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moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 5:48:16 AM

steelchip

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i can bite my wifes nipples harder then any clamp of cloths pin and she ll get off on it, but shes afraid of cloths pins, pull her lips very hard, but shes afraid of weights..ive tried talking to her about it...she just seems nervous about them

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 5:58:20 AM

GreedyTop

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use them on your balls first and let her see how easy it is?

ok, sorry, sometimes the smartass in me takes over my fingers as I type ;)

seriously, might she let you apply them somewhere else on her body first so she can get a feel for them? Like perhaps the underside of her arms (not armpits.. the underside of her upper arm).

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 7:57:16 AM

SoulAlloy

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Yep above sounds good, even smartass comment :p

Clamps are a different sensation to biting, can range from soft to harsh and often hurt most just as taken off - biting is more of an instant pain and has a more feral/lustful flavour than sheer mechanics

I'd suggest finding out if it's a soft or hard limit, or maybe it just reminds her too much of the mundane to be eroticised

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 8:06:25 AM

lizi

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If she's afraid of that why is it so important for you to do? Maybe think about whether or not your desire to have her do it is pushing her into being more protective of herself. The suggestions Greedy had for trying them out on other body parts is a great one, and let her do it at her own pace. Let her decide if and when the clips and weights go other places.

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 9:27:21 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: steelchip

i can bite my wifes nipples harder then any clamp of cloths pin and she ll get off on it, but shes afraid of cloths pins, pull her lips very hard, but shes afraid of weights..ive tried talking to her about it...she just seems nervous about them

Start her off light when she's blindfolded and bound. Mix them in with a whole lotta sensation play and be sure to have lots of it positive interplay, good orgasms, mad stroking, kiss her all over, tons of praise.
Then, when she's spent and had a wonderful and draining time, unveil her to let her see what helped give her pleasure was one of the things she used to fear.
It'll help get her over that hump.

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 11:02:36 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: steelchip

i can bite my wifes nipples harder then any clamp of cloths pin and she ll get off on it, but shes afraid of cloths pins, pull her lips very hard, but shes afraid of weights..ive tried talking to her about it...she just seems nervous about them

Start her off light when she's blindfolded and bound. Mix them in with a whole lotta sensation play and be sure to have lots of it positive interplay, good orgasms, mad stroking, kiss her all over, tons of praise.
Then, when she's spent and had a wonderful and draining time, unveil her to let her see what helped give her pleasure was one of the things she used to fear.
It'll help get her over that hump.

I think this is a wonderful method BUT it still depends a lot on the woman and the conversation they've had about this.

If she's outright said 'no, don't use clothespins' and he does it anyway, even if she enjoys it, there's a chance she'll be pissed at him for doing it. If she's just said 'well maybe, but I'm nervous' then have at it.

In my relationship its his right to do as he wishes with me, so what Kana suggests would be fine, but I know if I didn't set up that agreement with someone and he did something he knew I didn't want when I couldn't object, there'd be hell to pay.

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 2:53:26 PM

steelchip

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i always try stuff out on myself (well most stuff that is)..to try to sneak them on her would piss her right off, and cause serious trust issues..

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 5:21:16 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: steelchip

i always try stuff out on myself (well most stuff that is)..to try to sneak them on her would piss her right off, and cause serious trust issues..

If she is willing.... Let her put one on herself. Basically let have control of the moment. Sometimes fear is much easier to overcome when we have a sense of control over the fear.

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 5:29:34 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

seriously, might she let you apply them somewhere else on her body first so she can get a feel for them? Like perhaps the underside of her arms (not armpits.. the underside of her upper arm).

I agree in general but as to the arms that actually hurts me more than on my breasts or nipples.

I suppose now's not the time to mention zippers or whipping off clothespins?

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 7:44:43 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: steelchip

i always try stuff out on myself (well most stuff that is)..to try to sneak them on her would piss her right off, and cause serious trust issues..

If she is willing.... Let her put one on herself. Basically let have control of the moment. Sometimes fear is much easier to overcome when we have a sense of control over the fear.

Master has done that with me, but usually he just likes to watch me torture myself for his pleasure. Blech.

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 7:48:55 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: steelchip

i always try stuff out on myself (well most stuff that is)..to try to sneak them on her would piss her right off, and cause serious trust issues..

If she is willing.... Let her put one on herself. Basically let have control of the moment. Sometimes fear is much easier to overcome when we have a sense of control over the fear.

Master has done that with me, but usually he just likes to watch me torture myself for his pleasure. Blech.

What's wrong with this??? Sounds correct.

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 7:51:53 PM

littlewonder

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It hurts even more when he has me do that.

Oh yeah, I forgot there are sadists here in these forums.

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/29/2012 9:43:27 PM

samdarella

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Wow. How boring the last 2 years would have been if I had not tried things I was afraid of. I guess it comes down to a matter of trust and the type of dynamic you have. When I've been with someone I trust I don't negotiate everything they were going to do. They knew my hard limits and everything else was open game. I could always code had I felt the need.

What about this does she fear? Talk it out and find out specifically. What's your relationship dynamic? If its not a hard limit for her and it's something you really want then she should try it. Go slow and give her lots of reassurances. Thank her for trusting you and loving you enough to want to please you. Mix some pleasure with the pain.

Or you could just bind and gag her and do it anyway and take perverse pleasure in her fear and crying.

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/30/2012 1:13:20 AM

Delilya

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It hurts even more when he has me do that.
Oh yeah, I forgot there are sadists here in these forums.

For a moment there I wondered where you were going with it. Smile.

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/30/2012 2:27:11 AM

steelchip

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quote:

ORIGINAL: samdarella

Wow. How boring the last 2 years would have been if I had not tried things I was afraid of. I guess it comes down to a matter of trust and the type of dynamic you have. When I've been with someone I trust I don't negotiate everything they were going to do. They knew my hard limits and everything else was open game. I could always code had I felt the need.

What about this does she fear? Talk it out and find out specifically. What's your relationship dynamic? If its not a hard limit for her and it's something you really want then she should try it. Go slow and give her lots of reassurances. Thank her for trusting you and loving you enough to want to please you. Mix some pleasure with the pain.

Or you could just bind and gag her and do it anyway and take perverse pleasure in her fear and crying.

were just a bed room kinky couple, she has a very low pain tolerance, so im careful what i do..pain or discomfort as shes getting off adds to her orgasm,..

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/30/2012 7:09:57 AM

GreedyTop

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I agree with the let them put them on herself (good point!), and while the underside of the arm may be ultra sensitive (I have not found that so on MYSELF), there are going to be other places that mgiht work.

If she has a serious, screaming-mimi kinda reaction to the idea I would leave it alone.

(edited to add a letter)

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 7/30/2012 7:16:31 AM >

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/30/2012 4:05:04 PM

kalikshama

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I can actually take far more pain if 1. he's doing it and 2. I'm tied up. Generally, I have zero interest in administering pain to myself but have recently started using nipple clamps when I masturbate.

(OP - I'm not suggesting this for you and your wife, just wanted to toss it out there.)

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/30/2012 4:15:46 PM

steelchip

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I agree with the let them put them on herself (good point!), and while the underside of the arm may be ultra sensitive (I have not found that so on MYSELF), there are going to be other places that mgiht work.

If she has a serious, screaming-mimi kinda reaction to the idea I would leave it alone.

(edited to add a letter)

well its kind of funny..yrs ago when we would dabble from time to time she d put nipple clamps on herself and clamps on her lips, (she liked the weight of the chain swinging) but now shes reluctant...maybe this is gonna be one of these she ll get in the mood for things...

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RE: moving past the fear - 7/30/2012 4:39:51 PM

littlewonder

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then let her go at her own pace.

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