RE: punishment...but we havent met

RE: punishment...but we havent met (Full Version)

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MrBlue76 -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 12:48:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EllenofTroy You're not over reacting at all. Life is difficult and I'm sorry you're having issues. That being said, wouldn't it had been nice if "that guy" would have offered you at least a cyber hug instead of instant punishment over something that is emotionally upsetting you? For me that's a trust breaker for someone to want to more or less "play" when I'm upset. Give adivice, give a hug if I'm in the mood, but to punish for feeling out of sorts? Before trust is established? I wish you well and hope all works out for you and that you meet someone caring. This

FrankAr -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 5:48:26 AM)
you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple.

HisPet21 -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 6:38:06 AM)
quote: They want instant submission and any sub with a brain should know better than to fall for that shit. [sm=agree.gif]

JeffBC -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 7:40:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Well that covers about 80% of the male population. bullshit.

JeffBC -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 7:43:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FrankAr you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple. And you don't think it is, perhaps, appropriate to retain some elements of one's life as private to total strangers? The guy hadn't mastered her... obviously. At a much more pragmatic level, I often wonder if anyone ever stops to think WHY they would accept a command from someone and why, if failing at that command, they would accept correction. For me, the answers to those questions involve a lot more than who chose what label in a profile screen.

catize -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 8:05:57 AM)
quote: I would just click off and never talk with you I'm sure she'd get over it [8\|]

OsideGirl -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 8:09:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FrankAr you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple. So, you consider not discussing your finances with a stranger as hiding something. Then you should feel perfectly okay discussing your finances here in the forums.....otherwise you're hiding something.

DarkSteven -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 8:22:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FrankAr you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple. The guy is not her Dom. Nor is he a complete stranger. If he were her Dom, you are correct that this would be a serious issue (although I disagree that it would merit stopping the relationship with no discussion). If he were a total stranger, that would be a ridiculous demand. I'm leaning toward the general consensus that he's more total stranger than her Dom.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 8:39:21 AM)
Using FR: I one who thinks getting into a power exchange type of dynamic with someone you have not met is beyond stupid not to mention emotionally (and maybe physically) dangerous. My recommendation is pretty much always going to be: "stop that !!" This guy sounds like a total dick; when someone you care about has emotional issues, you are supposed to be supportive. When someone you wish to have a dynamic with does not move at your speed, you have to either pull out all together or recognize that is you are attempting to form a couple, that means being willing to move at the same speed. This is a true story: Several years back when I was looking, I met a dom who DJed at the same internet radio station as I. We got to be friends on a non-sexual non-power dynamic basis, as DJing requires team work, cooperation, having a great on air personality but being able to curb your ego well enough to play well with others. So I had an idea of who this guy was based on how he acted, not what he said. After about 6 months he told me he was interested in me. We started talking on the phone (no cam, neither of us had one). Less than two months later, we met. He came to my house for a week. A few days into this first meet, he asked:" Why don't you call me Sir?" I said: "I'm not there yet." He nodded. What is the point of this vignette of my life? To illustrate that people can communicate about important things w/o it having to be this big hairy deal. If you have a question, you can just ask. If someone asks, you can just answer. If you don't get the answer you want, you can choose to move on, or accept it. Most people first getting together do not move at exactly the same speed. If you feel pushed, SAY SOMETHING, since it's been my experience most dominants will not ask a simple question like the above.

artemiss -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 11:11:44 AM)
Just to play devil's advocate, do we really have the whole story? Did this comment really come out of the blue sky? Or did perhaps your previous conversations involve some level of power exchange? And when a sensitive subject came up, the flirting was no longer was fun and you responded to him differently. Not saying this is the case, or that his demand was appropriate. Just think it is generally helpful to review are actions from all sides, see what culpability we may have had in the situation. We can all sit here and call him an inappropriate ass, but that doesn't help her from ending up in the same situation in the future.

JeffBC -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 11:14:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: artemiss Just to play devil's advocate, do we really have the whole story? Of course we don't have the whole story. We seldom do. But the facts remain. He tried to command her. She rejected the command. Ergo, he overplayed his hand and ended up looking foolish rather than dominant.

artemiss -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 11:52:11 AM)
Not trying to say he wasn't foolish. But doubt even a fool would come up with that punishment as a first order. My guess is that there were more "commands" leading up to this, but this was the first time she objected. Regardless, he is not on the message board to learn from the situation, she is. So my point was not about his actions, but rather for her to do some self-reflection to see what steps she could take to help keep this from happening again in the future.

angelikaJ -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 11:52:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1 I was surprised becuz I pass up so many other obvious players, every single day. This guy has stuck around for longer then most guys can handle. If you have that anywhere in your mindset, it sounds like you may see yourself as "Damaged Goods" of some type or other. That is going to tend to make you vulnerable to other situations such as this. Everyone has some type of baggage. HOWEVER IF your baggage is so extreme that it makes you "too much to handle" then you should probably seek out professional help with getting a handle on you before you consider turning yourself over to anyone else. If your life is that unmanageable, then a D/s relationship and/or a Daddy is not a good substitute for the kind of help professional guidance and support can offer. Do not get me wrong, having a supportive partner is a wonderful thing, but a person can not fix another person; that IS an inside job.

JanahX -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 12:08:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt This guy sounds like a total dick; when someone you care about has emotional issues, you are supposed to be supportive. When someone you wish to have a dynamic with does not move at your speed, you have to either pull out all together or recognize that is you are attempting to form a couple, that means being willing to move at the same speed. Yeah - agreed. Its just another do-me Dom. All about him and whats going to get him off - pulling out the "youre the sub, (not an actual human being with actual real life problems) now do as I say" card. I love it when I see people turn everything in life into a BDSM situation. You see it all the time - guys on their profiles, wanting women to be in heels 24/7, go to the grocery store in a mini-tight skirt with no panties or bra, driving to work giving commands to finger yourself and cum 5 times - every day of the week. Its all about sex - and them getting their momentary jerk on. Pretty lame.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 1:29:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ quote: ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1 I was surprised becuz I pass up so many other obvious players, every single day. This guy has stuck around for longer then most guys can handle. If you have that anywhere in your mindset, it sounds like you may see yourself as "Damaged Goods" of some type or other. That is going to tend to make you vulnerable to other situations such as this. Everyone has some type of baggage. HOWEVER IF your baggage is so extreme that it makes you "too much to handle" then you should probably seek out professional help with getting a handle on you before you consider turning yourself over to anyone else. If your life is that unmanageable, then a D/s relationship and/or a Daddy is not a good substitute for the kind of help professional guidance and support can offer. Do not get me wrong, having a supportive partner is a wonderful thing, but a person can not fix another person; that IS an inside job. I would love to know what this guy had stuck around for that was more than most guys could handle. I gotta go with the opinion that there was much more to their interactions that we do not know about. That doesn't make either of them right or wrong, just not a good match. IMHO, YMMV, etc so on and so forth.

littlewonder -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 3:25:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: artemiss Not trying to say he wasn't foolish. But doubt even a fool would come up with that punishment as a first order. My guess is that there were more "commands" leading up to this, but this was the first time she objected. Regardless, he is not on the message board to learn from the situation, she is. So my point was not about his actions, but rather for her to do some self-reflection to see what steps she could take to help keep this from happening again in the future. Ooohhh...don't be so sure. I remember when I still looking and I would talk to some Doms for a couple of days and I would say something about my personal life and all of a sudden he would command me do some sort of punishment for it. That's when I would just click off and not even respond. Wasn't worth the time and he had already proven himself to be a moron.

AVegasMaster -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 3:28:14 PM)
I understand it is not your thing and respect your feelings. However, there are some subs that are into such things.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 6:06:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FrankAr you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple. You ARE way off-base. She said: quote: ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1 we've only been emailing a lil for 10 days. He's not my daddy yet. See, he is not her Daddy/Dom yet, so she doesn't need to tell him jack shit. He is just another human being. He does not own her, so she does not owe him one particle of obedience. Any internet stranger that thinks he can order someone else around when he is not in an agreed-upon dynamic with her is too self-important and full of himself and needs to be knocked down a peg and back into reality. He sounds like a HNG wannabe. quote: ORIGINAL: AVegasMaster ]I understand it is not your thing and respect your feelings. However, there are some subs that are into such things. It sounds to me like the OP is not so sure that it's "her thing" to be ordered around and punished by some stranger she started writing to only ten days before. Being in a consensual dynamic with someone is a whole different thing than having some HNG internet stranger passing judgment on you and handing down punishments that he has no right to be handing down. NBMG

LafayetteLady -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 6:13:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FrankAr you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple. Yea, I would say you are way off base. Not wanting to discuss financial issues within the first 10 emails before even meeting isn't hiding anything. It is having the intelligence to wait to develop trust in a person before telling them every single thing about you, which takes time and getting to know someone. As for him giving "outside perspective" and showing maturity? He can't even grasp the concept that her not wanting to discuss that has nothing to do with her "wanting to hold on to her dominance" and his solution is to make her stand on tip toes naked in a corner, so he can likely whack off at the thought. There IS no maturity there.

LafayetteLady -> RE: punishment...but we havent met (7/8/2012 6:15:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Well that covers about 80% of the male population. bullshit. Not bullshit at all. You've been married how many years? 80% of the male population's first interest is in how to get a women in bed. Here on CM, that percentage is quite a bit higher. They will say and do whatever they think will get them there. I did not say YOU were one of those men, and there are quite a few here on the boards who aren't. But on the other side, yea that is the main goal: satisfy my fetish, kink and blow me.

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