RE: Kink - now that you've found it

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/23/2012 5:38:52 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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Yep me too. I am pretty vanilla ( boring) in most of my life. If anyone wanted to spy on us for our kinky ways they had better bring a book for entertainment. I am cleaning house, cooking and taking care of my children and husband all day

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/23/2012 5:43:47 PM

sheisreeds

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I think I get the question.

If the OP is asking about the day to day interpersonal actions, no I'm never going back.

I get taunted, called names, spanked, threatened with gross shit, and I give death stares and my own little forms of torture on a daily basis.

I don't know if I could go back to making dinner without getting a smack on the ass. That kind of stuff is important. My relationship is very playful, only my kinky relationships have had that factor to them. My vanilla marriage did not.

That being said so much is about the person I'm with. I'm certain there are plenty of kinky people who wouldn't heckle me during day to day activities. There are probably a few vanilla people who would in a non-abusive way.

I didn't realize how important the little stuff was since my first few relationships were kinky, without tryin', I just have a knack for seducing sickos ;)

Then I ended up in the vanilla marriage, and just felt myself dying off.

My relationship doesn't have protocols, it's not super edgy all the time, but there is an essence to it that is not "the norm". And yeah I like missionary too, but I don't think that position was designed with hair pulling, scratching, face slapping, and being pinned to the bed. The speed, force, and overall level of violence was likely not the design.

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/23/2012 6:32:16 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmissdefiant

I have been thinking alot lately (I do that) and i realized that now that I have kink in my life I don't think I could revert back to being "vanilla"
I'm not referring to play sessions or the Dynamic that comes along with it. I'm referring to the little every day things in my life that now have a certain "kink" twist to them.

My question to the forum populous is;

Now that you have it/ had it, could you go back to being "vanilla" or "normal"?

I really don't think of my day to day life as having a "kink twist" but it might just be a matter of perspective or wording.

I have no idea what the future holds; I never thought I'd be living as I currently do (which I'm loving), so anything can happen. However, it's in my nature to submit to the man I'm in love with, so unless I get rewired somehow, I don't see that changing in the near future.

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/23/2012 8:31:47 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xLaChienne

The question makes the assumption that there was a time when it didn't exist in My relationships.

For Me, this is a normal relationship. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

It's not something that I found. It's something that put a name to how I already maneuvered and handled relationships and sex from My first one on.

^^^This^^^

That said, I happen to be dating a vanilla at the moment. Though not specific details, I've told him about my lifestyle proclivities. He's clueless what that could actually mean to him, but he agreed to fill out a checklist to open further discussion.

If the kink/dynamic doesn't fly, I'll still see him. I'm not currently interested in seeking a long-term love relationship so I'll enjoy his company whichever way it meanders. If I feel like getting my domme on, there are no shortage of boys for that.

S'all good.

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/23/2012 8:41:03 PM

littlewonder

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I guess I just don't understand sheisreeds. I mean I was married and even though he was the head of the household, we had never even heard of bdsm but we were always playful and having fun and even pinching each other's but, pretending we were picking out a slut at a bar for each other, lol....just stupid stuff, but the rest of the time was spent raising our daughter, going to ob appts, taking care of military stuff before he left for a cruise, paying the bills, writing out checks, washing clothes and making sure they were ironed prim and proper, his shoes shined, etc...

And Master and I's life really isn't much different. He teases me, I tease him, we like to have fun, today we went to the movies and he helped me with some medical stuff and I went shopping afterwards to buy him a few things I knew we needed for the house. Yeah, he pinched and poked me from time to time but I've had that kind of stuff in all my relationships both "vanilla" and "bdsm".

I guess I just don't understand what people mean when they say they could never be "vanilla" again.

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/23/2012 8:53:58 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I guess I just don't understand what people mean when they say they could never be "vanilla" again.

I interpret it as being in a relationship in which one person does not hold all of the authority.

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/23/2012 8:57:55 PM

littlewonder

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well then I guess I've never had a "vanilla" relationship and neither did my parents or grandparents or great grandparents, etc...lol

Then again I'm pretty old fashioned and I really don't understand modern love.

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/23/2012 11:34:32 PM

graceadieu

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Well, I wasn't really ever vanilla to begin with. I always knew I needed to submit - it was just a matter of figuring out what that meant and how to get it.

I'm pretty sure I could go back to being satisfied with a relationship that only had D/s in the bedroom, or a kink-friendly vanilla poly relationship in addition to a D/s one. But I'd rather be single than exclusively/primarily date someone vanilla. It just doesn't work for me.

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/24/2012 12:53:04 AM

Kana

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Me, I have little affinity to sex without a power exchange involved. It's, well, kinda vanilla. Bland, boring, lacks spice and pizazz. I need to hear her scream a bit...or at least make that mewling sound I love so much.

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/24/2012 3:43:04 PM

stellauk

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For me it's just a matter of being myself and perspective.

My life to me is still vanilla, it's everybody else who tends to refer to it as kink.

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/24/2012 7:48:21 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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LOL several of my friends have been known to tell me to get my head out of the gutter.

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RE: Kink - now that you've found it - 7/24/2012 7:57:13 PM

lizi

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If I have a relationship with someone I love who is vanilla, I'd be fine with that and I was for 17 years. My submissive personality won't change, I'll still deal with life the way I do, it's not like if there is no kink in my life then I change into someone else. I still relate to the world as a submissive woman and always have, even before I knew what I was doing. So the only thing that would change for me is having an outlet to be kinky in the bedroom, and have a formal D/s structure to my relationship if I have one. I can live without the bedroom kink, and without having a relationship as a 'submissive'. I have before and I did fine- dare I say I was very happy.

Kink is nice to have, don't get me wrong, but there's no way I'd walk away from a good relationship because it wasn't kinky. I am happy with my life in general, I live it in a way that fulfills my personal need to give and take care of others no matter who is sharing it with me. Sex to me is fun regardless if it involves kink or not. It's not like I have vanilla sex and afterward lie there thinking of how bad it was. To me sex is sex, it's got my interest and participation just by being sex. Just like food is food. It's nice to have wonderful food/sex, but its not absolutely necessary to me. Plus sometimes who is to say your basic food like comfort food isn't just as good as a gourmet meal? It, whatever it is, doesn't always have to be stupendous to make me happy. I've lived enough to know that reaching the level of 'good' in most things means a pretty constant supply of happiness.

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