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Question - 6/8/2006 9:23:39 AM

kalimachild

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I was recently talking with someone and they made me think. Could someone explain the differences between sub, Dom, and switch? I'm not sure what I would fall under and would like to know so I can start looking for the proper training.

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 9:30:39 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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There is no clear definition, everyone will have their own. You have to do the hard work- take everyones different ideas, feel what works for you and decide OVER TIME.

Trying to decide from step 1 exactly who you are, exactly who you want to be and exactly the format of the relationship you want is putting the cart way before the horse.

Dominant- someone who is oriented to having authority within their personal intimate relationships on a day to day ongoing basis

Submissive- someone who is oriented to not having authority within their personal intimate relationships on a day to day ongoing basis

Switch- someone who is oriented to enjoying both sadism and masochism and/or someone who is oriented to enjoying both dominance and submission within a or across several intimate personal relationships

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 9:31:20 AM

TNstepsout

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Well in it's simplest form a Dom likes to boss people, a sub likes to be bossed and a switch likes both.

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 9:31:37 AM

desertdancer

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A sub is a submissive, male or female who hands control over to his/her partner, either for play sceens or for 24/7

A Dom is a dominant person male or female who takes the control, and uses it, sometimes for sexual tasks sometimes for day to day tasks

A switch is someone who likes to be in both rolls, who likes to be 'top' one day and 'bottom' the next

This is how I define them, I am sure others with more experience have better definitions

Yours,
dancer

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 10:11:14 AM

twicehappy

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Here is a link to one of numerous bdsm dictionaries, you may find the other definitions helpful another time.

http://www.bdsm-education.com/dictionary.html

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 10:31:42 AM

juliaoceania

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Here are some other ways of saying it:

Submissive enjoys/needs to surrender control

Dominant enjoys/needs to be given control over another

Switch is someone that enjoys control or power play

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 10:35:45 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Switch is someone that enjoys control or power play

And that's why switches get so ornery- we're looked upon as being "just the players" while doms and subs are the "serious ones."

This switch certainly doesn't agree. (Hence the very first line of my first response)

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 11:40:06 AM

juliaoceania

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Let me rephrase

a switch is someone who enjoys/needs the dynamic in which power is exhanged? It is the exchange of power that does it for the switch?.. If I am wrong I apologize

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 11:46:01 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
a switch is someone who enjoys/needs the dynamic in which power is exhanged? It is the exchange of power that does it for the switch?.. If I am wrong I apologize

The wrongness was in differentiating "switch" from "dom and sub" by suggesting that switches just "play."

While I can tell you that is NOT necessarily what defines a switch, I, like everyone else, cannot say what exactly it is which WILL define a switch for any particular person.

I don't use the term power exchange at all in any of my definitions, so that definition wouldn't work for me. But I understand the concept you are driving towards and it seems to fit "well enough."

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 11:47:20 AM

composer83

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a sub is a really big sandwitch
a dom is short for dominoe, a game played with tiles
& a switch is that thing on the wall that makes it light & dark

hope this helps!

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 12:25:27 PM

crouchingtigress

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Hi LA,

I am not trying to be ornery here, but I did not take her definition as dissing switches.

Power play is what we all do, Dome Sub and Switch...we play with power, That does not mean we play with emotions, or are "players".

I think the word play can be very serious in the lifestyle, such as breath play and blade play, blood play ect....

I know I am making a mountain out of a mole hill here, but I am a Switch myself, and I have yet to experience any one thinking that my involvement in BDSM is less then genuine or feel that I have been treated as though I am less serious then a confirmed Dom or sub.

Any one that would judge a book by its title is quite likely not some one of value to me anyway.

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 12:30:15 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
I know I am making a mountain out of a mole hill here, but I am a Switch myself, and I have yet to experience any one thinking that my involvement in BDSM is less then genuine or feel that I have been treated as though I am less serious then a confirmed Dom or sub.

It was more that she put "or power play" ONLY in the definition for a switch. This differentiated it and suggested that switches are the only ones who engage in power play, and that they aren't serious about it.

I definitely have often been treated as an outcast, weirdo, someone not worth talking to, or simply confused since I began identifying as first a slave top, then a switch.

Ultimately, of course it's not the end of the world. I know the INTENT of the original post was not to be a downgrade or misinformation about switches. But I felt it an important point to distinguish.

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 12:39:47 PM

marieToo

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I cant speak to this topic except to add that Ive heard alot of people say they started out as dom or sub, then found they had a penchant for the other side as well.

I wondered if it might be comparable to the way a heterosexual eventually discovers that they find joy in being bisexual as well. Wouldnt make a hetero and a lesbian more "real" than a bisexual would it? Im not sure if thats analogous. Trying to understand over here.

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 12:42:55 PM

NINASHARP

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Just curious, would you say that you are a submissive switch or a bottom switch or a slave switch or are you a top switch or dominant switch or mistress switch? I've never defined the various types of switching, but I think that one might be more of a mental aspect and the other type more in the physical form and then there is a place where one is both mentally and physically. I can't tell which would apply to me as I started from the bottom and switched my way to the top.

Nina

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 12:45:50 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NINASHARP
Just curious, would you say that you are a submissive switch or a bottom switch or a slave switch or are you a top switch or dominant switch or mistress switch?

If I had any idea what those meant, I might be able to tell you.

Within the scene I consider myself a slave/dominant/top/bottom/submissive meaning I can and have formed relationships with others as one or more of those orientations.

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 12:47:12 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
I wondered if it might be comparable to the way a heterosexual eventually discovers that they find joy in being bisexual as well. Wouldnt make a hetero and a lesbian more "real" than a bisexual would it? Im not sure if thats analogous. Trying to understand over here.

Works well for me.

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 12:53:19 PM

crouchingtigress

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For me the way it works is in long stretches even years at a time that one role is more appealing to me then the other...and so this is a time in my life I am definitely dominant, so right now I simply identify as a dom but as folks begin to know me they learn that I dont identify with roles per say much at all, that i really dig the energy exchange and that one day I may find my self at someones feet again.

L.A. Thanks for clarifying, I read with piqued curiosity when you said that you dont use the term Power Exchange at all in your definitions, can you share why?

PS this is not technically a hijack because the poster is asking about lifestyle definitions..lol

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 12:59:04 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
L.A. Thanks for clarifying, I read with piqued curiosity when you said that you dont use the term Power Exchange at all in your definitions, can you share why?

Hope you like links...this thread really explains it as best as I can.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_103815/mpage_1/key_UAT/tm.htm#103815
TPE = Totally Pointless Expression?

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 1:02:56 PM

juliaoceania

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I do not know what TPE is, but I do know what PE is. I understand it the way you understand being a switch. It is the thing that makes my dynamic tick. I do not consider it handing over "authority", I consider it handing over my power, my control. It is what D/s is to me. I seem to hand over "authority", but I am really surrendering my energy, my power, my control.

On Edit: He gives me back something for it....His energy.. so it is a transfer of power. It is very Asian in its structure. Like Yin Yang

There is a concept that what you own comes to own you... so I give myself (one day) to the total ownership of another... That concept kicks in... It is something I have discussed with the person I am seeing, and we both see this as a part of our new and forming dynamic... it works for us

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/8/2006 1:06:04 PM >

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RE: Question - 6/8/2006 1:11:19 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I do not know what TPE is, but I do know what PE is. I understand it the way you understand being a switch. It is the thing that makes my dynamic tick. I do not consider it handing over "authority", I consider it handing over my power, my control.

But you still have YOUR power, YOUR control. You can't simply give away your power to stand, your power to sit, your power to breath, your bladder control. It's all still there WITHIN YOU.

quote:

I seem to hand over "authority", but I am really surrendering my energy, my power, my control.

A) Surrendering is not the same as exchanging
B) Energy is a VERY different thing from power and control, everyone in every relationship gives energy, it is nothing which defines submission or slavery

quote:

He gives me back something for it....His energy.. so it is a transfer of power. It is very Asian in its structure. Like Yin Yang

Transferring ENERGY is not the same as transferring POWER.

Everyone in every relationship transfers energy. Power is part of who we are. In good relationships we actually become MORE powerful in who we are.

You're using a LOT of different words as if they explain the same things when they are all very distinct concepts from eachother.

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