RE: Is This A Relationship Catch 22?

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RE: Is This A Relationship Catch 22? - 6/9/2006 12:51:16 PM

cloudboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterKalif

while I agree that it is a "catch 22" thing, I am here particularly because I can be upfront about what I like...vanilla dating to me never led to me to anything I wanted, and unfortunately, I seem to attract those "good girls" that think that missionary sex is "filthy" or that dont seem to enjoy sex at all....let alone a M/s relationship.....therefore, in this situation, I support the fact that it has to be open s that none of us waste time....however I think you are referring to the fact that the fun of a relationship is getting to know the person, exploring together etc...and as such in this lifestyle you can do that too, you dont have to give away all your preferences I think of right away....I dont know if I explained myself fully.

My point was more that you shouldn't enter relationships expecting/wanting/needing to find a lifetime mate. Better to start out wanting to share or experience something in common (as you expressed) and proceed from there.

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RE: Is This A Relationship Catch 22? - 6/9/2006 1:49:52 PM

JassWolf

Posts: 59
Joined: 4/10/2006
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Assuming you're NOT looking, isn't the idea of a profile to explain to those who care to look that you have a past and that your posts on the message boards are rooted in some sort of experience? ... or maybe to only admit upfront that you're a newbie and looking for guidance?

Assuming you ARE looking, isn't the profile a marketing piece? A way of making you sound interesting, maybe a little different from the other available choices, and maybe worth checking out for a possible "test drive" (as they do in auto commercials)?

If I'm right, I'd suggest to most of the profile writers I've seen that they not quit their day jobs for a career in marketing!

I was looking for someone imaginative, confident, with a sense of humor and an interest (or experience) in submission. It took a long while to find such a woman (who would also be interested in me

), of course, but I found Mine through discussion rather than profiles -- it's really hard to tell much from a shopping list and a picture. Are you really interested in what I've liked BEFORE I met you -- the more interesting question is what we could discover together, isn't it?

JW

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RE: Is This A Relationship Catch 22? - 6/9/2006 2:21:38 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
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When I met my little one neither of us were looking for anything but friendship. both of us were open to other things just not in search of them. Tthings have a way of working out when you relax and just enjoy what life brings your way. We have a thrid now who has become very close to us. We were interested in another joining us but not searching for one. She wasn't looking for anything, especially becoming part of a poly family. Thats just the way things worked out when we were open to anything but looking for nothing.

I do feel sorry for some of the people I've talked to along the way who were wearing their "I am only interested in speaking with the one" blinders. Some of them are miserable and worn out from the constant battle of trying to find that "one", they never take the time to smell the flowers and enjoy themselves along the way. You never know what you might find if you just slow down and appreciate the things this journey brings.

K

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RE: Is This A Relationship Catch 22? - 6/12/2006 9:03:24 PM

beagoodgirl

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/11/2006
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My first posting on this forum.......I have to wholeheartedly agree with your comment and further to that end - people are not mind readers.....you can be a martyr and not ask for what you desire and then complain because you are not fullfilled or you can be honest, ask for what you desire and trust the other person enough to either be able to meet those needs or not. I understand that it may not be that cut and dry - but it sure makes the process easier to be up front.

I have found that the best dialogues and relationships have been when I have been completely honest a) with myself about what I desire, and b) communicated it without holding back......the feedback is almost always positive and at least there are no expectations that cannot possibly be met becasue they haven't been communicated and no fear of suddenly having to communicate something that may be a deal breaker after investing time and effort into developing a "relationship" (be it on line, telephone, a few initital dates) etc.....when if communicated initially would have resulted in a lot less wasted time and effort.....

Ok - done babbling - just my 2 cents (ok 4 cents)......thanks for reading....
b

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RE: Is This A Relationship Catch 22? - 6/12/2006 9:53:56 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JassWolf

Assuming you're NOT looking, isn't the idea of a profile to explain to those who care to look that you have a past and that your posts on the message boards are rooted in some sort of experience? ... or maybe to only admit upfront that you're a newbie and looking for guidance?

Assuming you ARE looking, isn't the profile a marketing piece? A way of making you sound interesting, maybe a little different from the other available choices, and maybe worth checking out for a possible "test drive" (as they do in auto commercials)?

If I'm right, I'd suggest to most of the profile writers I've seen that they not quit their day jobs for a career in marketing!

I was looking for someone imaginative, confident, with a sense of humor and an interest (or experience) in submission. It took a long while to find such a woman (who would also be interested in me ), of course, but I found Mine through discussion rather than profiles -- it's really hard to tell much from a shopping list and a picture. Are you really interested in what I've liked BEFORE I met you -- the more interesting question is what we could discover together, isn't it?

JW

Well, I'm one that prefers to know before I meet you. If I wanted just a date, I'd be offline on a date. At least I'd already know there was some sort of connection with the person offline, we liked what we see from across the room, there's a connection. That does not mean he's not going to say ewwwww when I start telling him what I want. I've already gone that route often enough. At this time, I choose not to date, then get involved because he's a great person, yet also strictly vanilla. I see that as setting myself up for not being as happy as I could be. I also choose to not get involved with someone whose kink I'm never ever going to agree to satisfy. That's unfair to him and real unfair to me if he chose to try to make me feel guilty about it way into the relationship, or sought it out from another, because he wasn't getting what he wanted at home.
This way of looking is just a means to work backwards, so to speak. So yes, tell me upfront, then if it does work out that we meet offline, if there is a connection, then we go from there. All the other things in life are great little fun things to find out about.

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RE: Is This A Relationship Catch 22? - 6/12/2006 10:05:46 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
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Yes, some of them are unhappy. I can say that I'm fine with looking for what I'm looking for and content in the fact that I can be happy with myself all by myself, if he's not out there. I have a great family, I have great friends, life is good.

~Big

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