Something unexpected

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strob -> Something unexpected (6/8/2006 8:24:36 AM)
The strangest thing happened to me...lately, I've been in a relationship with a certain domme lady that I met by accident. So, we took it slow at the beggining and we managed to reach a very open and transparent level in our relationship. It was good, very good...maybe still is, I am not sure. Anyway, few days ago she asked me something weird; she said "I thought that by now you'd stop be interested in me, that you'd get bored." I didn't know what to answer her as I never have been in such situation before. She is smart, she's good looking and she is a domme that really enjoys being one. I just don't get it...what kind of subs she had experience before with? And I am quite sure I didn't do anything wrong so she'd think I am bored with her presence or our relationship. Can anyone help me?

Lashra -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 8:28:36 AM)
Maybe she was with a sub who wanted a made to order Domme instead of the real thing. He may have had things he wanted done to him that she just didn't want to do or didnt feel the need to do and he called her boring for that. Sounds like a bit of insecurity to me. As long as things are good for you two, just reassure her and perhaps do something for her to make her feel special, moreso then you normally do. We all need a bit of reassurance sometimes. ~Lashra

strob -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 8:32:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra Maybe she was with a sub who wanted a made to order Domme instead of the real thing. He may have had things he wanted done to him that she just didn't want to do or didnt feel the need to do and he called her boring for that. Sounds like a bit of insecurity to me. As long as things are good for you two, just reassure her and perhaps do something for her to make her feel special, moreso then you normally do. We all need a bit of reassurance sometimes. ~Lashra I suppose she might had been with one sub like that, but as per what she told me, she had more then a few...it is hard for me to believe that more then one sub was like that.

SenseofBelonging -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 8:46:14 AM)
i hate to be negative, but perhaps it is She who is experiencing boredom and is questioning to see if it is mutual.

thetammyjo -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 9:06:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: strob The strangest thing happened to me...lately, I've been in a relationship with a certain domme lady that I met by accident. So, we took it slow at the beggining and we managed to reach a very open and transparent level in our relationship. It was good, very good...maybe still is, I am not sure. Anyway, few days ago she asked me something weird; she said "I thought that by now you'd stop be interested in me, that you'd get bored." I didn't know what to answer her as I never have been in such situation before. She is smart, she's good looking and she is a domme that really enjoys being one. I just don't get it...what kind of subs she had experience before with? And I am quite sure I didn't do anything wrong so she'd think I am bored with her presence or our relationship. Can anyone help me? Sounds like she's been rejected/insulted or she has fears of committment. Dominants are people first and foremost and when we get hurt or even harmed in BDSM it can color the rest of our relationships, especially if we are just starting out when that damage was done. As Fox said last weekend, he feels like he will always be trying to prove he's not like this a-hole who was my first serious slave-owner relationship that I brought into my house, heart, and body. If I'm honest, he's probably right even if I'm not conscious of sending out those signals I can well believe that I do.

lisa1978 -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 9:13:54 AM)
Everyone carries in their personality and baggage from prior relationships. Maybe someone she cared for a lot left her and their reason was they were bored. Maybe she gets bored after a while and wants to move on and wants you to instigate leaving or thinks that if she is bored then you must be bored. Could be either one or niether, but the best way to find out is to sit down and talk about it with her.

Proprietrix -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 9:21:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SenseofBelonging i hate to be negative, but perhaps it is She who is experiencing boredom and is questioning to see if it is mutual. That was the impression I got too. If she thinks her life is boring, it stands to reason that she probably assumes others see her life as boring as well.

strob -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 10:17:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lisa1978 Everyone carries in their personality and baggage from prior relationships. Maybe someone she cared for a lot left her and their reason was they were bored. Maybe she gets bored after a while and wants to move on and wants you to instigate leaving or thinks that if she is bored then you must be bored. Could be either one or niether, but the best way to find out is to sit down and talk about it with her. I'll try to do that, thx

TexasMaam -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 1:19:57 PM)
I disagree with the other responses here. I think there's a different motivation for that turn of phrase; I have been known to make a comment like 'I thought you'd get bored and leave by now', too. What motivates that statement is not any insecurity on My part. It doesn't spring from any unspoken sense of boredom on My part, either. It is prompted by the experiences I've had with 'wanna be' subs who learn that the reality of submission doesn't meet the expectations of their fantasies. Take bondage, for example: I dearly love rigging. Since bobbi is a completely silent sub, and since he drops into subspace almost as soon as the hood slides over his head, (maybe even before he's hooded), I'm perfectly happy rigging him in ropes and I get tickled leaving him bound and motionless for hours, but I have no way of knowing what he's really feeling while I do so. I will occasionally ask him 'Are you bored, yet?' while he's bound, to which he always responds in complete surprise with the words: "Bored? Of course not, Ma'am, I'm *happy! I'm never* bored when we're together!" By contrast I have had a submissive who was totally and completely bored by bondage and who didn't enjoy it at all. That particular subbie preferred corporal punishment, whipping and flogging, and bondage just bored him to tears. He'd fantasized about being bound hand and foot, but found the reality irritating and mundane. I've had subs who yearned for anal penetration only to find that they found it painful or at the very least uncomfortable enough to want to avoid it, *permanently. Their fantasy didn't include the feeling of pressure in their rectum that goes along with the reality of the activity! I've sessioned subs who clamored for golden showers, only to learn to their dismay that they had an uncontrollable, visceral 'ewwwwww' recoil response when they actually experienced it. 'subbie Fantasy vs subbie Reality syndrome'* Some subbies revel in the reality of their experiences, true, but not all of them do. I think a LOT of newbies and even somewhat experienced subs who think they long to serve have to adjust to the reality as opposed to their fantasies, and not all of them handle it very well. I've had My fair share of newbies decide 'this just isn't for me' because they wanted to resume their traditional male dominant role and they knew that role would never be with Me, so we parted company. Even though bobbi and I have been seeing one another for several years now, I still expect him to bow out one of these days, opting to return to his previous lifestyle. Voicing My continued amazement that bobbi continues to want to serve Me as he does in no way means that I am either weak, insecure, bored or unhappy with our relationship in any way whatsoever. All it means is that I'm amazed, delightedly so, that he's still around. I still might say something like 'I thought you'd get bored and leave long ago' rather than say 'I adore you and appreciate your continued service these past few years'. It's a bit of a cynical way of expressing My appreciation for all that he does. Perhaps your Domme was merely expressing that same appreciative thought to you. TexasMaam

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 2:54:56 PM)
quote: I disagree with the other responses here. I think there's a different motivation for that turn of phrase; I have been known to make a comment like 'I thought you'd get bored and leave by now', too. What motivates that statement is not any insecurity on My part. It doesn't spring from any unspoken sense of boredom on My part, either. It is prompted by the experiences I've had with 'wanna be' subs who learn that the reality of submission doesn't meet the expectations of their fantasies. I absolutely agree with TexasMaam, I've had subs that did great until reality set in, the second you start living a daily and mundane life.. like cooking dinner, doing dishes and things like that, they get bored to distraction. Along with that comes the attitude when asked to do something.. that "sigh... alright"... I hate that!!!! So yeah, most likely she has experienced subs that didn't like the reality part of the relationship. *Jewel*

mellian -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 7:54:07 PM)
Reality is too boring and uninteresting as is, so D/s and bdsm reality would be way better. -mellian

theRose4U -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 8:06:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: strob quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra Maybe she was with a sub who wanted a made to order Domme instead of the real thing. He may have had things he wanted done to him that she just didn't want to do or didnt feel the need to do and he called her boring for that. Sounds like a bit of insecurity to me. As long as things are good for you two, just reassure her and perhaps do something for her to make her feel special, moreso then you normally do. We all need a bit of reassurance sometimes. ~Lashra I suppose she might had been with one sub like that, but as per what she told me, she had more then a few...it is hard for me to believe that more then one sub was like that. I don't find it odd at all!! I had the self distructive one that literally had to be ordered not to cut himself when alone, I had the married and lying one that's now in club fed (guess you can only lie so long), had the newbie that was a sponge while taking baby steps & learning that demanded to be in charge one day. There are a lot of crazies in the world some wear coats of wolves umm I mean doms some are sheep. It isn't until you unwrap someone and really get to know them that you can see the darkness inside.

theRose4U -> RE: Something unexpected (6/8/2006 8:10:05 PM)
Finding a sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones.

strob -> RE: Something unexpected (6/9/2006 3:19:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TexasMaam I disagree with the other responses here. I think there's a different motivation for that turn of phrase; I have been known to make a comment like 'I thought you'd get bored and leave by now', too. What motivates that statement is not any insecurity on My part. It doesn't spring from any unspoken sense of boredom on My part, either. It is prompted by the experiences I've had with 'wanna be' subs who learn that the reality of submission doesn't meet the expectations of their fantasies. Take bondage, for example: I dearly love rigging. Since bobbi is a completely silent sub, and since he drops into subspace almost as soon as the hood slides over his head, (maybe even before he's hooded), I'm perfectly happy rigging him in ropes and I get tickled leaving him bound and motionless for hours, but I have no way of knowing what he's really feeling while I do so. I will occasionally ask him 'Are you bored, yet?' while he's bound, to which he always responds in complete surprise with the words: "Bored? Of course not, Ma'am, I'm *happy! I'm never* bored when we're together!" By contrast I have had a submissive who was totally and completely bored by bondage and who didn't enjoy it at all. That particular subbie preferred corporal punishment, whipping and flogging, and bondage just bored him to tears. He'd fantasized about being bound hand and foot, but found the reality irritating and mundane. I've had subs who yearned for anal penetration only to find that they found it painful or at the very least uncomfortable enough to want to avoid it, *permanently. Their fantasy didn't include the feeling of pressure in their rectum that goes along with the reality of the activity! I've sessioned subs who clamored for golden showers, only to learn to their dismay that they had an uncontrollable, visceral 'ewwwwww' recoil response when they actually experienced it. 'subbie Fantasy vs subbie Reality syndrome'* Some subbies revel in the reality of their experiences, true, but not all of them do. I think a LOT of newbies and even somewhat experienced subs who think they long to serve have to adjust to the reality as opposed to their fantasies, and not all of them handle it very well. I've had My fair share of newbies decide 'this just isn't for me' because they wanted to resume their traditional male dominant role and they knew that role would never be with Me, so we parted company. Even though bobbi and I have been seeing one another for several years now, I still expect him to bow out one of these days, opting to return to his previous lifestyle. Voicing My continued amazement that bobbi continues to want to serve Me as he does in no way means that I am either weak, insecure, bored or unhappy with our relationship in any way whatsoever. All it means is that I'm amazed, delightedly so, that he's still around. I still might say something like 'I thought you'd get bored and leave long ago' rather than say 'I adore you and appreciate your continued service these past few years'. It's a bit of a cynical way of expressing My appreciation for all that he does. Perhaps your Domme was merely expressing that same appreciative thought to you. TexasMaam Thank you for your kind and elaborate reply...now, I am sure I didn't do anything wrong nor I failed to do something that would please my partner. However, as her question took me by surprise, I did not answer her the right way, I did not make sure that she knows I am not one bit bored. I will rectify that situation asap. thx again

MstrssPassion -> RE: Something unexpected (6/9/2006 5:42:41 AM)
It would be good to hear back how things turn out. Some good points were brought up & any of them could apply.

sweetbbwsub31 -> RE: Something unexpected (6/9/2006 8:00:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U Finding a sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones. That is exactly how I feel about finding a Dom. Kinda like panning for gold. This one little speck of shine among the gritty sand.

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