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Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 9:41:10 AM   
DesiresFury


Posts: 28
Joined: 7/14/2012
Status: offline 		Has anybody read this book? 'Different Loving'. And is it a true representation of the D&S world?
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RE: Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 9:51:31 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I did, years ago, when I was first starting out. I liked it then, but to be honest, it was so long ago I couldn't possibly say whether or not I would now feel it relevant.

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 9:57:29 AM   
MsGypsey


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline 		I read Different Loving and Loving Dominance about 12 years ago. I bought them both at the same time, but I don't remember the details either. I can't say if it was a 'true' representation, but it was an individual's take on D/s relationships and dynamics. They made me feel that if such books were being written and published, then there were more people like me out there. So it wasn't so much the content of either book, but that there was a relevant market for it - thus 'normalising' what was going on for me at the time.

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 10:00:22 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I read Different Loving....don't remember it. I read the Loving Dominant and I don't remember the details, but remember it having a positive impact that what I wanted did and could exist.

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 10:02:14 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5172
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I've read the book. I think it is pretty accurate in the areas that it covers. However, it does not take into consideration all the variations and motives of everyone who lives a BDSM lifestyle. There were parts of the book with which I did not agree. Basically it is the opinion of the researcher based on interviews of people. As such the book will always reflect the personal opinions and motives of the author. The author only interviewed and got feedback from those who would support the author's point of view.

The people interviewed are from the old CompuServce adult forums. From what I understand at one time CompuServe adult forums were THE place for kinkiy people to meet and discuss issues. The CompuServe forums were actually owned by private individuals. The people who owned that particular adult forum were sex researchers and they are mentioned in the book. I forget the one researcher but his wife is Martha.

In those forums there would be discussions planned for groups. An example would be adult babies. You had to write in to get permission to join in the discussion in the forum. That way the mere wankers were kept away. You also had to ask permission to join certain specialityforums so that you could access them at all.

I actually joined CompuServe a bit late to be really involved in the forum. I joined when CompuServe offered a $400 rebate if you bought a new computer and agreed to use the as your ISP for 3 years. The book was based on interviews done before that time.

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 11:13:19 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
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From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesiresFury
Has anybody read this book? 'Different Loving'. And is it a true representation of the D&S world?

I would say it accurately represents a lot of different slices of the kink community. It was very clearly focused on sexual dominance and submission. I think it's not bad reading for someone to get at least a glimpse of the playing field. But it's only a glimpse and even then of only one portion of the entire field.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 11:53:13 AM   
DesiresFury


Posts: 28
Joined: 7/14/2012
Status: offline 		Ok. Thank you all.

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 1:38:15 PM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		Just to add to the above comments:

Anything you read is really only going to have a limited point of view and usually based on the perspective of the author. When it comes to BDSM and all the different flavors and variations there are, you really need to decide what's true for your situation and what applies to you and your interests and goals.
Early on in my D/s discovery I bought a (signed) copy of and read "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns". Because I was new, I drank it up like it was lifewater, poking my husband every few paragraphs and going "Hey this IS IT!" Even though it's a great book, good for a newbie for sure, some of the things in it may no longer apply to me. At this point in my life, I should probably give it another skim over, but it's not really neccessary. Everything in it, whether good advice or not, was written from the authors point of view.
Though there are plenty of educational sources, plenty of classes, plenty of folks willing and happy to teach...you need to find whatever flavor of it all interests and excites <you> It's perfectly ok to take little bits and pieces from every direction and put together your very own unique recipe of BDSM and call it your own.

Anyway, I just thought I'd throw my .02 cents in the pot and let you stir it a little bit ;)

Lucifyre

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 5:04:24 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I sheepishly admit that I haven't read any of the above-mentioned books. YET. I will someday.

NBMG

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 5:13:34 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesiresFury
Has anybody read this book? 'Different Loving'. And is it a true representation of the D&S world?

I would say it accurately represents a lot of different slices of the kink community. It was very clearly focused on sexual dominance and submission. I think it's not bad reading for someone to get at least a glimpse of the playing field. But it's only a glimpse and even then of only one portion of the entire field.



Agreed. I've read it and my thoughts on it are the same.

(See how I've greatly contributed to this discussion? :)

< Message edited by Kaliko -- 7/17/2012 5:30:25 PM >

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 5:46:25 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
(See how I've greatly contributed to this discussion? :)

Hey! I think agreeing with me greatly contributes to ANY conversation I'm a part of... and probably most conversations I'm not a part of too. So thank you for your valuable contribution.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Different Loving. - 7/17/2012 6:12:05 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Read it years ago, shrugged, gave it away, was no use to me whatsoever.

I've read all the "must read" and "popular" bdsm books. Used to have a shelf full of them but I never found a single one to be useful in any way to me.

I'd rather live my life in the way my partner and I feel is comfortable for us, not what some book or group of people tell us.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/17/2012 6:13:40 PM >

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/18/2012 5:19:54 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		Back in the day, they gave a reading at Tower Books in NYC. It was massively attended. I asked Phil how to get kinky girl friends without putting it out there that you were a perv and then having that get around. Phil said no risk, no perv. So obvious, but so very true. They seemed like great people doing this very nervy thing with real verve.

The book had an example of humiliation play that was the least hot I have ever heard. A guy would grasp his slave's nose and the girl would have to say beep-beep like in a road runner cartoon. Over all, stuff like that made the book another "they're all crazy like in The Secretary" black eye on S+M.

But then again, Gay people used to always be portrayed as tortured and conflicted about sucking a dick, so maybe S+M people have to wear the hair shirt of "crazy" to be even palatable for bare awareness with the general public.

< Message edited by Salinedion -- 7/18/2012 5:23:12 AM >

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/18/2012 7:21:13 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesiresFury

Has anybody read this book? 'Different Loving'. And is it a true representation of the D&S world?


I read it years ago" and is one of if not my favorite read of lifestyle books. I enjoyed the multiple perspectives on the various topics that the book introduced.

Two things I took away from the book...

There is no one way or true way to enjoy anything in this lifestyle!

And

There is alot more to this lifestyle than what I myself engage in.



A closed mind is an awful thing!

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/18/2012 1:57:47 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		When Glory Brame (and Will, and whatisname) wrote _Different Loving_, the only other book out there was Jay Wisemans SM101 (more-or-less just about technique), which at that time, he was self publishing at kinkos (really- my copy is a "Comb Bound" edition, with no ISBN, and a Construction paper cover). Someone publishing an actual, factual study of the topic was a pretty major thing.

M.Glory went on to found the first serious internet (actually, proto WWW) bulletin board on Compuserve, HSX Section 13B.

Because it was written pre-internet (and the attendant explosion in popularity of SM), it is a little dated, but it offers a fairly subjective veiw of the subject, from a time before the term 'BDSM' was coined.

I'd consider it required reading for anyone who takes this stuff seriously.

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/18/2012 10:11:03 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

When Glory Brame (and Will, and whatisname) wrote _Different Loving_,


That would be William and Gloria Brame, as well as the (now deceased) Jon Jacobs.

Just for the record.

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/19/2012 8:17:26 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		M.Marc-

Thanks- those books are on my NY bookshelf, and I am here in VA, and I couldn't recall M.Jacobs name for the life of me. In our overlapping circle of friends, M.Gloria was known as 'Glory B.'.

Lawrence

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/19/2012 9:04:27 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I haven't read it. When MP and I started poly, we kind of did it on a wing and a prayer.

It's kind of bad ju ju to name folks who aren't participating on a thread, but if you go to the poly forum and type "Different Loving" into the search box, you'll see some folks who have read it.



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RE: Different Loving. - 7/19/2012 2:17:23 PM   
DesiresFury


Posts: 28
Joined: 7/14/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks, y'all.

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RE: Different Loving. - 7/20/2012 8:21:31 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Read it.
Liked it.

It was a personal peek into several different types of kink. I really liked the interviews.

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