact you. For the people who want to know -why-, you can practice explaining your decisions in non-threatening language that will help to educate. For the people who don't -care- why, don't worry about them. They have their own reasons and their own problems, so just let it go.

Da'Avatar ZWD

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/8/2006 4:12:26 PM

Sab

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Use a nilla term - "F*ck off, eat s*it and die!" Those who judge are the ones who go into jobs such as a civil servent - they want to control the thoughts of others but are too chicken to admit it! Ignore them, pay your taxes and don't live in London!

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/8/2006 6:22:58 PM

Slipstreme

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quote:

Who on earth would tell you that you were sick for that?

Anyone who has it in their minds to tell people how they can and can't love because of some moralistic conviction other people may not share.

To the OP: This is the way I see it. You can either, care about what people think about you and your life, and be miserable. Or say screw it! Live your life, be yourself and love living. I personally, like option two.

From one Poly Sadomasochistic Dominant to another, good luck and have fun! Life is too short to care about what the "moral right" have to say anyway.

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/8/2006 6:31:55 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You can't control other people- so stop letting them control your feelings.

The only value that the words of other people have on you is the
value you allow their words to have.

And as TolerableCruelty said, its your house. You will eventually
find somebody who wants to live in your world.

Enjoy!

Sinergy

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/8/2006 6:34:39 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sab

Use a nilla term - "F*ck off, eat s*it and die!" Those who judge are the ones who go into jobs such as a civil servent - they want to control the thoughts of others but are too chicken to admit it! Ignore them, pay your taxes and don't live in London!

I believe the minority of voters in the United States elected a feeble brained idiot to the White House who likes to tell other people what to do.

From what I have been able to glean from his track record getting
his agenda put into law, he lost Sauron's ring.

Sinergy

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/9/2006 4:57:37 AM

Sab

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sab

Use a nilla term - "F*ck off, eat s*it and die!" Those who judge are the ones who go into jobs such as a civil servent - they want to control the thoughts of others but are too chicken to admit it! Ignore them, pay your taxes and don't live in London!

I believe the minority of voters in the United States elected a feeble brained idiot to the White House who likes to tell other people what to do.

From what I have been able to glean from his track record getting
his agenda put into law, he lost Sauron's ring.

Sinergy

Is he such an idiot? I thought he had at least one remaining cell - and I don't mean brain. The man is a dick! :D Sorry for the hi-jack. lol

< Message edited by Sab -- 6/9/2006 4:58:33 AM >

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/12/2006 3:55:04 AM

BeeQueen

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Joined: 9/29/2005
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does it matter what others think? if u find the right persons for a poly-relation it wont matter what others think couse u ll bee happy ...and those with u will bee happy.
i am poly, and i m happy. i had a boy, a girl and a slave. we where living together in a flat ....living our lifestyle for 3 years (till rl changes made our relation change) i stayed with the slave ..and kept occational boys for either loose relation or sexual relations. its great and i wouldnt want to change it. if the time comes that i feel like i want only one person in my life it will change again. point is...u are as sick as u feel...and about beeing sick...whats wrong about it? its a great feeling to know ur happy with the way u live
Beequeen

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/12/2006 4:37:49 AM

Lashra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

this actually belongs on the good news bad news thread.

The bad news is you are a sick fuck.
The good news is so is everyone else.

You are young and you will get over it.

Ron

Very true words and even if you weren't young, you'll get over it. Because after all, who are these other people to judge what you do in your own life as long as your not hurting anyone?

~Lashra

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RE: Does it really make me such a bad person? - 6/12/2006 5:34:09 AM

MHOO314

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First of all, what has been implied here but not stated clearly is there must be openess, honesty and communication---if you play the behind the back games, then you do have issues. The real poly relationships are OPEN and honest.

Secondly, why are you looking to others ( I can only assume are outside the life) for validation of who and what you are? A dominant is a dominant and doesn't look to others for approval--so if that is what you are--then be one.

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