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A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/9/2006 9:57:22 AM   
SubbieSamurai


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		Hello everyone!

     Something amazing happened to me the other week.  I started dating someone again!  It has been a year and a half since I have dated anyone and in that time, I experienced much pain and loneliness from the messy and horrible breakup of my last relationship of three years.  As always, I served my last special someone as a slave as well and so, I put a lot of trust into the relationship.  As time went on, I endured a lot of abuse, until the day it ended.  A Year and a half after, I was still trying to prove my loyalty, even though it wasn’t needed any longer.

     I started dating a new person not too long ago and it is all so new to me again.  I find myself scared and a bit lost sometimes as I am used to waiting, not acting.  Now I don’t have to feel bad about feeling alone, because I don’t.  Along with just being with someone, I could never leave out the fact that I wish to serve as a slave.  I want to take things slow, both in vanilla and lifestyle ways.  I introduced her to the idea of dominance a week ago and so far, with good results.  We have not played yet, but I wish for her to understand the deeper ideas of Dominance and submission, not just the sexual play involved.  After a few days, she told me she never felt more natural.  She told me that in her previous relationships, she never felt "truly in her place" being the one following the boyfriend's lead, doing things when he wanted to, and trying to please him.  I gave her a taste, and she says she enjoys it very much.

      I guess the big question is something to the side of all of this.  She is a very affectionate girl and it is nothing I mind so much, but I am praying she is not just saying all of this because she wants to do what I want to do.  I know that only time will tell, but I wish to have an Owner to serve, not to have someone playing a long for the sake of pleasing me.  If that were the case, I would rather live a life of complete vanilla activities.  She is also not experienced yet and said she wanted to try things out.  I would like to know what the best way to educate ones self about safety and activities one can do here.  I also created an account for her here, so if she wants to, she can always read.  But, as always, it would be all up to her, when and if she wants to.  As said before, I want to take it slow, but I guess I’ve been without a Dominant figure for so long, my desires for one are becoming stronger.  I hope I do not sound over obsessive as I do not wish to come off as such, and if I do, I apologize.  Thank you.


Humbly,
kai
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RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/9/2006 10:00:58 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Your subject line says owner, but in the post you say it's only been a few weeks and that this is pretty much 100% new to her?

The only thing that will bear this out is time and experience.  You have to trust what she says- otherwise you've got bigger problems than "how dominant she is."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SubbieSamurai)
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RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/9/2006 10:05:37 AM   
SubbieSamurai


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for your response.  I feel you are right, and I might be jumping the gun a bit.  Its my own insecurities I think that make me feel this way.  Even still, I guess time is the answer.  

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/9/2006 10:07:48 AM   
carolsea


Posts: 185
Joined: 10/4/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Kai, what is your question?  This relationship is new to you, the relationship AND the lifestyle are new to her.  There is no way at this point that you can know that you want her to be your owner... but then, is that what you're asking about?

It's hard to really know how to answer you without a specific question - since your subject line does say "question".

Carolsea

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RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/9/2006 10:24:09 AM   
SubbieSamurai


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		Forgive me, I know I wasnt clear.  She told me she wished to explore the lifestyle so Im realising now that the only real question I have is if she is sincere or not, and of course, no one can answer that question but her, with time.  Gah, this whole thread was just a product of an insecurity, and I am very sorry to have wasted time like this.  I think Im just jumping the gun a bit, is all.  My apologies. 

Humbly,
kai

(in reply to carolsea)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/9/2006 10:25:42 AM   
SubbieSamurai


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		Well, if I ahd any question, since I am not the most experienced int he lifestyle, what would be the best way she could educate herself about it?  I can tell her what I know (which isnt a lot), but Im sure that would not be enough.  

(in reply to SubbieSamurai)
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RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/9/2006 10:34:26 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieSamurai
Well, if I ahd any question, since I am not the most experienced int he lifestyle, what would be the best way she could educate herself about it?  I can tell her what I know (which isnt a lot), but Im sure that would not be enough.  

Time and experience.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_268595/tm.htm
Tons o links on Advice for Newbies

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SubbieSamurai)
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RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/9/2006 10:38:36 AM   
brattysub4


Posts: 189
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		i agree with lucky time and experience maybe reading within the lifestyle as well might be helpful like here or other sites that pertain to it.

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RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/9/2006 10:45:38 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		Hi SubbieSamurai,
Ask her to read, read and read. There are so many books out there on bdsm. Do a google search for her on bdsm books. Also, as LA said, there are plenty of good links here on collarme that can answer many questions for her.
Is she sincere? I think the fact that she wants to learn more about your lifestyle could indicate that she is sincere, but only you can answer that question. Good luck to you both :)

_____________________________





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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/9/2006 11:15:07 AM   
SubbieSamurai


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		I thank you for all the responses, and again, please forgive me for not being more clear before.  I think I am just a bit frightened at thinking of all of the things that can go wrong, when a lot can indeed go right.  Im sure everything will work out, and I will surely read up on things myself.  All in all, I dont want her to think im into kinky sex, and that would be all.  She knows it exists, but I wish to show her the deeper sides and I can only pray she feels a simular fufillment that I feel serving, as the dominant one in the relationship.  

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
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RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/9/2006 11:26:35 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

Thank you for your response. I feel you are right, and I might be jumping the gun a bit. Its my own insecurities I think that make me feel this way. Even still, I guess time is the answer.


froggy doesnt really say jump so there's never a need to do so.  Play it out, sit back and be patient.  God knows what will come of it.. but atleast if you hold yourself back no matter what happens you'll be fine

(in reply to SubbieSamurai)
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RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/10/2006 11:43:57 AM   
carolsea


Posts: 185
Joined: 10/4/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		It's okay, kai - when it's new and fresh and you think you  may have found someone interesting, it's natural to be confused and unsure of yourself. 

It sounds like you do know her in person.  Are there any bdsm groups or munches in your area?  Meeting people like that is a good way to make friends and learn from people who are more experienced than you.  I know, there was a thread elsewhere on those groups and how they work for some people and not for others - sorry, it's my experience that these groups can be really good and great sources of information and networking.  But short of that, books are good.  There are reliable reading lists on all sorts of websites, and here too, I'm sure.  But if you need some help finding the right stuff, give me a holler here on the other side, and I'll be glad to give you (both) some ideas!

Carolsea

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/10/2006 4:57:34 PM   
SubbieSamurai


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings again,

I am truly greatful for your help.  I do know her in person and I have been to munch already.  I never thought of it, but if she were comfortable going to one, it might be good to try it out.  Thank you for saying so though, and if anything I will ask your opinion as well. 

(in reply to carolsea)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A brand new Owner, a brand new life. Question... - 6/10/2006 6:20:26 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		First congrats on the new relationship and welcome to the forums, second breathe.
 
Can she really be sincere about wanting to learn? Of course she can....and Ill bet she is....but dont pressure her too much or it might scare her off....make sure it's fun and not super serious, make sure to let her know how much her learning means to you, and get one of the books that focus on the playfulness of the lifestyle...like Screw the roses....
 


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to SubbieSamurai)
Profile   Post #: 14
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