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Mentorship - 7/29/2012 5:03:33 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		This is not thread about should one be a mentor or seek a mentor.

But what does one actually mentor?

If you where a mentor What do you teach? This question was asked in another thread and thought it was a really good question.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.
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RE: Mentorship - 7/29/2012 5:11:04 PM   
CRYPTICLXVI


Posts: 3907
Status: offline 		I have mentored only once... that was enough for me. She was a 'slave' or leaning that direction. We talked, had coffee a couple of times, IM'd... mostly I asked her questions, a lot of them as well as answered what one's that she had to the best of my ability. I ended up after several months of this referring her to another friend who was a slave and they still talk as "sisters".

I never played with her, I never trained her, we never fucked... she did become interested but it never became an issue between us. When I was no longer in a position to assist her, as I said, I found someone else who could benefit her in her growth. She is still a very good friend of mine and she has let me know several times over the years that she appreciates everything I have done for her.

I think the primary objective which I accomplished as a "mentor" to her was that she didn't just go out and get in trouble with her newfound sense of self. Rather by having her journal, by having her write responses to questions, by having her communicate clearly, I assisted her in looking at herself, discovering what it was she was seeking and what she felt that she was personally. I will say also that by assisting her in her own path, it was also enlightening to me, her questions forced me to stop and think before responding, to actually consider what it was I was experiencing as well.

Okay, so I lied, it was a positive experience overall... but I am still not certain I would do it again, perhaps.

Cryptic

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Mentorship - 7/29/2012 5:38:02 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		My feeling is that you can only mentor someone in your own 'job', as it were. What could I possibly help a submissive with? That would be like CPA Hib mentoring a chemical engineer, it's not the same industry.

When I did this sort of thing, I let the other person decided what they wanted to learn from me. (There's no way I would be anyone's exclusive resource, either!) I know a lot of stuff, not every bit of it might be relevant. Play technique, reasonable expectations, organizing events, whatever. I never sought to create clones, and mentors are there as a helper, not a teacher of all wisdom.

I do try to give them a shove in what I consider the 'right' directions insofar as ethics go. It's tricky ground, and I'm very tough minded, they migh as well learn what it's like on the high road.

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RE: Mentorship - 7/29/2012 6:25:13 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		I don't think i'd make a good "mentor", I think theres
the connotation of someone wanting to be shown how
to live their life/ thinking you way of life is worthy of
"teaching".
I would only teach someone how to do my job or a skill
that I have, that they don't. My views on how I think I
should live or what I believe, are a product of the
struggle to figure that out. It can't be taught, only
learned.
The only time I would bend towards being what I call a
mentor, is to raise my own children.

-ARIES


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RE: Mentorship - 7/29/2012 6:43:58 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		Mentors are teachers who share the skills they have acquired, like Hib said. I have mentored a few submissives in the past, not on how to be a Dom but simply in methods of thought and practice. I gave them new ways to look at what they wanted in life, and not just sexually. I'd liken the experiences to getting advice from a friend you can trust.

Each experience was positive for me, and while one sub passed on, the others are alive and well, and I have kept in touch with them by dropping a hello their way from time to time.

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RE: Mentorship - 7/29/2012 7:36:26 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		I've recently taken on a mentor type of role with someone. Although, primarily I consider us more friends, with me giving advice than anything else. I don't look at is as teaching BDSM stuff, so much as giving him the tools to be successfull and avoid the mistakes I've made in the past. Mostly we talk about how to communicate with his girl, what he needs to do to be a better communicator, how to help alieviate fears, build trust, and what he needs to avoid doing to sabotage things between them. I make it clear that it's not "my way" or "the way", rather I help him find what ways make sense to him, and work for the two of them. I've also been teaching him about rope and different implements so that when the time comes for him to use them, it's done properly and safely. I don't really teach him to be "dominant". I just share my point of view, the knowledge that I've gained over the years of what works and what doesn't, and encourage him to seek other points of view as well, so that he can make a more informed decision when the time comes. This has only been going on a few days though, and he's very receptive and open to learning, time will tell if he gains anything or if I'm just totally clusterfucking things for him.

I've made it a point that he doesn't look at his relationship like there is a blueprint to it. Rather that he needs to be able to compromise at times, communicate always, and be receptive to view points that do not always align with his. If he can become good at those things, and keep his head about him, I'm sure he'll do fine. He's new and it takes a great deal of time to learn what is out there, and he may never learn "everything". But it's a start.

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RE: Mentorship - 7/29/2012 7:37:45 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Mostly high protocol, ritual, and topping techniques.



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RE: Mentorship - 7/29/2012 7:43:26 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I guess I just don't understand mentoring in bdsm because imo it's just a relationship like any other and you are either dominant or submissive or not. It's not something you can learn and imo bdsm really doesn't take skill unless you're wanting to learn more extreme techniques, but most who want to do bdsm are not that. They uaually want a little spanking, some handcuffs, maybe a crop or two, some easy/peasy rope bondage, etc...

Ok, maybe there's the whole Leather thing like LadyPact, but beyond that, I just don't get it.

The only thing I can figure someone would mentor is someone with social inadequacies and imo, that's not really mentoring, that's therapy.

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RE: Mentorship - 7/29/2012 7:53:45 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		I have a submissive whom I call mentor. He is teaching me skills. We don't have play sessions so much as learning sessions, whether it be on ball stretching, flogging, whatever my interest is. I am grateful for the experience that I am gaining, and the ability to practice with someone who can help teach me safety.

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(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Mentorship - 7/29/2012 9:32:54 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I don't equate mentorship and teaching. When I'm mentoring someone I am generally trying to help them find their own way, not to illuminate some path of mine.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: Mentorship - 7/29/2012 10:09:35 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		How do you help them find their way?
You mentor people in bdsm?

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530 DAYS

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RE: Mentorship - 7/29/2012 11:30:13 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5172
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I had to look up the definition of mentor so that I could answer this better. The definition was "1.experienced adviser and supporter".

That is exactly the roll my mentor played. I could bounce questions off him as he'd been doing this stuff for many years. When I met with anyone he wanted to know how the meeting turned out. Since he knew so much about the others who were into all this he was able to steer me away from men who were cheating on their wives, or others who were known to play heavy and not respect a safe word.

He was like a mother hen. He cheered me on when I had successes. He lent a shoulder for times that were a bit trying. He worried while I was spreading my wings. Although I don't need him to advise me any longer we still touch bases every single day, even if it is just to report the weather.

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RE: Mentorship - 7/30/2012 9:58:55 AM   
mandmlv


Posts: 27
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		In our relationship, 'Mentoring" is a big part of the D/s. I am older, more worldly and helping her in her professional life is very important to both of us. At times it might spill over to a little Daddy/little girl, but that is rare. I think Teacher and Cheer leader are important roles to play.

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RE: Mentorship - 7/30/2012 1:03:16 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mandmlv

In our relationship, 'Mentoring" is a big part of the D/s. I am older, more worldly and helping her in her professional life is very important to both of us. At times it might spill over to a little Daddy/little girl, but that is rare. I think Teacher and Cheer leader are important roles to play.


I feel a mentor is just an adviser, and not hands on.

I have mentored new submissive women on another site. I was a "go to" person for answering general questions, or just the voice of reason they could ask various d/s related issues.


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RE: Mentorship - 7/30/2012 1:16:41 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BurntKitty


quote:

ORIGINAL: mandmlv

In our relationship, 'Mentoring" is a big part of the D/s. I am older, more worldly and helping her in her professional life is very important to both of us. At times it might spill over to a little Daddy/little girl, but that is rare. I think Teacher and Cheer leader are important roles to play.


I feel a mentor is just an adviser, and not hands on.

I have mentored new submissive women on another site. I was a "go to" person for answering general questions, or just the voice of reason they could ask various d/s related issues.




See? Now that I'm ok with. What I'm not ok with is having to teach them to be submissive or dominant. To me that's either in you or it is not and I think a lot of time when people come to the forums and ask how to BE those things it leaves me confused. Why do you want to learn how to be them if they are not who you are? I think most of the time what they want is someone to teach them how to roleplay in the bedroom for a bit.



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Everything has changed

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RE: Mentorship - 7/30/2012 1:50:23 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Well, it can be hands on, but not especially hands on that particular person.

Teaching topping skills, which is part of mentoring for Me, you kind of have to actually top to show somebody what they are doing. That doesn't mean the person that you are mentoring is your bottom. You want that person up with you. However, you might use a bottom (a third party) to demonstrate on and allow the person you are mentoring to get some hands on practice under supervision.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 16
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