RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (Full Version)

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KnightofMists -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 8:12:52 PM)

I must say that I am curious how much time you spent getting to know each other before he accepted this wonderful gift of submission that he held for a whole two weeks.  Only to give it back becuase he couldn't decieve his wife. 

I also have to wonder if he just didn't take you for a ride and decieved you as well.  Decieved you in that is intention was never one of a long-term relationship, but got the goods, got bored and returned the gift... rewraped of course.




xxmstrchasxx -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/8/2006 9:01:10 PM)

brattybottom,

No flaming here, the first thing in your profile says you're married and don't plan to relocate.  The only bad thing is you're probably likely to find more Doms that are players than want a long term relationship.

I am sorry for your hurt, just slow down a little and get to know the person a little better and longer than 2 weeks.  I knew my sub for 6 months before we even met.  I got to know her pretty well in that amount of time.  Must have worked, we been together for 8 years now :)

Again, sorry you got hurt.




meatcleaver -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 12:57:47 AM)

If people are looking for a relationship just to get rid of their sexual (kinky) frustration then the relationship probably isn't going to last too long. Once the flogger and toys have been put away there comes a time to talk and live in the ordinary stressful world of making a living and getting by.

A man who is married and looking to get rid of his sexual frustration isn't going to hang around very long, there has to be something else and my guess he isn't looking for anything else. It's going to take a little more than the promise of pussy to lure him away from his unsatisfactory (or maybe contented in many ways) marriage. Leaving a wife can cost a fortune and financially cripple a man for years. That is why many men play away and put up with an unsatisfactory marriage, it's cheaper and more convenient. Until their is more equality in separation, men are going to be reluctant just to walk out on a spouse, especially if the only reward is a bit of pussy.

Tough but probably true in most cases.



scratchingpost -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 1:10:08 AM)

First I am sorry to hear of your pain
I have a policy that might help if not you than perhaps someone else.
My girl is married. However, before I played with her I made sure that her husband was fine with it. He is nilla but is willing to accept that she needs this to complete her. He is a special and wonderful man and knows that I would never interfere in their nilla relationship and that I respect their relationship comes first. I feel it best to be honest with the nilla counterpart if there is one. Let them set some of the limits (ie her husband says mostly everything is fine but penis vaginal intercourse is not alright with him so I could not have My boy and her entertain Me in such a fashion if I so desired to do so and would NOT go against his wishes)

Being honest in the nilla world can only help in situations such as these whenever and wherever possible.

I do hope that your heart mends quickly and that your lessons learned will not jade you but make you wiser and stronger. be well and be happy



darkinshadows -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 1:28:18 AM)

At the risk of sounding harsh - you knew what you were getting into also.  So the reality is - you would have been wise to be prepared for what may possibly happen.  Equal responsibility.
 
Not that it helps with the hurt and distress of being released, but being aware is what it is all about.
 
Submission being a gift - maybe it is - but don't suffer him the guilt trip of it being your gift to him.  It is a gift you have been given to share with whomever you chose.  Just because he has decided not to share in what you have to offer doesn't make it less a gift.
 
So you pick yourself up and move on.  Hurts like hell - and isn't a pleasent pain.  But try not to look at it as a mistake, just another lesson to learn from and try not to repeat it in the same way.
 
Oh and my typing sucks this morning .
Peace and Rapture



bandit25 -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 2:15:22 AM)

Guess I don't have much to add.  You should have known what you were getting into, but pain is pain and that sucks.



Quivver -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 3:52:08 AM)

Call me Stupid, but how do you hide a red (or what ever color) bottom (or what ever part) from a Spouse? 



RavenMuse -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 4:23:49 AM)

No flame sweetie, you know my opinion of the situation and that doesn't need going over again. That doesn't mean I don't have some sympathy for how you are feeling right now.

*hugs*



Furr -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 4:50:46 AM)

First, I'm sorry for your pain.  But BDS/m relationships require deeper levels of trust than nilla relationships.  Protect yourself until you feel completely safe making yourself defenseless.  I am glad you have not invested more of yourself into this losing situation.

Knowing it is not easy I can only recommend that you say, "next."  And the next one fills your needs.



sabswife -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 4:57:57 AM)

i am sorry that you got hurt, i didn't respond to this right away as a result of my own feelings when it came to him deceiving his wife, i feel that is very wrong. i have been in the wifes shoes and its no picnic, no matter the reasons behind it.

i see from your perspective and understand what you are saying but perhaps next time you should ensure that he is as up front with his wife as you are with your husband.

it did scream player to me tho tbh, felt like he wanted to fulfill a fantasy and once he did, it either wasn't what he wanted or it was fulfilled for him.

i dunno... but again i am sorry you are hurting :(



CollaredProperty -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 5:36:32 AM)

Rules of thumb
1. married...........no unless both partners are in the relationship
2. can't have all of his phone numbers, work, cell, home smelll something fishy
3. Meeting is alway on his time or his turf, who is he hiding from?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 6:06:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrattyBottomRN
I understand about being faithful to a spouse, lord knows I can relate, and I really do respect this.  But what the hell did he think he was getting into exactly???  People toss around collars too easily sometimes.  Or maybe I got what I deserved.  Or maybe I trusted too easily.  I will NOT be so quick to give myself next time.

That's the down side of the newbie frenzy/rush to get into something.

You do need to take responsibility here- you got into the situation with full knowledge of the possible consequences, and you got into too fast, mistaking a few hot scenes for an actual relationship foundation.  He didn't toss a collar around- you greedily snatched it and crowed about it.

It's really so much better that it was only two weeks.  Some people take a few months or years to figure it out.

The good thing would be to not get into ANY commitment for at least six months.  You're young, hot and female- you will not lack for partners on ANY level, whether it's just a friend, a play partner, a top, or whatever you want.  You are married- why not just take a kinky lover rather than the untotal commitment you could give to a collar?



Lordandmaster -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 8:59:19 AM)

Sorry your relationship didn't work out, but why is it ALWAYS the other person's fault?

Maybe it was your fault.  Maybe it was no one's fault.  Blaming other people for every failed relationship in your life is the attitude that leads you into yet another failed relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrattyBottomRN

Turned out he couldn't handle it.



champagnewishes -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 9:08:55 AM)

***Fast Reply

Although i am empathetic to the hurt you are experiencing, i also think you got a good dose of reality.  I would love to understand how you could trust someone enough to accept their collar when from the very start, they we displaying their true character by breaking the trust of someone else. 



SuperatusMasculs -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 9:10:04 AM)

Being released is sometimes best for the releasee.  And in this case, I think it just might be.  You are wiser for the experience, if nothing else, you know now how slowly to proceed the next time.  Be who you are, and seek what you desire.  Make mistakes boldly, but not blindly.  All mistakes are lessons in hiding, but don't go around banging your thumb with every type of hammer in Sears to see if they all hurt.  They do.  Trust those of us who have walked this path before you, my sweet.

Please keep us updated.

Michael



BrattyBottomRN -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 11:00:32 AM)

Learning experience... yeah most definately.  I trust people too easily, and I guess I was easily blinded.  I'm inexperienced, and definately wanted so badly to feel that absolute connection.  As for "greedily snatching the collar" as LA said, that's a little harsh, don't ya think?  I don't think I greedily snatched it, I blindly believed what I was told and accepted it readily.  I'm hurting enough, are comments like that and the "needy sub" one don't really help at all. :(

So I 've learned something from this, that is for sho'.  Don't trust people lol...  I'll definately think long and hard next time I meet someone, lol.  Thanks tho for all the sound advice I did get guys... much appreciated.

I'm done with this discussion now.  Like a previous poster said...

NEXT... [:D]





RiotGirl -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 11:24:57 AM)

Ppl say that in this life you should "take a chance"  i tell em naaaah.  Never take a chance,  85% of the time you get screwed

Take a calculated risk.  95% of the time you do alright.  You jumped too quick and took a chance, should of sat back and played it out.  Before you got yourself involved. 

Never take a chance with ppl - its on of the best ways to get screwed.  Get to know them, learn them and then calculate your risk.  Bascially girl, play it out



darkinshadows -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 12:02:37 PM)

You can only trust people if you trust yourself.  And in this relationship you were lying to his wife.  Now thats not a judgement, thats a fact.  Em may seem harsh - but that harsh was the truth.  And isnt that what you wanted?  Or do you want people to cuddle and say 'There-there... never mind" and be all insincere?  It's not a flame to tell you honesty.  Taking a collar that fast, IMO isnt the problem.  Taking it and losing it that fast is.  But thats for others who place value on a collar - and it kind of makes a mockery of people who see collars as an important part of their commitment.
 
But there is always that head rush - that desire to feel part of something.  Most of us have done something impulsive at some point.  But people learn more by accepting what they have done and move forward instead of blaming others and trying to bestow 'guilt' by mentioning 'gifts'(that is just an example, not meant as a dig).
 
But people can be trusted.  Not all... but there are people you can trust out here in the big wild world.  If you can trust yourself, and trust that youre doing things and living life so you are comfortable with yourself and your truth - you will find it is easier to trust others.  You only learn by example - so be a good and positive example to yourself.
 
Peace and Rapture.



RiotGirl -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 12:10:12 PM)

quote:

If you can trust yourself, and trust that youre doing things and living life so you are comfortable with yourself and your truth - you will find it is easier to trust others.


thats totally bs.  trust is earned, not given.  Takes time, patience, knowing who your dealing with.  Not knowing who you ARE dealing with others.. no.. knowing who you're dealing with. 

Just because your intent (as it all breaks down to intent) is all well and fine.. and good.. and trust worthy, doesnt make it true of others. 

Others are not "you"  Great.. trust yourself!  Be happy with you and live your life.. be comfie and all that jazz.. it doesnt make one whiff of difference when it comes to others.. because others dont live as you.. nor do they follow your code.. your beliefs.. your morals.. or your own honesty to yourself. 

Trust yourself yes.  Trust others?  what a bunch of flowery BS if i ever heard any = )

trust yourself.. and calculate when it comes to others.  Calculate every action you make when it comes to involving them. 

rah and dont get all personal bout this reply.. its not personal.. just ones own beliefs



fullofgrace -> RE: Heartbreak... got released already. (6/9/2006 12:17:50 PM)

i think as far as trust goes, it's easier to trust others when you are trustworthy, and being a part of deception is not being trustworthy.

at any rate, i won't go into flaming you, just give you *hugs* and hope that you've taken something away from this. and hope for you that in the future relationships will not involve deception. i hope you find what you are seeking.



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