Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Punishment feels fake?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Punishment feels fake? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 12:42:52 AM   
Dunamis2009


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/9/2012
Status: offline 		Hello all,
I'm relatively new to the BDSM world. My SO confided in me her tendency as a sub relatively early in our relationship, and as I learned more about what BDSM was, what she wanted in a dom, and which aspects stay in the bedroom vs. which apply ubiquitously in our relationship, well- let's just say I've started to enjoy playtime just as much, if not more, than she does.

However, one aspect of our relationship still confuses me. It's pretty obvious that she enjoys punishments I give her, but punishments are supposed to be a deterrent to future behaviour, right? So, whenever she does something wrong that needs correcting, it feels "fake" to me to punish her for it through spankings and the like, because I feel that she enjoys the punishment and might continue the unwanted behaviours in order to receive more punishment. In fact, I feel like I can remember at least one time in which this was indeed the case. Not to mention, I don't want her to miss out on some of her favourite sensations (She really loves wax) simply because they are labeled as "punishments only".

So, experienced ones, how do you separate out pleasurable punishment from deterrent? Do you ignore the fact that your sub enjoys the punishments he or she receives? Or do you think of something that your sub genuinely dislikes? Do you have any other ideas or suggestions for punishments for a dom rather new at the craft?

Thanks in advance!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 12:48:06 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Make the punishment something she doesn't like, rather than things you do for fun.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Dunamis2009)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 12:54:01 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		For us, it's the mindset but Master is a sadist and I'm not a masochist so for us that's rather easy...most things he does hurt the hell out of me lol.

In your case I would do something to her she does not like or take something away. It doesn't have to be sexual unless this is just bedroom play. If it's just bedroom play then I don't see what she could possibly be punished for. You're just role playing.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 1:02:06 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Oh come on!

If she likes it, it's not a punishment. If she doesn't like it, it is.

There's nothing wrong with "funishment" - Play punishment that you both enjoy. But if you actually want to punish, then I'm sure you could figure out something that she wouldn't enjoy.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Dunamis2009)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 1:12:45 AM   
Dunamis2009


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/9/2012
Status: offline 		Well, that was quick, haha. Thanks for the responses!
Yeah, I actually got a lot from your post, littlewonder- I was blurring the lines of bedroom play and the real world. It may not help that it's 4 in the morning, either.

I guess not the greatest post to start off my career at CM, but hey; I'm learning already!

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 1:33:00 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hey, we all started somewhere. Good luck... and enjoy the journey.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Dunamis2009)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 1:45:36 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Sounds like you have had your question answered already, but what the heck.

Don't use spankings/wax/any of her other favourite things as punishment if you really want her to change her behaviour.

In my case, a spanking is yummy, and something to be used for fun. Sometimes it might be a 'play punishment' such as 'oh you're so cheeky bend over my lap this instant' - he's not really cross, the 'cheekiness' is just playfulness and the spanking is for fun.

If he dislikes something I do or I disobey or whatever, the punishment is not something I enjoy. I hate hate hate the riding crop and as such it is a pretty effective deterrent. Another useful punishment is 'go away until you can behave yourself'. No chance of me playing up for that.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 3:26:15 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Punishing a Maso...
Tie her up with an assortment of floggers
and stuff in plain view, then leave her and
go watch TV?

Just remember to untie her at bed time heh.

-ARIES

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 4:11:41 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Disapproval is always sufficient punishment for me.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to Dunamis2009)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 4:57:01 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Punishment = Make her go without playtime, make her do nasty chores.

Fun-ishment = the spankings and tying ect.


Deterrant means it has to be something she dislikes greatly, and it also means making sure she understands you are upset/unhappy with her behavior. If it's something you genuinely can't tolerate as opposed to some manufactured brattiness, make sure you sit her down and tell her as an adult... this has no place in your relationship, and it needs to end, before the dynamic does.

(in reply to Dunamis2009)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 5:07:49 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Disapproval is always sufficient punishment for me.



I do not "do" punishment dynamics in the physical sense. I have no punishment dynamic what so ever with Himself. He doesn't need harshness to correct my behavior, that I did not please him is *quite* enough.

Now my sub, yes I have punished him. He's a maso, so believe me, it's never physical. Once he had to write an essay, which he would not have been able to complete w/o having to spend some time THINKING about his behavior.

You know, he can be a bit of a brat, and sometimes he just goes too far with that and needs to be strongly reminded of who's in charge. I think male subs in general need a stronger tug on the leash at times.

But punishing a maso by spanking her? That ain't gonna work unless you want to get seriously brutal, beyond, and I mean well beyond, what she wants to take. And with a maso, shesh, you just never know where that line is. Really, the absolute best way to punish a maso is to *not* spank them or engage them psychically.

Now funishment I love and I think most of us do. I talk to my boy once a day generally, and the conversation is often spiced with the spread sheet I am keeping on all his many transgressions and how he's gonna "get it" when I see him. That's just fun stuff, am I right?

_____________________________



(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 5:34:39 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Now funishment I love and I think most of us do. I talk to my boy once a day generally, and the conversation is often spiced with the spread sheet I am keeping on all his many transgressions and how he's gonna "get it" when I see him. That's just fun stuff, am I right?


You keep track of, and organise his transgressions
in spreadsheet form?!?!?

Wow.


_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 6:10:43 AM   
Char2688


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		Rewards are better than punishment
Withholding rewards then becomes the punishment
Change the dynamic and the problem is solved

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 6:57:55 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dunamis2009
Or do you think of something that your sub genuinely dislikes?


Bingo.

Some punishments include lines, making her sort socks, denial of privileges, etc.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Dunamis2009)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 7:00:09 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83



You keep track of, and organise his transgressions
in spreadsheet form?!?!?

Wow.




No, it's a standing joke. He's such a bad, bratty sub I have to use a spreadsheet to keep track of how bad he is. Pure fun, and sick sense of humor.

_____________________________



(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 7:10:08 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dunamis2009
It's pretty obvious that she enjoys punishments I give her, but punishments are supposed to be a deterrent to future behaviour, right? So, whenever she does something wrong that needs correcting, it feels "fake" to me to punish her for it through spankings and the like, because I feel that she enjoys the punishment and might continue the unwanted behaviours in order to receive more punishment. In fact, I feel like I can remember at least one time in which this was indeed the case.


This is what is referred to as funishment. Some people really get off on the "You've been a bad girl. You deserve a spanking". If that's not working, turn those activities into rewards rather than "punishment" and leave the stuff she doesn't like for actual correcting.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Dunamis2009)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 9:14:23 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt


quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83



You keep track of, and organise his transgressions
in spreadsheet form?!?!?

Wow.




No, it's a standing joke. He's such a bad, bratty sub I have to use a spreadsheet to keep track of how bad he is. Pure fun, and sick sense of humor.

I once had a "Big Book of Consequences" where we logged ever transgression (and every consequence) she had ever had.
That was fun.

Man, oh man, she hated that book.
She saw it as a tome of her failures-it's mere presence in our house was like a needle in her eye...which, of course, I loved.
Being the nice cat I am, I would do things like "accidentally" leave it on the kitchen table so it was the first thing she saw in the AM.
Good times

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 9:17:47 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		GAWD, you are an evil man, Kana!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 9:23:51 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

GAWD, you are an evil man, Kana!!


No. The wost part was that I made her enter her transgressions by hand, then every Tuesday she would have to crawl and get the book, bring it back to me, and then kneel while I recited her list of misdeeds and doled out consequences. :-)

That was awesome. She would be shaking like a leaf when I called out, "It's time. Get the book slut and let's clear the slate."

Boy, that was fun. I may have to re-enact those days.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Punishment feels fake? - 7/9/2012 9:31:53 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Evil fucker :) I enjoy hearing about it, but I can because I am not HER....

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Punishment feels fake? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094