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Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 1:46:54 AM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

I have read lately the type of D/s where a Sub is
Protected/sheltered by the Dom referred to as
"parent - child D/s" im also assuming this involves
the sub having little say in decision making ect...

There has been a noticeable diffrence in the point of
view of Dommes and Doms and I was wondering if
theres an inherent diffrence in the relationship caused
by sex (male/female dom).
Are there any Dommes who would say they have a
Parent/child type model?

I don't see a protected/sheltered sub as a sudo-child,
but I do think that maybe men have a greater tendency
to want to protect/shelter their sub than a Domme,
am I wrong? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

In my view...
In a practical sense control comes hand
in hand with responsibility and to have total control
encompasses a wider sphere than just the Sub
There is planing for the future, seeing and being
prepared for problems that may crop up, insuring
cashflow, shelter and protection, security for your
family and belongings/property.
Is this a more male view?

With the alternative type of D/s relationship mentioned
in another post being that of a Rockstar/Assistant,
I am seeing this as more about being incharge and
looked after but by someone who in essence works for
you for free and whose wellbeing is of a lesser importance
than your own. I'm assuming that planing for the future
would be in the hands of the "assistant" freeing up the
"Rockstar" from having to worry about to much.
Do a lot of Dommes relate to this?

-ARIES

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530 DAYS

Post #: 1

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 2:18:06 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

I think these are really good questions but I can't really answer them with anything but terribly gross generalizations since it's so much about the energy that my partners and I create together.

I will say that I'm open to pretty much every sort of dynamic.. but it's going to flow in the direction that energy dictates.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 2

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 2:28:24 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
There has been a noticeable diffrence in the point of
view of Dommes and Doms and I was wondering if
theres an inherent diffrence in the relationship caused
by sex (male/female dom).
Are there any Dommes who would say they have a
Parent/child type model?

I am a sub but I have been in realtionships with both male and female dominants and I would say it depends on the person not the gender. I have had more nurturing elements with both male and female dominants. I haven't really noticed an inherent difference aside from the fact that one has a penis and one has a vagina.

As Bita said, it depends more on the way that the two people relate to each other.

_____________________________

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Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 3

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 6:29:11 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I am no one's mom. I am an adult, enaging with other adults. No one who is with me gets to check their brain at the door, and there is no abrogation of responsibility.

None of that cancels out my deeply loving nature, or means that I want someone to take care of me for free--and Aries, where does that mention of remuneration pop up? Are female subs 'paid' in some fashion for what they do? Any successful relationship is going to be mutually beneficial.

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Post #: 4

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 6:56:52 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
I don't see a protected/sheltered sub as a sudo-child, but I do think that maybe men have a greater tendency to want to protect/shelter their sub than a Domme,
am I wrong? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

I would not accept ANY person in my close intimate circle -- especially not my one and only life mate -- who did not have a strong urge to protect me and protect the pack. I think the kinds of things i need to be protected from are different than the kinds of things Carol does. Carol is not my employee. Carol is not my child. She is my mate. I don't really understand the need to make an analogy to some other thing.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 5

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 7:17:49 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Agreeing with Jeff. I would go to the wall for him, he had better be the same about me.

Leading means, well, *leading*. Having the final say doesnt mean that I am the total expert on everything all the time.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 6

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 8:08:48 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I think your assumption that any relationship with parent/child overtones means the sub has no decision making power should be reexamined. Needing a feeling of emotional protection is quite different than not being able to think logically.

I don't know any rockstars but I do know CEOs and their executive assistants. The assistant's well being is of paramount importance to the CEO as otherwise she can't do what is needed to allow him to keep on top of his responsibilities. As far as planning for the future, that's his job.

I haven't had a female dominant and I'm still in my first d/s relationship so I can't tell what's more common to one sex or the other. Or if there is any divide.

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Post #: 7

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 9:05:45 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I think your assumption that any relationship with parent/child overtones means the sub has no decision making power should be reexamined. Needing a feeling of emotional protection is quite different than not being able to think logically.

I don't know any rockstars but I do know CEOs and their executive assistants. The assistant's well being is of paramount importance to the CEO as otherwise she can't do what is needed to allow him to keep on top of his responsibilities. As far as planning for the future, that's his job.

I haven't had a female dominant and I'm still in my first d/s relationship so I can't tell what's more common to one sex or the other. Or if there is any divide.

There ya go.

Though I would say that most people need that feeling of emotional protection, regardless of orientation.

_____________________________

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Post #: 8

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 9:11:11 AM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

I cant answer that -
What I do know, is the Doms I tend to kick it with, the parent-child thing is the LAST thing theyre looking for.
I like people that have their "own stuff to do" as do I.
The last thing I want to have happen is that if the relationship busts up, that I am so co-dependant on them - that Im unable to function properly with them gone. What a scary thought!!

< Message edited by JanahX -- 7/19/2012 9:28:04 AM >

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

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Post #: 9

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 9:14:13 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

No, we don't have a parent/child dynamic.

Now, ask Me if I protect him.

The urge to protect is not a male centered vibe when it comes to Dominants. It may benefit you to get to know some Dommes.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 10

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 9:30:21 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The urge to protect is not a male centered vibe when it comes to Dominants. It may benefit you to get to know some Dommes.

... and submissives. I was laughing with Carol about this just a second ago. I said something like...

You know. If I wanted to cause a scene at some random BDSM event one of the first things that would occur to me is to tell some random sub that their dom was not dominant or not honorable or whatever. I think the protective urge would be QUITE predictable.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 9:46:13 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I believe that the way a person views life and people often affects the way they see things around them. While there are many examples of not only the two examples Aries has provided, there are many other dynamics that could be used as examples. (Don't worry or get excited, I won't attempt to use them!)

I am no rock-star! I don't want anyone trying to make me one either. At the same time, I am no mommy. Either can be rather offensive on certain levels as they both put a domina in a box and our email boxes are filled with those wishing we fit that box.

I am Lockit and I have many titles, positions, characteristics, traits, etc that make me the person that I am. I use what I see in life and people to often times determine what I do in life and with people and then I have those solid ground areas where I stand firmly and will not budge on. There have been times when I did all the things Aries mentions in how he views a male dominant. There are times when I have been less instrumental in providing those things, however, I am still in charge of them. There is no rock-star view, but there can be an assistant. Hell, I can be an assistant. You cannot sum me up by any of these things, because I don't believe I am this or that totally. Many things within or about me are flexible and I have found in life because it is expansive, it is best to be flexible. The one thing I am not flexible in, is that I tend to choose relationships where I am in charge and that means in all things, though I may delegate responsibility or activities.

I was recently told that I couldn't be a domina to someone because I wasn't in a position to be a dominant. I had to laugh a bit. If one views being dominant as having to be the provider of all things, then to them I wouldn't be a dominant. Nor would half the men out there that are dominant. We would have a ruling class of people that were well off enough to do away with the two income societal needs that tend to be more common and they would have the power within a relationship they could cast aside, to ruin a person if that person accepted the position. I take care of myself. Not real well, as I am ill, but I am always working on it. I get offers of assistance and at times I have needed it, but for the most part, if I can't do it or provide it, I don't expect someone else to provide it. I will live within my means. I have lived as sole provider for a couple of my men and have been a major provider in a few relationships. I have been provided for during times when I was a new mother or ill, but those moments have been more rare. What I do in life depends on life and what is going on in it.

I don't think in this day and age that it is real wise, unless someone is very wealthy and that wealth cannot be lost, that someone should depend upon another for provision. Too many relationships break up and there are many considerations that make this risky. I do believe that as a dominant, I am responsible and accountable for making all life decisions for present time and the future and I plan accordingly. When I decide things, I do get my partners take on most things and then I make the final decision. I don't see a partner as anything other than a partner fulfilling the partnership we have determined works for us. I will no more place a partner or prospective in a box, than I want them putting me into one.

The difference between male and female domination, can quite simply be... in the perception and adding people to a perception that have nothing in common. For example... comparing lifestyle domina's to findoms, the princess or the rock-star and will confuse a great many things. Just as perceiving a dominant as provider of all things listed in the op, as a daddy or mommy. Taking one thing said by someone can be another example. I take care of my partners just as much as they take care of me. If you want to see a protector... take a shot in life at my partner and see what wicked red-head monster you have before you. I am also very accountable and have no problem with that expectation as I am most serious about my own accountability than anyone could be, but so should my partner.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 11:12:48 AM

punisher440

Posts: 4122
Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline

There isn't a whole lot I can add to this after reading Lockit's and the other posters.From my p.o.v. the core of most M/s or D/s is there has to be a caring going both ways...at least for the relationship to last.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 13

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 1:07:12 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I have read lately the type of D/s where a Sub is
Protected/sheltered by the Dom referred to as
"parent - child D/s" im also assuming this involves
the sub having little say in decision making ect...

I don't think that all relationships that have a "protection/sheltering" vibe going on are necessarily parent/child style relationships. Plenty are... but I think you can have one without the other.

quote:

There has been a noticeable diffrence in the point of
view of Dommes and Doms and I was wondering if
theres an inherent diffrence in the relationship caused
by sex (male/female dom).
Are there any Dommes who would say they have a
Parent/child type model?

I don't see a protected/sheltered sub as a sudo-child,
but I do think that maybe men have a greater tendency
to want to protect/shelter their sub than a Domme,
am I wrong? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

So now we've two riffs going on - parent/child and protected/sheltered.

I think it probably is fair to say that as a general rule men are more likely to tend towards protecting / sheltering. It's also probably fair to say that men are more likely to tend towards dominating.

But, just look at the dominant chicks on this board... holy moley!

There's also the classic gender stereotype - the paternal authority figure etc.

But... I'm pretty sure that there must be some maternal types out there too..

quote:

In my view...
In a practical sense control comes hand
in hand with responsibility and to have total control
encompasses a wider sphere than just the Sub
There is planing for the future, seeing and being
prepared for problems that may crop up, insuring
cashflow, shelter and protection, security for your
family and belongings/property.
Is this a more male view?

Stereotypically, I think yes. Mars <--> Venus etc.

quote:

With the alternative type of D/s relationship mentioned
in another post being that of a Rockstar/Assistant,
I am seeing this as more about being incharge and
looked after but by someone who in essence works for
you for free and whose wellbeing is of a lesser importance
than your own. I'm assuming that planing for the future
would be in the hands of the "assistant" freeing up the
"Rockstar" from having to worry about to much.
Do a lot of Dommes relate to this?

-ARIES

Sorry - lost you here.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 14

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 3:43:38 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Hmm, referring to those two different dynamics
as parent/child and rockstar/assistant weren't my
terminology, i just borrowed them to save me
thinking up my own.
I have no doubt that a protective dominant female
partner would jump to a subs defence, I don't
understand what type of description for the
Rockstar/assistant relationship people would use so
I made up my own without really knowing what it
was suppose to be.

Now that i've explored it a bit I don't think theres to
much of a difference except in the person looking at
it.
I think it may be an unnecessary sidetrack from the
Taking responsibility thread...

quote:

quote: LadyHib

I am no one's mom. I am an adult, enaging with other adults. No one who is with me gets to check their brain at the door, and there is no abrogation of responsibility.

None of that cancels out my deeply loving nature, or means that I want someone to take care of me for free--and Aries, where does that mention of remuneration pop up? Are female subs 'paid' in some fashion for what they do? Any successful relationship is going to be mutually beneficial.

I just find it interesting that from what i've gleaned
so far, Dommes are very specific when it comes to
saying they want a adult and the other person is
responsible for their failures and while that sentiment
is there in Doms as well, I think there is a proportion
that also can readily accept a Sub as not being totaly
responsible in so much as a sheep being responsible
for where its led by the shepherd.

And I am absolutely not going to get in to a Findom
debate Hib! Haha, it was just a random turn of phrase

quote:

quote: JeffBC
I would not accept ANY person in my close intimate circle -- especially not my one and only life mate -- who did not have a strong urge to protect me and protect the pack. I think the kinds of things i need to be protected from are different than the kinds of things Carol does. Carol is not my employee. Carol is not my child. She is my mate. I don't really understand the need to make an analogy to some other thing.

I'm not towing the "parent/child" line, I didn't think
it was accurate when I first heard it. I probably should
have thought up my own wording to begin with instead
of using those ones.
As for using analogies, I do that. I know it' not the
best tool sometimes since, what do you compare
something unique to?
I'd be interested in your opinion of what I said to Hib,
try and ignore the analogy haha.

quote:

Quote: Desfip
I think your assumption that any relationship with parent/child overtones means the sub has no decision making power should be reexamined. Needing a feeling of emotional protection is quite different than not being able to think logically.

I don't know any rockstars but I do know CEOs and their executive assistants. The assistant's well being is of paramount importance to the CEO as otherwise she can't do what is needed to allow him to keep on top of his responsibilities. As far as planning for the future, that's his job.

Good reply, i'd be interested in your opinion on
the following.
A sub having no desision making power is a bit
to black and white, i believe there is a common thing
where a Sub will defer to the Dom, that a significant
trust hurdle in many relationships is trusting that the
Dom's decision is the right one and he is leading.
A Sub surrendering the decision making initiative
in favour of taking a back seat.
I'm sure a lot of people here do make decisions for
their sub and a lot of subs would go along with their
Doms decisions?
Couldn't you say, "decision making power" is something
that can be surrendered to the Dom?

I'm a little burnt out on replying to stuff, sorry I can't
address everyone theres some good points, Ladypact,
yes I would like to get to know some Dommes as I know
exactly zero atm.
Lockit, I always enjoy reading your posts, you've got a
great point of view.
Crazyml, it's ok I lost myself two hah.

-ARIES

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 15

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 4:25:37 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
I just find it interesting that from what i've gleaned so far, Dommes are very specific when it comes to saying they want a adult and the other person is responsible for their failures and while that sentiment is there in Doms as well, I think there is a proportion that also can readily accept a Sub as not being totaly
responsible in so much as a sheep being responsible for where its led by the shepherd.

Honestly, I don't think this has much to do with genders, I think it has to do with the amount and type of control being wielded. In truth, my suspicion is that I'd probably end up agreeing with more of the Dommes than Doms on this point IF we could actually talk about it over a coffee table.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 16

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 4:31:43 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
No, we don't have a parent/child dynamic.

Now, ask Me if I protect him.

The urge to protect is not a male centered vibe when it comes to Dominants. It may benefit you to get to know some Dommes.

This. ^^^ Exactly. I'm not a Mommy Domme type. I know some ladies who are. BUT, yes, I will protect any sub of mine like a mother bear. I expect him to do the same for me. I think some male Doms really need to get to know some Dommes, because we are not very well-understood by the Dominant guys out there.

NBMG

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Post #: 17

RE: Diffrence between male & female domination. - 7/19/2012 5:28:51 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

...male Doms really need to get to know some Dommes, because we are not very well-understood by the Dominant guys out there.

NBMG

There's hope, NBMG. Cryptic says we make fun acquaintances.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 18

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