A bit apprehenisve! (Full Version)

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Davidburke379 -> A bit apprehenisve! (7/28/2012 11:37:16 AM)

Well, I don't know where to start here, but I guess I will just go ahead and pour out my thoughts. I'm not even sure if this is in the right section, so if it isn't I apologize in advance.

I am a 32 year old male. I have been married for almost 2 years, but I have been together with my wife for almost 10 years. Recently, I would say in the past year or so, my wife has really expressed an interest in orgasm denial and possibly chastity if I can't learn to control myself on my own. I never minded a little bit of teasing because hey, let's face it, I was getting some action, so I didn't mind! Plus, it was kind of fun, but now it is getting to the point where I think she is looking at long term type of orgasm denial and that doesn't sound "fun" to me!! In the beginning, she would tease me for a little while and then we would have sex and that was that, but I guess she really likes it so it has slowly escalated from there. Sometimes, if it is a weekend and we are both home she will tease me and make me wait till Sunday night to have an orgasm! It isn't an easy thing to be teased and have to wait like that, but I will say that the orgasm is much more intense when she finally gives it to me. She has also pointed out that when I am not able to cum right away and i am desperatley seeking that orgasm that I am more focused on her than I usually am. That much I have to agree with her on! When I am want that orgasm I will basically do anyhing that she asks! She also says it excites her to keep me excited and asking for her to let me cum! I see how excited she gets about it, so that makes me happy to see her happy. I mean I love her and like doing things to make her happy, so that's why I have been compliant with what she asks me to do, but I just don't know about this.

I guess my question here is what do you guys think I should do? From the little research that I have done about this it seems that most of the time it is the guy who wants this type of relationship, but how do you deal with it when it is the woman that wants it for you?? I guess I can see the appeal of it for some guys, but I don't really see it for myself. If I do it, it wouldn't be something that I think I would enjoy, but I would do it because it makes her happy. I'm not going to lie though, I am a definitely a bit scared about going down this path. Do i make the sacrafice for her happiness, or do I put my foot down and say no?

thanks for listening!



LadyPact -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/28/2012 11:40:38 AM)

You thank your lucky starts that you have the woman that other men dream of, continue to love her, and live happily ever after.



Delilya -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/28/2012 11:53:14 AM)

That wraps it up nicely LP.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/28/2012 11:54:19 AM)

Think about what you really want then sit down and talk to her about it. You said she thinks it is fun and it excites her. You said sometimes it does you too. So talk to her about it. Figure out how the two of you can expore different ideas together and work something out so you are both having a good time.



crazyml -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/28/2012 11:54:20 AM)

Speaking for myself, I wouldn't put up with that for a second.

I can't speak for you.

If you think you can be happy long term with her taking that level of control, then go for it.

If you don't think you can be happy then talk to her.




Kaliko -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/28/2012 11:58:55 AM)

It doesn't seem to me that you completely hate it - you're just a bit nervous about reversing the roles that you had in your head about it.

Enjoy it a bit more...see where it goes. Feeling a little unsure isn't always a bad thing. Continue with no expectations and just see how you feel.




kalikshama -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/28/2012 12:22:33 PM)

quote:

Sometimes, if it is a weekend and we are both home she will tease me and make me wait till Sunday night to have an orgasm! It isn't an easy thing to be teased and have to wait like that, but I will say that the orgasm is much more intense when she finally gives it to me. She has also pointed out that when I am not able to cum right away and i am desperatley seeking that orgasm that I am more focused on her than I usually am. That much I have to agree with her on! When I am want that orgasm I will basically do anyhing that she asks! She also says it excites her to keep me excited and asking for her to let me cum! I see how excited she gets about it, so that makes me happy to see her happy. I mean I love her and like doing things to make her happy,


You're happy, she's happy - enjoy!



DesFIP -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/28/2012 2:48:46 PM)

Figure out why it sometimes works for you and why it sometimes doesn't and talk about it so as to make it a worthwhile experience for both of you 90% of the time.

And if it turns out that you can only do this for the length of a weekend, that's fine too. Just make sure that the rest of the week you aren't ignoring her and blowing her off.



Davidburke379 -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/29/2012 6:55:34 AM)

Thanks for your advice. I appreciate it.

What I really want is for her to be happy! Like I said, I love her and I know she loves me, so if I do this it would be a sacrafice on my part to make her happy. The part I would take joy in is knowing that I am doing something that is making her happy.

It was fun and exciting for me when it was light teasing before sex, but when she denies me for a day or two like I described in my post duing a weekend, it is a whole different thing. We have talked about it a little bit and it is the control aspect that she enjoys the most about it, which is probably going to be the hardest part for me. The psychological aspect of always being the one in control in the past and now having to relinquish that control is not going to be easy.



Davidburke379 -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/29/2012 7:00:53 AM)

Thanks for the advice

I hear you! My first instinct was the same as yours. I wasn't going to put up with it either, but she has a way of making me see her view on things! I can't explain it, but something I would have probably laughed at 5 years ago I'm actually here on this forum seeking advice about! Strange I know, but like I said, she has a way of making me see her ways.



Davidburke379 -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/29/2012 7:03:27 AM)

I'm definitely nervous about reversing the roles! Giving up control as a guy is not an easy thing to do, at least it isn't for me! Thanks for your advice. I will approach it with an open mind.



Davidburke379 -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/29/2012 7:09:37 AM)

Thanks for the advice

You say in your post "Just make sure that the rest of the week you aren't ignoring her and blowing her off." Well, that's just the thing about it. She like the attention that she gets when I'm being denied, so I think that she is going to want more-and-more of that. Maybe it would start as only the weekend, but I think that slowly I will be denied for longer-and-longer periods of time. basically, once I go down this path I don't think there will be any turning back!



Karmastic -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/29/2012 1:41:09 PM)

FR-

OP, you answered your own question...

"I guess I can see the appeal of it for some guys, but I don't really see it for myself."

My condolences on your failing marriage.



DesFIP -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/29/2012 1:49:43 PM)

If she felt her wishes weren't being ignored the rest of the week, then she wouldn't feel that the only way she can get the things done she's asked you to do is by keeping you denied.

So when she says, "Honey, can you get out the ladder and change the outdoor flood" try doing it then and there. Don't say you'll do it after the game and then forget about it again. Can't you see that by your inattention you've caused her to decide that the only way she can get you to put her wishes as a priority is through chastity? Because if what she wanted was a priority, then she wouldn't have to resort to this.

Now if you folks both enjoy chastity, that's something else. But if it's the only way she can get your attention, then change your attitude.



slaveluci -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/29/2012 1:52:59 PM)

Regardless of what anyone else here says, you need to decide what YOU want and can live with. If you aren't comfortable with this - with her taking charge and doing the orgasm denial thing and everything else that's going on - don't fake like you are. Tell her now and be honest. I know it's amazing to some but not every man digs a dominant woman or being "denied" what pleases him. To each his or her own but not everyone thinks that's hot or desirable. Consider the source when soliciting advice and take it all, even mine, with a grain of salt. But seriously......you've got to be honest with yourself and your partner. No one else counts for shit..........luci



Davidburke379 -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/29/2012 5:35:50 PM)

I see what you are trying to say, but I don't think that I ignore her needs at all. I am very attentive to her needs, but I think the level of attention definitely tends to be a little more when I am being denied. I mean, whose wouldn't be?

I think the biggest thing with her in this situation is that she just enjoys the level of control more than anything. The extra attention she gets from me because of it is just a bonus.



Davidburke379 -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/29/2012 5:50:28 PM)

Thanks for the advice. I am definitely taking everybody's advice with a grain of salt, and I wouldn't base my decisions solely on what people on this forum had to say.

I am going to talk to her more about it and I guess see where it goes. I will keep everybody posted on how it goes.



littlekitten1 -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/30/2012 6:43:18 AM)

Jesus, Karmastic. Could you be any more rude? :-/



Karmastic -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/31/2012 12:37:44 AM)

please don't hijack threads to call people rude. now, that's rude.

please stay on topic. i was. sorry you didn't like my blunt opinion. i suggest you keep your rude reactions to my opinions to yourself, and please try to stay on topic. now, if you wish to discuss why you disagree with me like an adult, that would be on topic and not rude.



SongofSirens -> RE: A bit apprehenisve! (7/31/2012 5:20:44 AM)

Simply put, sounds like she is just pissing you off with all this my way or the highway. Maybe strike a deal that you practice this SOMETIMES to make her happy and let you release your way sometimes. I went through all that orgasm denial for a long time, it made me angry and resentful. I hope for your sake it does not have the same affect it did on me over time. I ended my relationship but I was not married either.



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