Sites for new doms

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Bermudadunesdom -> Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 1:15:37 AM)
I always trying to learn more so when I find the partner I'm looking for I can be a good dom. Does anyone have any info or sites that discuss types of doms and advice?

FrankAr -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 2:46:54 AM)
There is a book list for people wanting to read about it, and getting a good perspective. It is in another topic, the list is about 15 books.

DarkSteven -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 4:52:51 AM)
I'd recommend the Ask a Master and ask a Sub/Slave and General BDSM forums here, and the Ask a Dominant forum on Fetlife. You won't find any lists of hard and fast rules, but you will get give-and-take discussions.

OsideGirl -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 7:25:15 AM)
There's BDSM D/s munch in the Palm Desert area. I would suggest getting out and meeting your community. I would also recommend finding yourself a male Dom mentor to shadow.

Kana -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 8:21:55 AM)
I'd try CollarMe. I hear they have some spiffy folk on the forums

OsideGirl -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 8:30:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana I'd try CollarMe. I hear they have some spiffy folk on the forums Just watch out for that Kana guy......he's a pervert.

Kana -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 8:34:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Kana I'd try CollarMe. I hear they have some spiffy folk on the forums Just watch out for that Kana guy......he's a pervert. Don't be dissing my Eagle Scout badges now, heya :-)

JeffBC -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 9:41:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bermudadunesdom I always trying to learn more so when I find the partner I'm looking for I can be a good dom. Does anyone have any info or sites that discuss types of doms and advice? This is a pretty good site as is Fetlife. The only "Dom training" sites I've seen were all patently hokum in my opinion -- filled to the brim with "internet wisdom". Be aware, the internet is pretty rough to "new doms". It's kind of a no-win. You're going to hear things like: - If you weren't birthed from the womb with a deep desire to do x then you're not a true dom. - If you don't already have 20 years experience you're useless - You cannot learn to be dominant... you either are or you are not. My advice is ignore such things for the idiocy they are. Post here and elsewhere as you find other sites. Take the posts that resonate with you and try to learn from them. Later, when you get your feet under you a little better, also take the posts that make your hackles go up and try to learn from them also. If you hang here long enough, eventually you'll find some posters that seem to resonate with you. Those are the ones you'd like as "mentors". Private message them. Drill this into your brain: There is no one true way. There are no rules. There's no right way or wrong way. There is only your way and the way of any potential partners. Don't try to fit yourself to some BDSM label. Rather, take the BDSM labels and fit them to you. Pretty much the moment someone says to you "you're not a true..." you know they are an idiot and can safely ignore anything else they say. Finally... just a bit of a map for you. In super-broad (and certain to be wrong in the specifics) brushstrokes... Top/bottom: People who want to get together for some kinky bedroom fun. The Top runs the show within the context of the agreed upon limits and scene and the authority ends at the end of the scene. Dom/sub: People for whom the authority dynamic extends outside of sexual contexts. How far it extends is highly variable based upon the individual couple. Master/slave or Owner/property: People for whom the authority dynamic is, to them at least, comprehensive. Again, what "comprehensive" means is unique to each couple but in broad brush strokes you can just assume the Master is running the show throughout most or all of life -- much like the terms "master" and "slave" might imply. Avoid the idea that there is some sort of hierarchy in that. M/s is not some super form of D/s which is not some better version of Top/bottom. They are all simply different choices and the "best" choice is the one which makes the most smiles for the people involved. Good luck. Welcome to CM. Enjoy your journey :) Edited to add: Oh, and for the love of all that's holy, even if you decide you want to go down the M/s path... do NOT call yourself a "new master" online. I have yet to determine what new masters ARE supposed to call themselves, but apparently a lot of folk think it's presumptuous to use the word "master" at all if you don't have the experience to back it up.

sexyred1 -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 9:43:40 AM)
I also think that reading what submissives say on the boards and elsewhere would be helpful to someone who is looking to be a better Dominant. Sometimes hearing what your target audience wants and needs is the best strategy.

DarkSteven -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 12:09:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana I'd try CollarMe. I hear they have some spiffy folk on the forums Spaceman Spiff?

Ishtarr -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 12:13:52 PM)
BDSMU to me, is the only good "Dom-training" site I've every seen. Sadly it's been offline for a while now, but it can still be accessed using waybackmachine: http://web.archive.org/web/20030210062307/http://www.bdsmu.com/page_misc_default.html The color formatting is a little weird sometimes, but his training guides is what first introduced me to BDSM over a decade ago, and still encompasses what I consider necessary in the type of relationship I feel best in.

kalikshama -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 1:27:31 PM)
Here's the booklist: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm Welcome!

OsideGirl -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 2:15:16 PM)
Actually, you're probably close enough to get to some Threshold events. They have lots of demonstrations and discussion groups.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/10/2012 2:42:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Kana I'd try CollarMe. I hear they have some spiffy folk on the forums Just watch out for that Kana guy......he's a pervert. Don't be dissing my Eagle Scout badges now, heya :-) Kana's Eagle Scout Badge [image]local://upfiles/633062/FBDEAD1C05FA4302B4B17E17FB9F7C9E.jpg[/image]

Kana -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/11/2012 2:01:10 AM)
Ahhh, Snidely, a childhood hero Wonder how many gals he tied to the RR racks in his illustrious career as a villain. And wonder how many more gals had the fantasy planted by said deeds [8\|]

ARIES83 -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/11/2012 4:21:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: Bermudadunesdom I always trying to learn more so when I find the partner I'm looking for I can be a good dom. Does anyone have any info or sites that discuss types of doms and advice? This is a pretty good site as is Fetlife. The only "Dom training" sites I've seen were all patently hokum in my opinion -- filled to the brim with "internet wisdom". Be aware, the internet is pretty rough to "new doms". It's kind of a no-win. You're going to hear things like: - If you weren't birthed from the womb with a deep desire to do x then you're not a true dom. - If you don't already have 20 years experience you're useless - You cannot learn to be dominant... you either are or you are not. My advice is ignore such things for the idiocy they are. Post here and elsewhere as you find other sites. Take the posts that resonate with you and try to learn from them. Later, when you get your feet under you a little better, also take the posts that make your hackles go up and try to learn from them also. If you hang here long enough, eventually you'll find some posters that seem to resonate with you. Those are the ones you'd like as "mentors". Private message them. Drill this into your brain: There is no one true way. There are no rules. There's no right way or wrong way. There is only your way and the way of any potential partners. Don't try to fit yourself to some BDSM label. Rather, take the BDSM labels and fit them to you. Pretty much the moment someone says to you "you're not a true..." you know they are an idiot and can safely ignore anything else they say. Finally... just a bit of a map for you. In super-broad (and certain to be wrong in the specifics) brushstrokes... Top/bottom: People who want to get together for some kinky bedroom fun. The Top runs the show within the context of the agreed upon limits and scene and the authority ends at the end of the scene. Dom/sub: People for whom the authority dynamic extends outside of sexual contexts. How far it extends is highly variable based upon the individual couple. Master/slave or Owner/property: People for whom the authority dynamic is, to them at least, comprehensive. Again, what "comprehensive" means is unique to each couple but in broad brush strokes you can just assume the Master is running the show throughout most or all of life -- much like the terms "master" and "slave" might imply. Avoid the idea that there is some sort of hierarchy in that. M/s is not some super form of D/s which is not some better version of Top/bottom. They are all simply different choices and the "best" choice is the one which makes the most smiles for the people involved. Good luck. Welcome to CM. Enjoy your journey :) Edited to add: Oh, and for the love of all that's holy, even if you decide you want to go down the M/s path... do NOT call yourself a "new master" online. I have yet to determine what new masters ARE supposed to call themselves, but apparently a lot of folk think it's presumptuous to use the word "master" at all if you don't have the experience to back it up. Nice job Jeff, +1 from me

OsideGirl -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/11/2012 7:18:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Ahhh, Snidely, a childhood hero Wonder how many gals he tied to the RR racks in his illustrious career as a villain. And wonder how many more gals had the fantasy planted by said deeds [8\|] We were at a Threshold party and Lorelei ( a bondage model) was there with her rope guy....they did the whole railroad tracks thing. It was great. "Sign the deed!" "I can't sign the deed!!"

Kana -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/11/2012 8:14:23 AM)
quote: Oh, and for the love of all that's holy, even if you decide you want to go down the M/s path... do NOT call yourself a "new master" online. I have yet to determine what new masters ARE supposed to call themselves, but apparently a lot of folk think it's presumptuous to use the word "master" at all if you don't have the experience to back it up. Maybe we should call em Master's in Training-MiT's or perhaps Training Wheel Sirs

JeffBC -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/11/2012 8:27:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Maybe we should call em Master's in Training-MiT's or perhaps Training Wheel Sirs Based on the responses on that other thread I doubt we could get away with anything involving the word "master"... except perhaps "wannabe master". I'll bet "training wheel sirs" would be suitable for most though.

Kana -> RE: Sites for new doms (7/11/2012 8:41:49 AM)
Then steal a page from the corporate world and call em "Sir's in Training"-you know, Sits!

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