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How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/6/2012 5:17:30 AM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		My husband and I met here on this site, and have been together for 3 years. We would like to meet other couples in general, but it would be really nice to meet some other D/s couples. By that I mean those who are in a committed, monagamous relationship or marriage. We are not interested in playing or otherwise engaging with others; it would just be nice to be with other like minded people, with whom we have a lot in common, including the nature of our relationship. Please do not suggest the local munch; that is not the venue for meeting couples, at least not where we live. Too many "wannabees", too many who are BDSM "curious"; and also, I dont mean to offend anyone, but there are definitely a lot of young people at the munches, as this is basically a college town.By that I mean people in their 20's. Sheesh, I dont think I can put an ad on Craig's list! What have others done?
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RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/6/2012 5:44:46 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Because we know each other, I know finding couples for you and your husband will be a bit difficult.  Not simply because of your age, but because of other reasons which I won't go into here, but you know what I mean.

Have you searched for couples on here that may share some of your interests to see if they would like to get together?  I don't do the "munch" thing as you know, but maybe just like there are munches designed for the younger folks, there are some for us older folks as well where you might find more common ground? 

Have you checked out the groups over on Fetlife to see what kinds of groups are over there that might fit in with what you are looking for?

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
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RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/6/2012 1:13:53 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I wish I could help, but in your OP, you already reject My method. Let's try door number two.

Over the years, I've met a lot of folks at private parties. It's just a matter of chatting it up with the right folks at the right time. There used to be a number of us here on this site who would get together for random stuff and I'm sure if the stars aligned, you could find that, too. These days, I'd probably check My location out on Fet for that purpose. Frankly, that's what I did this most recent time that I moved and it worked out wonderfully. Of course, the prior time that I moved, I had used CM (without even trying) for the same purpose.

It's not the greatest advice on the planet, but I hope it helps. Nice seeing you.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/6/2012 1:40:52 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking
What have others done?

a) MAsT
At least in the Sacramento and Seattle MAsT groups I found a fairly high number of couples I resonated with even across the SM divide. Each MAsT group is different though so your mileage probably will vary.

b) The local community
At least here in Victoria where we're more engaged with the community what I've found is a wide smattering of this and that. There's the folks who just want to go out on a weekend night and have a bit of naughty fun. There's the seriously dedicated fetishists. There's the tops & bottoms & lefts and rights. But among all that, there are also the long-term, committed couples who are doing an M/s dynamic that I recognize. Victoria is also a college town and yes, the younger crowd makes the old fogies grumble a bit but I still found (or was found by *laughs*) some compatible couples.



_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
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RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/6/2012 1:58:23 PM   
AVegasMaster


Posts: 119
Joined: 8/2/2010
Status: offline 		Perhaps this is too obvious- but have entered couples in your search criteria ?

(in reply to JeffBC)
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RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/6/2012 2:55:41 PM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		LayfayetteLady, I have not checked Fetlife; I dont mean to sound lame but I find that site difficult to navigate. But yes, LL and LP, Fetlife is a good idea, and made me think of someone I know in the kink community who I might also be able to contact. He plays a lot, etc but he is well known and may be able to assist. VegasMaster, I can take your suggestion also but ya know some people dont read carefully and I dont want to attract the swinging crowd. But Ill talk all your suggestions over with my husband and see what he thinks.

(in reply to AVegasMaster)
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RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/6/2012 3:00:51 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It will be ok.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/6/2012 11:13:19 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I used to always try to meet M/s couples that were like us but over the years I have given up. It just seems most people at parties and munches are either way too young, swingers, hedonists or just not people we have anything at all in common with. There just wasn't that click.

So I have simply come to accept that I'm just not really a people person.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/6/2012 11:19:28 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Where Daddy and I met other couples our age or around it was at the local munch. I don't know what else to say.

NBMG


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(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/7/2012 8:31:25 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I used to always try to meet M/s couples that were like us but over the years I have given up. It just seems most people at parties and munches are either way too young, swingers, hedonists or just not people we have anything at all in common with. There just wasn't that click.

So I have simply come to accept that I'm just not really a people person.


Really? I find this very odd. Frankly, if I were to find Myself back in your neck of the woods, I would most certainly hope to meet you and Kana.

You don't have to be a people person, dear. You just have to show up when Master tells you to. <wink>



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/8/2012 6:51:34 PM   
JollySadist


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/6/2011
Status: offline 		Heard about this issue from other couples before, haven't heard an easy answer. When I was in a monogamous relationship, I felt like there was a staggering number of poly acquaintances that I didn't identify well with.

My own response would be to take the relationships you want, leave the ones you don't. Assuming you have the patience for it :-)

The local kink community doesn't exist in isolation from the individuals that comprise it. There are probably other monogamous folks showing up a couple times to events in your area... Only to take the same road you took and decide to pursue other avenues. Show up, talk and be up front about who you are and what you want, and see who else gravitates into your circle.

Communities tend to segregate into their own niches over time. If older mono folks like yourself don't feel welcome and don't stick around, help make them feel welcome.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/8/2012 8:35:45 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I used to always try to meet M/s couples that were like us but over the years I have given up. It just seems most people at parties and munches are either way too young, swingers, hedonists or just not people we have anything at all in common with. There just wasn't that click.

So I have simply come to accept that I'm just not really a people person.


Really? I find this very odd. Frankly, if I were to find Myself back in your neck of the woods, I would most certainly hope to meet you and Kana.

You don't have to be a people person, dear. You just have to show up when Master tells you to. <wink>




Well when I lived in PA, almost all the bdsm couples were either Gorean or much much older than us and usually were just wanting us to join them in swinging.

When I moved here to Baltimore, everyone here is really really young...like 18 to 25. It's weird when you're in your 40's and you feel like their mom lol. I mean even at my church, almost the entire congregation is 18 to 30 and I feel awkward there.

As for others our age, there really don't seem to be any around here which I just find really strange.

Master made a point the other day that most people our age are just too busy with young children, their jobs, daily life of having children and being married, etc...whereas I am just the opposite. I married really young and had a child immediately after getting married so mine is all grown up now and I no longer have a husband and my life is completely free of what the 40somethings are doing now.

Both he and my church quipped that since I look 20 that I fit in perfectly with the young groups lol. No one would know I'm 40. hahaha

Like FirebirdSeeking said, if you put it on your profile that you are seeking couples for friendships, the only type who respond are those looking to swing or wanting you to be part of their poly life. So like her, I don't put it in my profile.




< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/8/2012 8:37:34 PM >

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RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/8/2012 8:54:05 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		Fetlife was a bit hard at first but I would give it a try. If I could learn how to use it then anyone can ;)

Every couple I know IRL I knew for years before we even found BDSM stuff on the internet, but I have met people through local groups thanks to fetlife. Trying to fine other D/s couples on your own will be very hard. Everyone I know is not open about it to just anyone. In fact even my outspoken friends are very tame when I have other vanilla friends over.

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(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/9/2012 10:17:11 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		local munches
conferences
workshops
clubs
parties

sometimes you have to travel, but even more so, you have to realize there isn't a ready made perfect social life out there... here in the Baltimore/DC area there are zillions of clubs, local munches, specialized groups, big and small.. you could go to three things every week and still not attend it all.. .

I have no clue where you live... but no matter what, its always good to do more than one thing.. AND also to attend more than one meeting of whatever you go to.. one time is never enough to make any friends OR to tell the true nature of the group -- different people come to different meetings ...

there are always people out there; if you live in a place with very few resources, you may have to compromise a bit a find some different points in common with other couples... funnily enough, once I let go of the age thing.. a whole new world of lovely people opened up to me... I definitely like some friends my own age... but my circle is a lot more open and large these days by getting beyond that...

you are NEVER going to find someone exactly like you...

how did you make friends before you were a 'couple'?

as others have said.. fetlife.. its a lot better for actually hooking up with real live people and events in your area -- just search your area, or nearby ones in the groups and you'll likely find something...

as with all relationships -- you'll have to put in work -- that means effort to show up, be friendly, and open... among other things

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
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RE: How does one meet other D/s couples? - 7/9/2012 3:47:50 PM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		I appreciate all the thoughts posted here. I did put up a question on Fetlife, and got a number of warm responses, telling us about local events and gatherings. How did I make friends when I was single? that was challenging too, as I because single abruptly at age 50 after 25 years of a first marriage; I joined singles groups, etc, the usual vanilla stuff, but that was not easy either! I dont really care if my friends are vanilla - they all are - but the few friends I have who are married are not a good match for socializing as a couple. And then, there was the meeting with the relatives...which I posted about...made us think that having some lifestyle friends would be kind of a good thing. So here we are.

(in reply to Madame4a)
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