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I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 3:20:18 PM

DesiresFury

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What does it mean when your guy says, "I want to be your bitch?" I could never figure that one out.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 3:22:48 PM

littlewonder

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usually means he wants you to force him to have sex however and with whoever you want him to.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 3:23:18 PM

lizi

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It means they want to submit to you. They want you to give orders to them.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 3:31:20 PM

DesiresFury

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Ah, well, I would suck at that. Thank you.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 3:35:33 PM

lizi

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I do too. I'm awesome at following orders though and anticipating what my Dom needs or wants. I do that extremely well. Although I came to this part of me late in life it's like finding the glove that fit me all these years finally.

Maybe do a little soul searching and see if any of this is for you in a different way than you've been trying it so far...? I learned a lot on these boards about everything, and I'm glad for the knowledge. There are some awesome peeps here too, hang out with us.

Hugs....hope things work out for you.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 3:35:34 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesiresFury

What does it mean when your guy says, "I want to be your bitch?" I could never figure that one out.

You should ask your guy what he means when he says that.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 3:38:22 PM

DesiresFury

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@Stef - I did. He wasn't real clear.
@ Lizi - Thank you for your good wishes. It means a lot to me. Maybe I will stick around.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 3:59:54 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesiresFury

What does it mean when your guy says, "I want to be your bitch?" I could never figure that one out.

It means he wants to be objectified more. Maybe you have been trying at "dominating" him but he feels you are doing it for him. He wants to feel more used. Use harsher language. Make him feel like he's property. Be rougher on him.

With men who obviously "want" something but pussyfoot around really spelling it out, if I want to figure out his hot buttons (so I can decide if/how I want to integrate them into my own playstyle on my own terms) I may wait until the heat of the moment, and drill him with questions. For example, he's face down, naked, your straddling him, doing whatever do him, he's obviously hot and bothered and you have him where you want him, you are getting him worked up, because you have used hot button number one:

"You are such a little BITCH, aren't you?"

(he says, getting obviously hot, "yes, I am a bitch!")

You say. "No. You are MY bitch. Understand that, bitch? Say it. Tell me you are MY bitch")

He says, "I am your bitch" (you can tell he is more excited."

You say, "Now tell me. What do nasty bitches like you do?"

What you do here is you keep control but you pull information out of him. He may give the shitty answer, "whatever you want!" or he may confess some wacky fantasy which you can adapt or discard. He may blurt something out you find absurd and wonderful. He may, under duress, confess something you find FANTASTIC, or something you find totally inconsequential but obviously blows his mind, like, stammering, he says, "uhh.....nasty bitches....lick the bottom of shoes..."

And you may think -- well, that's lame, but ok - it obviously gets him worked up, I can use that. You can USE that to get him to do other things, react in other ways, or you can discard it and move on to something else. The thing is, you use your control, and his state of mind, to drill down for information.

When you are sick of him spewing his fantasies, and trust me, he probably won't shut up about them, you gag him with your panties and sit on his face and say, "Ok, enough about you. Let's talk about ME."

And then you really start to have fun. You use some small percentage of what he gets off on to fuel the thing, but you base it around what makes you hot. He just needs the minor carrot; the major carrot, trust me, is you getting off. Everything else (his exact fantasies being met) is gravy.

Akasha

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 4:14:04 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

It means they want to submit to you. They want you to give orders to them.

It also likely means he's been watching a lot of porn fantasies.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 4:26:56 PM

ARIES83

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Yer, if he says something you don't really understand
why don't you ask him "what does that mean?"
A bdsm forum is a shitty substitute for good
communication.

-ARIES

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 4:42:43 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Yer, if he says something you don't really understand
why don't you ask him "what does that mean?"
A bdsm forum is a shitty substitute for good
communication.

-ARIES

Agreed.. might I add even more so when dealing with other peoples outside Point of views, Snarkyness and judgements.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 4:52:18 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Yer, if he says something you don't really understand
why don't you ask him "what does that mean?"
A bdsm forum is a shitty substitute for good
communication.

-ARIES

Agreed.. might I add even more so when dealing with other peoples outside Point of views, Snarkyness and judgements.

Of course, good old fashioned communication is ALWAYS the best route. But the reality is, sometimes total newbies come here because they have NO frame of reference to even start, and yet all of us reading this have LOTS that comes to mind when someone says "what does it mean when he says he wants to be my bitch?" We do have some things to at least give her an idea - maybe right, maybe wrong - about what might be going on.

Also, keep in mind, for couples that struggle (one person or both people) with talking about it first, it could be that she said "what do you mean by that?" and he shut down. It could be that he just avoided it or laughed it off or changed the subject or went sheepishly, "ooohhh you know." There are likely dozens of plausible reasons there wasn't direct open "Hey honey let's sit down and talk about what being a bitch means to you," conversation. Sometimes that kind of frank communication just isn't going on at the very onset of kinky adventures, and it has to be worked up to.

And that's why people start with weird, vague things like, "I want to be treated like your bitch" because they can't quite get their head around how to communicate, "I would like to explore a consensual S&M power exchange relationship with you."

The least we could do is maybe while encouraging people to try to push toward frank communication, share what we generally know "being someone's bitch" tends to look/feel like, so she can put some of the pieces together, and maybe next time he asks, she can clarify if he's not able to talk about it.

I think back to when I was first experimenting with S&M as a teenager. I didn't have a lot of words for what I was doing. Granted I was young and generally inexperienced on a lot of levels about a lot of things, but I would probably be more likely to fumble around on a message board (if it was around at the time) trying to sort out things than blindly experiment like I did, and sometimes direct communication wasn't really an option because I was figuring it out as I went along. And sometimes one, or both of us, was just too shy to talk about it.

Akasha

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 5:16:39 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

It means they want to submit to you. They want you to give orders to them.

It also likely means he's been watching a lot of porn fantasies.

Ah, yes, excellent point my dear Watson.

OP, this is likely very true. And measuring up to porn is a fruitless endeavor. The fact that he wasn't real clear to you on what he meant by the phrase is kind of a tip off that he probably heard it in some FemDomme porn and it flipped his buttons.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 5:22:51 PM

ARIES83

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I hope you two aren't saying Im being snarky
and judgemental... I always say, what does
that mean?' most times I get an answer,
sometimes they shutdown because the see me
asking as a kind of dismissing what they had said.
Sometimes i'll ask even when I understand, just
because I can hah!
"when in doubt ask" is solid gold advice ladies.

-ARIES

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 5:54:45 PM

PeonForHer

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Gawd. Well, Akasha, I think we need more of the stuff you're writing here. Maybe we shouldn't, but we do.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 7:52:03 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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Aakasha, I love that! It sounds yummy, and I might use that on my play partner. hehehe

NBMG

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 8:08:37 PM

xLaChienne

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It can mean a myriad of things and the possibilities are endless.

I've had men saying this to Me or jokingly referring to themselves as My bitch for many, many years. For the most part it revolves around some type of menial labor.

I can understand why people are speculating that it's a porn idiom but I've honestly not experienced it or had it said to Me, even jokingly, in that context among friends and lovers. Likely because it would turn Me right off. Random jerkoffs, perhaps, but I rarely pay them much attention.

AAkasha gave a great example of how to open up the communication lines to get to the bottom of what he means when he says it. Some of the best discussions about uncomfortable or highly intimate topics with previous partners have been when he was sexually distracted so that his barriers were down or when we were doing something else physical, like running or working out. Men tend to relate better and verbalize needs and desires more easily when they are physically doing something as opposed to sitting down, face to face.

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RE: I have one more question please. - 7/14/2012 10:53:34 PM

MissToYouRedux

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