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First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 10:35:37 AM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
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I have been invited to my first play party. I was very excited about it until... I found out that I would be expected to flog an unattached sub. To start with I am not comfortable with flogging someone I just met and know nothing about. Add to that the expectation that it will be done in front of everyone and I am feeling nervous.

I personally would rather attend as an observer for a couple of times, get to know the people, and take it from there.

Would it be terribly rude of me to explain this and decline the offer to flog someone? I'd still like to go and possibly become part of the group. I simply don't want my first time to be flogging a stranger in front of strangers.

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Post #: 1

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 10:41:21 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I SO hated being Utility Dom!! One of the things of being a femdom is that you ARE part of the performance a lot of the time, and even if you are like me and have that kind of personality it gets tiresome.

Yes, you should absolutely speak up and say that you will play at your own convenience. If it turns out that you want to play with the person they've lined up for you, great! Otherwise, relax and have a good time without the pressure.

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Post #: 2

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 10:54:42 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
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I agree with LadyHibiscus. Who is telling you that you are expected to entertain a single submissive?
I recently attended a play party and was greeted at the door by the organizer who told me excitedly, 'thank goodness you are here, we need a Domme with so many single subs in the house'. 'That is a shame' I replied, 'because I never play on command or when I'm under pressure to do so'.
You may feel like playing as the night gets going and you may well not. Its up to you, not someone else.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 3

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 11:07:42 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Those that would invite me to a play party would never... I mean never... ask me to take part in the play as a requirement of joining in. One, because they don't know my skills and would want that tested privately and two... because they wouldn't expect that of me in respect for my own experience in attending my first play experience. I am so very glad that I know the people I know that would include me in a heartbeat if I were interested and I have an open invitation anytime I want to attend or take part. However they would never approach me like this. Invite me... let me go where I wanted to go and do what I wanted, but never would they put a condition on it like these people have or seem to have done.

I would have a talk with them in case I misunderstood something and if I didn't misunderstand I would wonder if they did this with anyone or everyone and why they would. Do they know your skills? Do they know your interest? Do they really want you there or are they thinking of your performance making things better for them and are not seeing what they are actually asking for being out of line. I think it is out of line, but what the hell do I know of such things. Personally... I wouldn't want any part of that kind of action.

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RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 11:12:32 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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When I say "performance" I mean it in the sense that all public play is a performance, and there will be voyeurs watching you. It's part of the deal with play parties, and not everyone is on board with that.

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Post #: 5

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 11:16:09 AM

Lockit

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

When I say "performance" I mean it in the sense that all public play is a performance, and there will be voyeurs watching you. It's part of the deal with play parties, and not everyone is on board with that.

Understood. I still think it out of line to ask someone, a first timer... to take part, for various reasons. If they want to and join in... and they think that its okay... all good, but to ask a first timer to take part... sounds off to me. Maybe it is a complement in them thinking she would do well... however... I do what I want and no one tells me who I am going to do it with. Hell, I might love flogging the guy... but it would be when and where and how I wanted it done, not how it was expected to be done by invitation. lol

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Post #: 6

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 11:17:44 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I prefer to negotiate my own scenes, yeah! I did enough sympathy play when I had the club and when I was helping with other people's events!

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Post #: 7

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 11:18:27 AM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

Actually I think that is rather rude of the host to expect you to perform like that being your first play party. Definitely speak up and say you are not comfortable with that. If you simply want to watch the first go around, just say so.

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Post #: 8

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 11:33:30 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

This:

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

Actually I think that is rather rude of the host to expect you to perform like that being your first play party. Definitely speak up and say you are not comfortable with that. If you simply want to watch the first go around, just say so.

When I first started out, I use to be one of the few fem doms at the play party. And I used to feel I *had* to try and session with all the male subs, b/c otherwise they would feel left out !!

What can I say, I was young.

To even suggest you have to play at a play party you are new to is poor etiquette to me as well. Now as for those who show up and never, ever, play, some hosts have issues with that, others don't.

I will say I have learned more about BDSM technique observing at play parties than in all other venues combined. There are some great public players out there !!

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Post #: 9

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 11:36:38 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

(You're welcome! LOL!

)

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Post #: 10

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 11:44:12 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

You should come to one of the Savannah parties.

I have yet to play at any of them, and there has been no expectation that I do so.

I have been made more than welcome at them all, and invited back without fail.

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Post #: 11

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 12:31:44 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

Actually I think that is rather rude of the host to expect you to perform like that being your first play party. Definitely speak up and say you are not comfortable with that.

This.

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Post #: 12

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 12:38:26 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Delilya

I have been invited to my first play party. I was very excited about it until... I found out that I would be expected to flog an unattached sub. To start with I am not comfortable with flogging someone I just met and know nothing about. Add to that the expectation that it will be done in front of everyone and I am feeling nervous.

I'm amazed that you've been told that you had to flog an unattached sub. Not only does that put undue pressure on you, but it fails to consider the sub's safety. Since it's your first time attending a play party, I have to assume that no one there knows if you have any experience flogging someone.

IMO, the person who invited you should have at least determined what your experience level is before volunteering you to flog people. What if an unattached sub wants knife play, or fire play. Do they simply ask unproven strangers to do that too?

(in reply to Delilya)

Post #: 13

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 1:04:11 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

You should come to one of the Savannah parties.

I have yet to play at any of them, and there has been no expectation that I do so.

I have been made more than welcome at them all, and invited back without fail.

Unless I'm mistaken, she is in Savannah, Hon.

To the OP, is this party associated with KIS in some way? If it is, do you need some help in this area? It would only take Me a minute or so to send a message or two.

As to the basic question, excuse My language, but fuck that noise! Why are you, as a top, beholden to play with somebody any more than a bottom would be? Heck, just about three weeks ago, somebody tried to pull that shit on Me about who I *had* to use as a demo bottom and she didn't like the response that she got AT ALL! (Now GT knows why I started that thread on My Fet group.) My other half just laughed as he overheard the phone call saying, "good luck telling her what she *has* to do".

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 14

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 1:11:32 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

mail LAdyP. and I am off to bed, with the hope that I will beable to sleep through the F18s better than I could the isolated t-storms!!

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 15

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 1:15:32 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Got it. Will return accordingly. Sleep now, answer later.

Hugs!

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 16

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 5:23:40 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I SO hated being Utility Dom!! One of the things of being a femdom is that you ARE part of the performance a lot of the time, and even if you are like me and have that kind of personality it gets tiresome.

Yes, you should absolutely speak up and say that you will play at your own convenience. If it turns out that you want to play with the person they've lined up for you, great! Otherwise, relax and have a good time without the pressure.

(I feel the same way being the performance sub male....I get it).

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 17

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 7:59:25 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

Actually I think that is rather rude of the host to expect you to perform like that being your first play party.

I so agree with that! I think it would be a better idea to just observe until YOU feel ready to play. When she does feel comfortable playing, a female Top should have no problem finding someone to play with. I know pretty much all the regulars who go to the parties I do and, even though I have no sub of my own, I have no shortage of play partners.

NBMG

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Post #: 18

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 8:15:44 PM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

Thank you all for your input. I am going to make a call tomorrow and talk to her about it. I thought perhaps it was just expected. I wouldn't mind joining in at a later date, but don't want to start that way. Appreciate the thoughts.

Oh, forgot to say, I came recommended to her by someone whose been in the lifestyle here for years.

< Message edited by Delilya -- 7/6/2012 8:17:56 PM >

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“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

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Post #: 19

RE: First Play Party Question - 7/6/2012 10:24:58 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

I mean its great your invite came from a recommendation and all, but still, making demands of guests is just flat out rude. Personally, I am very private about my kink life and don't do play parties or munches, but if someone invited me and told me it was required I participate? I would thank them for the invitation and politely pass. If they asked why, I would explain clearly why.

To me, regardless of kink or vanilla, making a demand of any guest (other than perhaps bringing a dish) is just rude.

(in reply to Delilya)

Post #: 20

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