Lucylastic
Posts: 40310
Status: offline
|
I cant help it, Im loving the piss taking on 50 shades of Grey.
Its reached the UK and some alternative versions have turned up from family and friends over there.
I thought I would share a couple just for the fun of it. Ive added translations for the US readers(If I get any wrong, Im sure someone will put me right)
Please dont take this is any other way than tongue in cheek.
50 shades of Chav(1)
As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest (2), his smile told me it was benefit day(3) and I knew my vel...our tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight."
"It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time."
"Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you"
"As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa(4).
I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland(5). He had tied up his Staffy(6) to block the alleyway so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same."
"My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had fucked his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods.
He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy cunt. It stung but I liked it. I shouted "again again" so he carried on. I thought my shell suit(7) would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix(8) toothed smile. He even had a semi on which rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erection.
1 White trash
2 Expensive brand name wife beater tshirt
3 Welfare payment day
4 Body Spray for men *reeks*
5 Frozen food shop
6 Pitbull/stafordshire terrier
7 Brightly coloured polyester tracksuit
8 Breakfast cereal
50 Shades of Birmingham
"Friday afternoon and the weekend has started, I am In such a good mood, on my way home from the Social with a Crisis Loan, so It looks like a lemon sesh tonight. I see a lad In the Bus Station, shaved head and off white Adidas trackies tucked Into Donnay socks, the look polished off with scuffed brown Rockport boots and a Henleys T-Shirt.
As I got closer the Lynx effect took over, I could not resist the scent of Drum Tobacco and Eau De Old Spice. He looked at me and I got so wet. I girlishly rolled back my Juicy Coture hoody sleeves to reveal my very feminine full sleeve tattoo. The bus arrives as he walks towards me, In his hand he had a brand new Blackberry, fuck me he must be loaded.
"Alright love" he says In a boyish way, I feel my face go warm, I turn slightly crimson but I plucked up the courage and opened my mouth, the words that followed shocked even myself. "Bus Station toilets?" I couldn't believe what I said, he looked me up and down as I kicked the floor
In my clapped out Ugg boots and bit my lip. Five minutes had passed and to my shock here we are, It was so romantic, the flashing fluorescent tubes on the ceiling, piss soaked floor and the stentch to match. We walk Into a cubicle and he drops his kecks, the sight was to die for, I Ignored the smell and latched on to It like a baby on a nipple.
He was so gentle he only made me gag twice. I gasp for air wiping the spit from my face smudging my fake tan. He pulls my leggings down and gently bends me over the toilet, the seats missing but I didn't care, I feel him Insert his schlong Into my soggy gash. After at least forty seconds I hear him groan as he shoots his muck In me. Thank fuck I am on the pill I thought. He quickly pulls up his pants saying his bus Is due and as I spark up a Lambert & Butler I feel so alive.....
Authors Unknown, but much appreciated
_____________________________
(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \
\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \
(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \
Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love
|
50 shades of Chav and Birmingham(UK) - 
Profile
RE: 50 shades of Chav and Birmingham(UK) - 
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread