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Proprietrix -> RE: Should Mistress decide all... (6/10/2006 8:17:47 AM)
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I’m curious if you two are living together.
I can give a few examples of how I worked these things out with my most recent boy.
I’ll be honest in saying up front that I expected him to compromise more than I. That was just par for the course in my D/s relationships. However, I didn’t expect him to give up everything that made him…. him.
He liked heavy rap music. I’m more an ambient lover. Around my house, it was more ambient. In his car (and we both usually rode in his car) it was more rap. I usually made it through about a song and a half with him jamming to really loud rap music. Then I would turn it down so we could talk. On longer trips, he had a few mix tapes with music we both liked, or we would listen to a few songs on his CD and then a lot of songs on mine.
As for TV, we enjoyed a lot of the same shows. I’m big into crime-drama and cartoons. He liked watching the news. If he totally couldn't stand what I was watching, he would go to the bedroom and watch TV. There were times when I’d take the remote from him. I really didn’t care what we were watching, but I couldn’t stand the channel surfing.
As for politics, he was an avid right-wing Republican. I am a firm fence sitter.
In religion, he was Catholic, and I’m more Native American Spiritualist oriented.
It made for interesting conversations about current events and social problems.
We would occasionally joke and razz each other. "Oh well, you know how those bleeding hearts are." or "Weren’t we nice for giving the Indians some of our land." or "Honey, I told you to stick to Protestants and Pagans." – all said with a wink and a smile. We always knew the other was kidding.
I would have never expected him to vote at the polls for anything other than what he believed in. I invited him to my firesides (which he declined), but never told him he had to convert or give up his own religion.
I do have some strict rules that I refuse to bend on. Like, no one shall play country music near me lest they be bludgeoned to death with a banjo. I’m not about to miss Monday night RAW on TV so that my submissive can watch something else. My son and I have been watching wrestling together for many many years and it’s become a ‘family night’ of sorts for us. I can only think of one incident where the D/s was put on the line. He had a Republican dinner to attend and wanted to remove his collar to attend it. I feel very strongly about this and told him that if the collar came off for the dinner, it stayed off for good.
Overall, I don’t want my submissives to be me. I want them to be themselves and serve me. Converting to my religion or political party doesn’t show me commitment. It comes across like jello looking for a mold. Now if after 5 years together, a sub has slowly learned about my religion and has begun embracing it because it’s something they truly believe in on a personal level, I’m happy to find them an elder. But I personally wouldn’t be their elder. It would seem like a conflict of interest or something.
I don’t want a submissive who expects me to make all of their decisions for them under the guise of commitment and trust. I would bore quickly with "What do you want me to wear? What do you want me to eat? What do you want me to watch? What do you want me to read? What do you want me to think? What do you want me to be?"
More important than being like me, or agreeing with me, is knowing me. If I say "Run me a bath, with lights and music." I want him/her to know that I want bubbles, and ambient music, and candle light. If we’re packing for a trip, I want my sub to automatically grab some of my music to listen to along the way. You don’t have to live my doctrine, but remind me that I have a fireside coming up that week. You don’t have to enjoy cross-stitching, but a new X-stitch kit is a nice gift for me. Don’t take my medications, but bring me mine. You don’t have to smoke, but light my cigarettes for me.
You don’t have to drink coffee, but serve me mine in the morning the way I like it.
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