Attached wanting single (Full Version)

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artemiss -> Attached wanting single (7/13/2012 10:58:26 PM)

At first I was going to post this in "Ask a Submissive", but then realized I would also like to know the flip side as well.

It is a regular occurance for me to receive propositions from married, or otherwise attached men expressing an interest in being my Dom/Master. 

Usually this results in me ignoring their initial communication, (yes, it is in my profile that I am only interested in available men).  And I can see certain situations where a submissive may have life situations that prohibit a partner taking priority.  But from my perspective, I'm a fully functioning person with relatively little baggage.  I own my home and car, have held down the same job for over five years, have no children or other major commitments.  Why would choose to make you the main focus of my life when for you I am way down on the list of commitments.

So, yes, I had difficulty keeping this from being personal, but please respond in the manner that this situation would apply to your point of view.






LadyPact -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/13/2012 11:08:16 PM)

I'll try to help.

What you are saying here is very much why I don't proposition anyone. In My view, it would take a heck of a lot for a single person to join My household.

Yet, it happens. There have been some pretty cool people in My life who wanted to be Mine. For the life of Me, I never figure this out. I don't really think I'm all that special.

I'm getting from what you are saying here on this thread that the poly gig just isn't your thing. Maybe you can at least look at such offers as a compliment. I would.




myotherself -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/13/2012 11:13:17 PM)

When I was looking, I made it clear I was looking for an exclusive relationship so that ruled out married/attached men.

However, I do know of some subs for whom this would not be a problem. Sub A ended a relationship of many years last year. She misses the D/s dynamic so she's just looking to have her needs met. For that reason she's 'owned' by a married man (whose wife is fully aware and happy with the situation).

Sub B is a lot younger and just wants to have fun. She is 'owned' by several married guys. I'm not sure if the guys' partners are aware of the situation, or indeed if they know about each other!




Shininglight23 -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/13/2012 11:14:24 PM)

I got a completely different take on the situation than LadyPact.

If you are referencing unavailable men.. who are "sneaking" behind the backs of their other partner... then I would say this.

Some people want to have their cake and eat it too. If you aren't interested in being a "piece on the side" then don't.

Ignore, block, delete. I can't say for certain why some people are like that, but if you're so interested in finding out why... I would ask.

I've been propositioned as such myself... I asked once and the response was... "My wife isn't satisfying my needs.." My answer to him was "Communication is key.. work on it or move on."

If this isn't the type of situation you were referencing.. I apologize.

Could you please clarify?

Allie



MistressDarkArt -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/13/2012 11:16:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

Why would choose to make you the main focus of my life when for you I am way down on the list of commitments.



This would be a perfect reply to send to the married dumb*sses who don't read the qualifiers in your profile. After sending, block (because undoubtedly someone'll get sh*tty about it) and report as spam.



artemiss -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/13/2012 11:16:12 PM)

No, poly isn't my gig.  Been there, done that, and ultimately was unfulfilled.  But even "poly" in the sense that we all love and share each other would be better that what I was trying, (apparently not clearly), to describe.

Was more trying wondering about the woman on the side, discrete relationships, etc.



artemiss -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/13/2012 11:26:14 PM)

Apparently the words I choose are not as clear as the thoughts in my head.  I have no issues with dealing with these type of propositions.  What I am wondering, is why someone would settle or expect another to settle, for being third, forth, fifth, on the totem pole.  So to clarify, this isn't so much about a poly situation where everyone cares for each other, or a submissive who can only commit so much due to other life commitments.  But a Dom/Master expecting to be priority number one, while the submissive falls behind wife, kids, job, etc. 



LadyPact -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/13/2012 11:26:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

No, poly isn't my gig.  Been there, done that, and ultimately was unfulfilled.  But even "poly" in the sense that we all love and share each other would be better that what I was trying, (apparently not clearly), to describe.

Was more trying wondering about the woman on the side, discrete relationships, etc.

In that case, I'm sorry, but I'm really no help at all.

That "on the side" thing doesn't suit Me and I have no experience to share on it.

Stick to your guns, though. From what I see, you can easily find the situation that you want.




Whenready -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/14/2012 12:52:30 AM)

I think you have partly answered your own question. I infer that you want your Dom/Master to be your main focus. Not everyone wants that. Some folk want to fill in the "something missing". Others might find someone who is "unavailable" in your terms, but, for them, a little bit of that person is better than none. Others yet may have low self esteem, so any attention is welcome (again, doesn't sound like you fit in that category).

For you, I would hazard a guess that that someone would have to be so mind blowing that the "little bit" answer would be the nearest that could apply.

I reserve the right to be wrong.



ReMakeYou -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/14/2012 5:18:38 AM)

"Why are people self-centered and greedy?"

Because when the whole cost to them is a few minutes shooting off a message (fewer if they C&P), there's no downside to the spam approach to getting what they want.

And let's be honest. Every dom here would like a harem of subs/slaves. The only question is which ones are realistic enough to know that there's a limit before they can't give each the proper time/attention.



Baroana -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/14/2012 5:23:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou

"Why are people self-centered and greedy?"

Because when the whole cost to them is a few minutes shooting off a message (fewer if they C&P), there's no downside to the spam approach to getting what they want.

And let's be honest. Every dom here would like a harem of subs/slaves. The only question is which ones are realistic enough to know that there's a limit before they can't give each the proper time/attention.



I agree with this guy (for once).



DarkSteven -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/14/2012 5:48:13 AM)

1. Men who cheat in their relationships have no right IMO to call themselves Doms or Masters. They failed the basic integrity test.

2. To answer your question, some women are desperate or have low self esteem. They'd settle for being a dirty little secret and clinging to a few shreds of stolen time here and there as opposed to being single.



DesFIP -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/14/2012 6:31:35 AM)

And some women choose married men deliberately because they get a lot more freedom than when they're with someone 24/7. The guy comes over, they might go out for the evening, she gets her rocks off, and then he goes home and she has her privacy.

I've known several women for whom this is a perfect relationship. She isn't doing his laundry, listening to how his golf game went, etc. Usually, these are older women.



kalikshama -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/14/2012 7:14:53 AM)

quote:

Was more trying wondering about the woman on the side, discrete relationships, etc.


Perhaps the cheating married men in question arrived on this site after reading http://www.submissivewomensecrets.com/



JeffBC -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/14/2012 7:20:32 AM)

I'm trying to sort out what you're asking here... if anything. So you want to know about the reasoning behind why I single woman would want a married male? Go read Doc Cool. Generally it seems to be married women wanting married men but as I remember there were a few singles there too. I suspect you can just post your question there and get some solid answers.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/14/2012 8:39:36 AM)

When I was young, married men were great, for the reasons Des mentioned above. I didn't want a 'relationship', I wanted entertainments, so did they, easy-peasy.

I know too many people who are involved with men that wake up with somebody else. I can't speak to their reasoning, or what their long term goals are. If ALL parties are in on the deal (and I know some of these, too) then great. It's the sneaking, and the DADT that has me sad. Mister fails the integrity test big time. There will be fallout. It won't be pretty.




Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Attached wanting single (7/14/2012 11:45:28 AM)

I've been involved with Married Women twice now. However, I thought it was safe because I myself was not looking for a 24/7 relationship at the time. Both these experiences proved to be interesting, when they started talking about leaving their husbands. I had to put the brakes on things. Just because somebody is Married does not mean, they won't want more.




Silentrunner26 -> RE: Attached wanting single (8/4/2012 9:47:30 PM)

I use to have a friend who was married and also had a Master . Her husband knew and was ok with ti . She loved both but the husband could not give her what she needed as she did for him so he let her have her Master . the same cam be said for a woman . She has a good man who pays all the bills but needs a sub to take care of her . As long as all are happy nothing wrong form what I see .



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Attached wanting single (8/4/2012 10:18:15 PM)

I know there are a lot of married men(and women too) who want to have their cake and eat it too. I have no idea why married people think a single person would want to be with them and be their dirty little secret on the side, but happens on both sides of the kneel.

I've gotten at least my fair share of correspondence from married submissives wanting to be mine. I'm not going to waste my time with a married submissive and get the crumbs when I can have a man in my life I don't have to share with another woman. If he's married, even the crumbs belong to his Mrs.

NBMG



ClassAct2006 -> RE: Attached wanting single (8/4/2012 11:36:24 PM)

One of the nicest things for me about having a dominant boyfriend is having a friend, ultimately integrating them into my life. In a sense it is all about family life, family events, Christmases and Easters and that of course is what the bit on the side, whether male or female, never gets. When you have the leisure to go on a family skiing holiday or whatever your lover would not be able to take part. It seems a recipe for heartache. However anyone my age knows lots of people who have done it. I do, both male and female although I speak to more men than women. He want someone very sub and he hasn't easily found that amongst women who are unmarried. he might not want someone who will pressure him to settle down, he's had his children and wants no more so someone who is with her husband might suit him (although as many say above it can turn nasty - lots of murders even are about sexual jealousy so it's not a risk free game and you hurt others which is the biggest deal really - you hurt children and the lover's spouse).

The bit on the side I suppose gets some attention and may be they are not attractive or good enough to attract anyone single so it is the best they can do. Or perhaps they want a particularly great lover who looks good and is lovely and bright and the potential single partners they can find are not attractive and have lived with mother for 30 years and have no job... so she or he decides part of this great person is better than 100% of these total losers who are my only other choice? Even so I'd rather be single. Why court and have heart ache? People do fall in love with their lover. Actually some but not all persuade the lover away from the spouse so perhaps it is the best way to get a good spouse because you know that person is the married type who work hard, raises a family etc but I think it's a dishonest way to procure a new spouse. Look what happened to Anthea Turner... if you steal a husband and marry that adulterer it is not very surprsing if he does the same again.



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