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Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 12:03:47 PM   
pathfinder75


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/20/2012
Status: offline 		My sub is addicted to sex and when we first got together, I gave her explicit instructions not to be on the internet trolling for random guys for sex. After 3 months together, I found her on Fetlife.com and she has a Master in another state.
My question to the Masters out there - Should I get rid of her and let her Master of another state know what is going on? Or do I just get rid of her and not say anything.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 12:27:24 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		So, how have you tried to help her with her addiction to sex?

Because, honestly, you clearly knew this at the beginning and if your only contribution was telling her to not be an addict, then you're equally culpable for the failure. When you knowingly become involved with someone that is an addict, you had best be prepared to offer support towards the healing process.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/23/2012 12:56:59 PM >

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RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 12:33:35 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Take her on a one way ride and dump her.

Or both of you take her to a tattoo parlour have her pussy marked withthe words " I tell lies"
Then have her cunt pierced and locked up.

She may be the best piece of ass in the world but she can no longer be trusted.



_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

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RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 12:48:04 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Um, your profile states that you are single and looking for subs. I question the strength of the relationship.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 12:48:50 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Sounds like it is a vicious cycle, meaning, if you get rid of her, she will probably go to the master she has on fetlife, then do the same thing to him. Regardless of her sexual addiction, she seems to have issues deeper than that. You can either talk to her about it and try to work from there, or send her packing. If you do decide to keep her, maybe paying a bit more attention to what your slave is doing might help.

_____________________________

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The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 1:53:52 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I'm not really surprised she failed in your explicit instructions not to indulge in her addiction, it's an addiction. That means to me that it's a life-disrupting mode of behavior that is not in her best interest, but she's about powerless to stop it. Maybe she really wanted to stop for you but couldn't - this is what addicts do.

I'm not sure the other guy doesn't know, after all...you did. I'd just end things and walk away. He might be fine with it and perhaps encouraging it in some way. You really have no idea what's going on between them.

(in reply to pathfinder75)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 2:16:28 PM   
SirLangsdorff


Posts: 289
Joined: 12/12/2010
Status: offline 		Therapy, for both of you

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I'm nice if you are.
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RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 3:55:39 PM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		You actually have to ask about something like this. Kick her to the curb. You never know what else she will lie about later on, don't take the chance.


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Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 5:43:21 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So why did you think you could cure an addiction with an order?
You knew she was addicted when you met. You chose to get involved with her knowing she couldn't help herself. You need to learn a lot more about addictions and figure out why you decided that this was your idea of a healthy relationship to begin with.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 5:58:15 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		OP, there is no way you are going to stop an addiction just by telling her to not do it. Addiction doesn't work that way. I would never have gotten involved with someone in the first place who is a sex addict because it is what it is and I don't want to have to walk into something KNOWING that I will be screwed around on. Did you know before you actually got involved with her that she was addicted to sex?

As far as the actual addiction itself, like someone else said, therapy for both of you is a good idea. As far as the lies go, no matter what they're about, I would not keep a submissive that repeatedly lies. If this were a vanilla relationship, would you keep seeing a girlfriend that repeatedly lies to you and screws other men? Probably not. So why do it in this case? If you knew she was addicted going in, then it's your own fault.

NBMG

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RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 6:31:26 PM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		It seems to me that only after 3 months vested in the relationship you don't have much there to worry about leaving behind.

Do you really like this girl? Is her addiction the only thing that pisses you off about her? If so, then weigh in what's ot worth to you to stay with her...if the answer is "not much" then kick her to the curb and move on. If you really like her however and you're willing to go through the motions ...at the risk of failing anyway....to help her heal herself, then stick around and work it out and get her into some therapy. Is she a true sex addict or was that just a label you slapped on her to explain her cheating on you?

You need to seriously sit down and think about what you want out of the relationship and what you're willing to do to stay in it...or not, whatever the case may be, YOU need to decide.

Lucifyre
(feeling like I'm talking in circles tonight, sorry)

_____________________________

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I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 6:36:20 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Yes, you should find a partner who doesn't lie to you. You should also try to get a more realistic grasp on your own dominance.

And to your second part.... what purpose, exactly, do you hope to serve by informing the other master?

I think I gotta go with SirLangsdorff on this one... Therapy, for both of you.

amended because I read tj444's response below:
I'm actually a bit embarrassed that I missed that one. First things first. You should find out about this offending profile. If you don't believe you can look her in the eye, ask her, and get an honest answer then you should find a new partner.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 7/23/2012 6:55:08 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to pathfinder75)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/23/2012 6:47:51 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline 		hmmm.. maybe she was planning on dumping you cuz it wasnt working out for her but she wanted to find a replacement before walking out the door.. or maybe the info in her fet profile is old and she just never bothered to change it.. hmmmm..

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As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/24/2012 10:56:46 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLangsdorff

Therapy, for both of you


Indeed.

I was actually in a relationship with a sex addict. When I realized she was an addict, and didn't want to stop......the nature of our relationship changed but I didn't 'kick her to the curb'. Why would I? I love her, she loves me, her fucking whatever she could get her hands on when we were apart didn't change that. The only thing that changed was that she and I would never be fucking again. She had no more reason to lie and feel bad. I had no more reason to question. We stayed friends.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 14
Reality check - 7/24/2012 11:15:04 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pathfinder75

My sub is addicted to sex and when we first got together, I gave her explicit instructions not to be on the internet trolling for random guys for sex. After 3 months together, I found her on Fetlife.com and she has a Master in another state.
My question to the Masters out there - Should I get rid of her and let her Master of another state know what is going on? Or do I just get rid of her and not say anything.


I recommend a reality check, so you get involved with somebody who's addicted to sex and you know about it and you think "clear instructions" take care of her addiction? Which world are you living in? Which part of ADDICTION don't you understand? Do you think all the drug addicts just need an order from superdom (i.e. you) and their addiction is a thing of the past? Calling yourself a dom doesn't give you superpowers, and it also doesn't automatically make you dominant.

Should you get rid of her? I'm surprised that she hasn't gotten rid of you, oops, she has, she has a Master in another state, darling, you're already history, you just didn't have the smarts to realize it...

Btw in your profile you are still searching for your sub... You joined on the 20th and made this post on the 23rd... Amazing how you forgot about your sub of 3 months in your profile... Sorry, I call BS.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to pathfinder75)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/24/2012 11:25:33 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		From your profile I quote "I am a DOM looking for my sub - would eventually like a 24/7 relationship" and you are "known to assess first impressions quickly (both personally and professionally) and generally do not waiver from my initial conclusion."

So how come you have trouble assessing the situation with her doing the same thing you are doing??? You aren't poly so there is no excuse. Just a couple of players playing each other. Don't dump her, she seems perfect for you.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 7/24/2012 11:26:38 AM >

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RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/24/2012 12:24:02 PM   
JhonP


Posts: 83
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

My sub is addicted to sex and when we first got together, I gave her explicit instructions not to be on the internet trolling for random guys for sex. After 3 months together, I found her on Fetlife.com and she has a Master in another state.

She has made you a cuckold, a cuckold dom. What have you done for her and what have you done to her?

Sex addict… what if unfulfilled were the words she used, even if unspoken? What If sex were her reason for coming to you, did you fail her? Did your lack of performance send her searching?
I am not buying into the bull shit she did something wrong.

There are two people involved, both share in the failure or success of a relationship, what if you delved a little more deeply into yourself, found how you failed her and corrected it? What if its too late, can you be a gracious caring aware sesnsitive gentleman and end your relationship treating her as a Lady?

(in reply to pathfinder75)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/24/2012 1:07:15 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		<non snarky>

I am sensing that you may not be right for eachother.


<snarky>

What the fuck? You have to ask this question?? Christ on a stick, kick the randy ferret to the curb dude, and then pop down to the self respect shop.

Jesus wept.



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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/24/2012 2:00:58 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		A drug addict doesnt only use one source for drugs
A booze addict doesnt use one source for boooze
A sex addict sure as hell isnt likely to use one source for sex either,
Seriously , Im gonna go with the consensus.. an order isnt going to help an addict.
She told you she was an addict....now you have found out she WASNT Lying to you about that, but yanno a lot of addicts bend the truth and lie like a rug to get their needs met... you just thought you could keep her on the straight and narrow and be her one and only.
If you cant deal with that, let her go...I wouldnt blame you.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Sub caught in web of lies - 7/24/2012 4:44:20 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

<non snarky>

I am sensing that you may not be right for eachother.



Snarky... What the 2x4 across the head gave you a feeling?


quote:


<snarky>

What the fuck? You have to ask this question?? Christ on a stick, kick the randy ferret to the curb dude, and then pop down to the self respect shop.

Jesus wept.


Non snarky .... Ditto

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 20
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