RE: Maybe I'm not submissive, just confused

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RE: Maybe I'm not submissive, just confused - 7/23/2012 12:06:13 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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That I wasted my time trying to advise you is what *I* find degrading.

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RE: Maybe I'm not submissive, just confused - 7/23/2012 12:08:20 PM

searching4mysir

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DsPet

I'm not a submissive because there's very little about it that I enjoy. I think it's degrading. I'm not judging, I'm just saying that for me it's not the right lifestyle.

What is it that you find degrading?

As a non-masochist involved with a non-sadist, pain is not a part of our dynamic.

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RE: Maybe I'm not submissive, just confused - 7/23/2012 1:02:12 PM

DsPet

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I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't consider any advice I received on here a waste of time. I appreciated everyone's input. My subject line indicated that I didn't know what my tendencies were and I was trying to figure out where all of this was coming from. You helped me as did others. I'm not out to degrade anyone or appear unappreciative. What bothers you? That I decided I'm not a submissive? I admire anyone who discovers their true nature, whatever that is. That's all I was trying to do -- and to understand this "relationship" I found myself in. I apologize if you feel I used you. I don't see it that way.

What I feel about being submissive is a personal thing. Because it's not my choice, it doesn't work with my image of myself. It's just me. Again, I'm not judging anyone else.

< Message edited by DsPet -- 7/23/2012 1:05:16 PM >

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RE: Maybe I'm not submissive, just confused - 7/23/2012 2:19:00 PM

SirLangsdorff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DsPet

During one of our "breaks," I met someone who became a friend. He was married (he lied about it but I found out) and nothing ever happened between us but we became friends anyway. He was very helpful in talking to me about my relationship and, as it turned out, he was a Dom.

I hope you weren't looking to start anything with him, because I would assume you would expect him to be honest about who and what he was. Lying about a relationship isn't good. I know, I live with a habitual liar who I find it hard to believe anything he says, and he knows that, because I told me. He's also an ex-lover that I thought I could change. I failed miserably after 7 long frustrating years.

< Message edited by SirLangsdorff -- 7/23/2012 2:21:55 PM >

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RE: Maybe I'm not submissive, just confused - 7/23/2012 3:49:56 PM

Buzzzz

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JanaX nailed it on each post.

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RE: Maybe I'm not submissive, just confused - 7/23/2012 4:08:36 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

I'm not a submissive because there's very little about it that I enjoy. I think it's degrading. I'm not judging, I'm just saying that for me it's not the right lifestyle.

It doesn't matter to me if you are submissive or not but don't let one failed relationship make up your mind about BDSM. I want to remind you what you said in your first post:

quote:

in this on and off relationship, I had never felt so deeply in love with someone. That all my pleasure came from seeing him happy and content. I had never in my life put someone else's needs above my own, except with my children. It was very new to me and a little unsettling. My friend suggested that I might be a natural submissive. We talked about it a lot and I said that I could not see myself as a submissive to anyone except for a man that I loved that deeply. And even then, it was foreign and somehow wrong to me. Yes, I am one of those strong women in the rest of my life: educated, successful professional in a male-dominated profession. But I also knew that after 20 years of being in control of every aspect of my life, that having someone else be in control of my personal life had its appeal. I have always been attracted to strong alpha males. I just never loved one enough to do anything he wanted of me.

Sounds to me like you might enjoy a relationship without the sadism/masochism/humiliation aspects but which does include dominance and submission.

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RE: Maybe I'm not submissive, just confused - 7/23/2012 11:18:07 PM

Missokyst

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Wanting to make someone happy does not equate to submissive. From my pov I find most people do that in the beginning of a relationship. Its just NRE.
I don't think the woman is sub or maso, just lonely after a broken marriage and looking for something to fill in the space. Practically everyone I know who recently divorced goes through a process of trying to find where they fit.. because they recognise internally something about their last relationship, either their partner or themselves could not make things work.
It is far to early to pigeonhole the OP. Not all of us need kink. But many of us need companionship, even if it means a temporary change in who we are. It doesn't always work. But it takes experience to find that out.

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