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Lucifyre -> RE: bottom (7/13/2012 9:07:50 AM)
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I have to disagree a little bit with Des.
She stated:
If in a power relationship, I said my hard limits were paddles due to a previous bad experience, I would allow him to decide if I should keep my panties on or not.
to which my response is:
A hard limit is a hard limit period. Regardless of the type of TPE relationship you are in IMO, if you have negotiated that something is a hard limit, then it is to be respected at all times no matter who gets to make the decisions and someone who crosses a hard limit is a bad choice of a decision maker. Otherwise I would consider it a soft limit and expect it to be crossed at some point or another by the person I trust to make those decisions.
Letting someone know I have limits does not make me less of a submissive, having my Dom not cross those limits does not make him any less Dom to me, him not crossing them simply to me means that he respects me as his "property" enough to understand those limits are in place for a reason. If at some time in the future I am comfortable removing those limits or renegotiating the lines where those limits get crossed then that's a discussion he and I can always have, but until those conversations happen the limits are the limits are the limits.
An example would be: some of my hard limits include: no children, no needles, no cutting, no bloodplay, no scat, nothing illegal that will land me in jail, nothing that interferes with my kids pets or home.
My soft limits might include things like singletails...I am afraid of them, but I know with the right person of experience I may not have a reason to be. Since Mr has no experience with singletails, they remain a hard limits between He and I but he may choose to sub me out to someone who DOES know how to use them thus making them overall a soft limit.
Now, to answer the OP's question from my perspective:
A bottom is someone who negotiates play before every session. They have no desire to serve the person they are playing with, they are simply getting thier needs met during a scene. An example would be of someone visiting a FinDomme. They pay for a session tailored to thier needs and wants. Absolutely NOTHING wrong with that IMO btw, just using it as an example.
A submissive is someone like myself who's primary interests lie in the happiness care and feeding of my dominant. If my needs get met in the meantime, bonus, if not, that's His choice, not mine. Now here is where it gets a little tangled for me...my needs get met when He is happy. If I suck him off and that's all he wants from me, I am a happy girl because I was able to serve Him and make Him feel good.
k, end of my ramble...back to your regularly scheduled programming ;)
Lucifyre
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