RE: First Time Meetings

RE: First Time Meetings (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/7/2012 8:34:00 PM)
It is absurd but based upon what I see in real life, it must simply be a fraction of the online population. No shortage of people hooking up at the local pubs(per local gossip), or the gym I frequent.

littlewonder -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/7/2012 8:49:43 PM)
Yes I agree you see it at bars and clubs frequently but my experience is that even only happens when everyone's had a few drinks in them and they let go of their inhibitions and paranoia. Even offline I've met lots of men and women who had the same fears. As for my gym, no one interacts. Everyone has their headsets on and working out.

NuevaVida -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/7/2012 9:59:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kaliko FR OP, I don't think you're wrong. I always ask for a picture ahead of time. (I can't remember ever having a problem with that.) And yes...I'm checking to see if I think he's fuckable. So sue me. This. I've always asked for a pic. Always got one. If someone didn't want to send a pic, I'd wonder why. But everyone has their preferences. I don't think either is right or wrong here and I'm not understanding all the hubbub about the request to have a pic. I asked the Mister for a pic and he sent me 2. I sent him one back, then a week or so later, another. But by the time we met in person, we had already been talking on the phone & online for about 2 months, and knew we were meeting with the intention of creating a relationship together. At the time we lived 2 1/2 hours apart and met for dinner in the middle. We had calamari, oysters and beer, and then took a walk down the harbor. I joked if this was the part where he'd throw me into the Bay. He said no, he never does that on a first date and I said well thank God because I just spent 2 hours on my hair and that would be a total waste. [8D] I considered myself careful but not paranoid.

sexyred1 -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/7/2012 10:34:50 PM)
I would never meet anyone without seeing a photo. Why? Because that is my preference. Why should I go on a totally blind date when we have the wonderfully easy ability to send a photo? What really cracks me up is when men write to me and say how they love my photos but when I ask to see one of them, they balk and whine about how shallow I am.

HisPet21 -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/8/2012 6:30:25 AM)
quote: I, for one, avoid women who think men are walking time bombs waiting to rape at the first opportunity. If I had a penis, I'd feel the same exact way. Who wants to meet someone with enough baggage to automatically assume you're a rapist, by virtue of being male? And then, who the hell wants to put in all the effort to prove, "Hey, for real, I am not a rapist?" How do you even prove some thing like that? Sounds like a lot of work, for no real payout.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/8/2012 6:49:47 AM)
Using FR: I don't ask for pics, how someone looks in a pic and how they look in real life can differ dramatically, even if the pic is not 20 years old. Some people are highly photogenic (I am one), some are not. So pics don't do much for me. I want to see their eyes, how they smile, how they walk, etc. That's what floats my boat. As for women who automatically think all men are potential rapists, that spells lots of bad baggage to me. Most of us have been raped at some point or another, most of us have been in the wrong place at the wrong time and felt very very afraid, most of us have had to modify what we do to keep ourselves safe (no dark parking garages at night for me). Unfortunately, it's part of being female. But to paint all men with a potential rapist brush is very wrong to me. It tells me that person has past issues to address before even thinking of being in a relationship with a man (JMO folks).

LaTigresse -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/8/2012 6:58:08 AM)
Indeed. It's never even in my concious mind until something sends my spidey senses tingling. And that can, and has, happened anywhere. In my 50 years, I've experienced some of the most non threatening behaviour from some of the most evilly and criminally fucked up, murdering men this country has experienced. Times when I should have been scared, but actually felt quite safe.

DesFIP -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/8/2012 7:14:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: but I also took care not to go with them to their car or my car. Exactly! That's my point. INSIDE a Starbucks? Just not gonna happen imo. Which I agree with. I sincerely doubt anyone, anywhere has ever been abducted from inside a Starbucks. And we all said that about him needing a picture to feel safe. That it won't tell you anything. However, then the conversation moved to stalkers and why you might not want that guy you met in Starbucks to know who you are and where you live. With the present technology, a picture of you can allow someone to find out where you live. Students at Carnegie Mellon developed this technology a few years ago. Privacy issues have prevented it from being for sale yet, but I'm sure this is coming. Personally I don't want someone I couldn't wait to get away from to have my picture, search for it and find my facebook page. I live in a small town, if someone had my picture they would just have to hang out at the grocery store for a week or two in order to find me and follow me. And there are a lot of crazy people out there.

littlewonder -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/8/2012 8:27:50 PM)
Yup, lots of crazy people out there but even more harmless people out there. I just would not want to live my life in paranoia, always having to look over my back or thinking some person is going to follow me or rape me. The majority of the population are just like anyone else...just looking for someone to connect with.

ClassIsInSession -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/8/2012 8:50:11 PM)
I know for a fact though that when tj444 talks all of this rape stuff, there is 100% certainty I wouldn't ever meet her (not to presume you'd ever want to tj). God help me if she actually did even initiate sex, then decide later she regretted it and started yelling rape. Once the accusation is there, the verdict doesn't even matter.

Greta75 -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/8/2012 10:06:17 PM)
I personally refuse to send photos too, and have had doms refused to continue conversation with me without photo. They throw tantrums, ask for video cam conversations, whatever.... This is BDSM, blackmail is a BIG part of it, and lots of psychos out there. I would never send any personal property of mine such as a photo to a stranger. I'd prefer to just meet em in a public place first, and see how it goes. By then, there shouldn't be any excuse of needing my photo. My near rape experience was definitely from a man out of collarme, and who spent a year earning my trust, chatting me up slowly. The real ones are often the nicest. Just bad luck to get targeted, and my spidey sense did not activate.

Kana -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/8/2012 10:42:06 PM)
See, the bottom line is that no matter what, no matter who a gal (or a guy-don't forget that the dom is opening himself up to. Ever hear of the badger game?) is dating, at some point she has to make a leap of faith and trust herself alone with him. Might be a car, might be his house, might just be walking down a dark alley, but it's gonna happen. Now, she may feel safer because he's a friend, co-worker, relative, whatever, but that doesn't make that feeling true-the National Center for Victims of Crime reports that 77% of rapes are made by "non-strangers. (Which, in a twisted way, actually means that statistically speaking a gal is much much safer meeting a stranger than a prior acquaintance.) So no matter what, no matter how well she may think she knows the guy, no matter how safe she thinks she is, she's gonna hafta open up her guard and take that chance. The things she has on her side are her wits, her intelligence, her intuition and her good judgement. JMHO and all...

ClassIsInSession -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/9/2012 12:11:42 AM)
quote: This is BDSM, blackmail is a BIG part of it, and lots of psychos out there. A BIG part of it? REALLY? Jesus Christ where do some of you ladies meet these guys? Who the heck are YOU talking to? I'm starting to wonder if the real problem is a bunch of paranoid schizophrenic women on CM. I'm aware there are some fruit cakes on here. There was one guy I talked to that I'm pretty sure was on the verge of being a serial killer, and between the message where I talked him on the risk versus reward point and the fantasy is usually way better than reality points, and then promptly reported him I did what I could to get the guy off of here. But that's one guy in 4+ years I've been around here. And there is certainly no shortage of middle aged obese women posing behind young thin women profiles on here either. I'm not saying middle aged obese women aren't worth the time to get to know, but if they pathologically lie, the lying is enough to make me never take another moment. There have been at least 2 confirmed women that managed to waste a great deal of my time playing that game, and then fessing up when their hearts got involved and they realized they just guaranteed themselves a heart break. I guess my question is, if you've all had such horrible experiences with men on CM, why the heck are you still here? The definition of insanity is...doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result right?

Greta75 -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/9/2012 12:22:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession quote: This is BDSM, blackmail is a BIG part of it, and lots of psychos out there. A BIG part of it? REALLY? Jesus Christ where do some of you ladies meet these guys? Who the heck are YOU talking to? I guess my question is, if you've all had such horrible experiences with men on CM, why the heck are you still here? The definition of insanity is...doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result right? Still here because this is still one of the rare places for a 0.1% chance to meet a bdsm dominant male mate. In Singapore, we do not have munches, or bdsm clubs, and the only tiny group that gathers once every in a while that exists is only filled with submissive trannies and their gay counterparts doms. Just need to exercise extreme caution. Tried vanilla men and teaching them to be doms. Bad experience there too. Vanilla guy looks at you in disgust and think you need therapy, because you wanna play master and slave and want them to whip you.

littlewonder -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/9/2012 12:36:05 AM)
In over 12 years time of meeting men from online, I have yet to meet one that was psycho or a rapist or a serial killer. Yeah, I met some creepy, weird guys but I met those types at the bars too. Like I said, majority of people in the world are harmless....weird yes, rapists? No. <shuts up so she doesn't get another gold letter [8D]>

GreedyTop -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/9/2012 12:38:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder In over 12 years time of meeting men from online, I have yet to meet one that was psycho or a rapist or a serial killer. Yeah, I met some creepy, weird guys but I met those types at the bars too. Like I said, majority of people in the world are harmless....weird yes, rapists? No. <shuts up so she doesn't get another gold letter [8D]> This.

Greta75 -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/9/2012 12:46:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder In over 12 years time of meeting men from online, I have yet to meet one that was psycho or a rapist or a serial killer. Yeah, I met some creepy, weird guys but I met those types at the bars too. Like I said, majority of people in the world are harmless....weird yes, rapists? No. <shuts up so she doesn't get another gold letter [8D]> I've met alot of vanilla men online since I was 15 and had sexual relations with them in the past. But I never encounter a real rapist until collarme. I only discovered collarme 3 years ago. All the other years was trying to change a vanilla man into a non-vanilla one, which really, doesn't work. Perhaps the more experience ones can have better spidey senses not to even go further with highly suspicious ones, so they don't experience anything scary.

ARIES83 -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/9/2012 12:59:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 I personally refuse to send photos too, and have had doms refused to continue conversation with me without photo. They throw tantrums, ask for video cam conversations, whatever.... This is BDSM, blackmail is a BIG part of it, and lots of psychos out there. I would never send any personal property of mine such as a photo to a stranger. I'd prefer to just meet em in a public place first, and see how it goes. By then, there shouldn't be any excuse of needing my photo. My near rape experience was definitely from a man out of collarme, and who spent a year earning my trust, chatting me up slowly. The real ones are often the nicest. Just bad luck to get targeted, and my spidey sense did not activate. What is wrong with a cam conversation? It would let both parties get a sense of if there could be a connection or not and for all the paranoid women, I would have thought this would be a safe first step? What world are you in that blackmail is a big part of BDSM? If you are afraid of having a photo of you or a cam recording used against you, wear a masquerade mask or big Elton John sunglasses. I wouldn't pursue a relationship with someone unless I had an idea what they looked like... Why waste both our time, it's not shallow, I have relationships with people im attracted to. Its normal and healthy... For all the people who say you are weeding out all the shallow people, I telling you now, you're also weeding out a lot of great people, all because of paranoia? Im just as paranoid of all you internet people! your all horny highschoolers and obese people until I see different. -ARIES

Greta75 -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/9/2012 1:51:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 What world are you in that blackmail is a big part of BDSM? If you are afraid of having a photo of you or a cam recording used against you, wear a masquerade mask or big Elton John sunglasses. Hehe, I know just the perfect mask! http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Lifestyle/Story/STIStory_819785.html I never thought of disguising myself in cam talks. I think wearing a mask may freak the other party out too ha. Perhaps I shall try just to see reactions. They will surely be disappointed when they see me with a mask.

ARIES83 -> RE: First Time Meetings (7/9/2012 3:17:41 AM)
Haha, was just an idea. I don't really see collar me as to diffrent then any other dating site, but I suppose people may say or do things on here that would be very embarrassing if someone was inclined to use it against them. I personally haven't had any experiences with blackmail and my kinkiness, but then again, I am prolly very boring compared to some. Have you had blackmail experiences before? I wouldn't be disappointed with a masquerade mask, thats the kind of thing they were invented for. -ARIES

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