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RE: Just so I know - 7/30/2012 9:08:06 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

yes for most Lucifyre. For me personally, it would still be cheating.


Wow, that's messed up. Nobody is being lied to, hurt, harmed, tricked, or damaged in any way, and yet you insist on calling it immoral. And sadly, this is a fairly common belief. Shows you how poorly the majority of people understand morality these days.


Dude, I said they are MY morals and values...not yours or anyone else's. For me personally it would be cheating and lying about the covenant with God I made when I got married, if I was currently married. Marriage to me is more than just a legal piece of paper and why I stated it's MY morals and values.

YMMV

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Just so I know - 7/30/2012 9:09:40 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Exactly. I admire Littlewonder for having a strong belief system.

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[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Just so I know - 7/30/2012 10:28:14 PM   
CHF73


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/16/2012
Status: offline 		I agree with Littlewonder. Not only it would be against my values to get wtih a sub that is married (no matter if hubby knows), but it woudl aslo mean to get into a situation that it's not gonna end up good: either me, the sub or the hubby (or maybe all of us) might want to change the rules over time and turn the situation into a time bomb. No thanks, next one in line...
Wait, there's no line...oh well! lol

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Just so I know - 7/31/2012 11:03:20 AM   
wolf223


Posts: 89
Joined: 3/4/2011
Status: offline
Me too.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Just so I know - 7/31/2012 3:45:31 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I did. However, I wouldn't have if his wife wasn't on board and been ok with it.

A word of caution though. No matter how much you swear up and down that it can never happen, realize that there is a possibility you may want a D/s life more than you want the spouse. It does happen and My situation isn't the only D/s situation on these boards where it has. For a submissive, the pull to live what you feel is your nature can be very strong. Know that part going in.




A big ditto on this.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Just so I know - 8/4/2012 3:41:02 AM   
Doomkittie


Posts: 26
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline 		I would be looking for a master who was polyamourous then. He would, if he had a partner introduce you, talk about his responsibilities and priorities and where you fit, your partner would also want to meet him and his partner, or he may not, it isn't a Requirement.

If you agree to what everyone's expectations and availability is and have very very communication skills it can work.

I am poly, I try to avoid Dom's who are not poly, they have to understand, I won't be leaving my partner and kids for them and they are my priority, this doesn't mean I can not have a deep and loving relationship with another.

DK

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Just so I know - 8/5/2012 2:58:08 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		Google Ashley Madison. You can be in a hotel room 6 hours from now.

And I make no judgement of this person. She may be trapped in a sexless marriage with a passive aggressive abuser or a very ill partner. A lot of people can't end their marriages without massive life disaster. Oh, what to do?

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Just so I know - 10/1/2012 6:35:27 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		LW said it would be against her morals. How can that be wrong? I have a son, who feels it's against his morals to eat animals. Me, I think animals are FOR eating. My attitude is, Vegitarian - Old Native American word for Bad Hunter. Doesn't make either of us wrong. Some things are absolutes, others differ from person to person. What is wrong is letting someone talk you into violating your own morals, just because they don't share them. Or trying to shame someone for having differant morals than you. I see that as wrong, although I guess YMMV.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Just so I know - 10/1/2012 6:50:42 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Well that's good to know but I'm not those because the hubby knows


Knowing and agreeing is not the same thing......... hypothetically I could KNOW my husband has a girl on the side, but if I do not agree to it, then that's cheating... of course, I could also agree to let him see her if it means it'll keep my marriage and family together, but still be unhappy about it, and that doesn't change the part where it's cheating either.................


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Well, her profile now states she's found her Master. That didn't take long at all.


Wow. That must be a record!

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Just so I know - 10/2/2012 4:26:59 AM   
MasterPandy


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/24/2011
From: UK, now in Switzerland
Status: offline 		I believe it can work - but tread very carefully. You must have a very understanding spouse and have no doubts as to whether you marriage will be affected.

A friend of mine is married to a vanilla man and has a Master. The husband is very supportive but does find it difficult sometimes. It has put pressure on their marriage but they have got through it because their love is so strong.

She has always put her marriage first and it has worked well for her.

All situations are different though so think it through, discuss it with your husband and make sure there are NO secrets at all. That goes for the potential Master as well.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Just so I know - 10/2/2012 7:04:16 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

Shows you how poorly the majority of people understand morality these days.


For some of us it IS moral to respect someone's marital vows even if the spouses won't.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Just so I know - 10/2/2012 7:51:08 AM   
DNAHelicase


Posts: 115
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline 		FR

My husband and I are both dominant. We have an open marriage and have for some time now. We are not cheating on each other. When either of us is considering a new sub, he or she meets the other partner early on. In the past, we've frequently done things as a group (me, my husband, and our subs)--taking trips together, spending most weekends together at our house, going to community events together, going out to dinner, etc. My husband has had a married sub in the past and her husband was aware of the arrangement and approved of it because he was not interested in dominating her. I have no problem taking on a married sub, assuming we're a good fit, as long as his wife is 100% ok with the arrangement and you can bet I would have a sit down discussion with her if it looked like things were shaping up. I won't participate in somebody else's cheating. There's a huge difference between somebody lying and breaching the trust of somebody who probably trusts you more than any other person versus getting fulfillment of a desire outside of a relationship when all parties are aware of and encourage it. Everybody can draw their own lines in the moral sand as long as they don't try to push them on other people, and that's where I draw mine.

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Just so I know - 10/2/2012 3:24:02 PM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

yes for most Lucifyre. For me personally, it would still be cheating.


Wow, that's messed up. Nobody is being lied to, hurt, harmed, tricked, or damaged in any way, and yet you insist on calling it immoral. And sadly, this is a fairly common belief. Shows you how poorly the majority of people understand morality these days.


Sorry wittyname, but I have to chide with littlewonder. It is a moral issue. The bottom line is that you can loose the sub if the married person stamps their foot down and says its me or the divorce courts...and you can actually hear the answer before their lips move. Let them get a divorce, stay de-facto and then take them on as a sub making sure the other half is present during each session, to give them tips and mentor them on the possabilities of what can happen during the relationship.

How many times have you heard that one partner has said that the other half is ok...and yet they have lied through their teeth and got caught out, simple.


< Message edited by FrankAr -- 10/2/2012 3:27:52 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Just so I know - 10/2/2012 4:34:01 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		If your spouse is okay with it, then they won't mind meeting me and talking a bit. Preferably, I'd like to become friends. But even if they are of the 'it's okay as long as it's not shoved in my face' sort, we'll have to meet, or I'm not okay with it.

Really, where I am right now in my life, I'm not 100% sure I'd be okay with a married dom even if their spouse was okay with it. But definatly not if I couldn't meet them.

I can't stand those letters from men who tell me, 'Wow! we have something in common! I'm poly, too! Except my wife doesn't understand, so she can never find out!'

< Message edited by tsatske -- 10/2/2012 5:30:55 PM >

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Just so I know - 10/2/2012 5:28:16 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske
I can't stand those letters from men who tell me, 'Wow! we have something in common! I'm poly, too! Except my wife doesn't understand, so she can never find out!'



Well, that's a choice we have to make when we get in with non-poly folks, isn't it? are they important enough that you give up your poly lifestyle for them, or is your polyness more important that you'd give them up for it.

(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Just so I know - 10/3/2012 12:55:38 PM   
SeekerMA


Posts: 35
Joined: 8/4/2012
Status: offline 		I'd say it depends on the state of the marriage. Plenty of people are stuck in largely loveless marriages that they are in simply because it is simple and routine. If such is the case, I'm of the opinion that even if the spouse doesn't know then it isn't really cheating, because they're more like roommates or friends than a couple anyway. But on the other hand in that situation you have to wonder, why isn't the person you're interested in divorcing his/her spouse in favor of you? And there are a slew of reasons, ranging from those fatal to your relationship, to innocent ones such as it just being a comfortable routine. Hell, I know people that are basically just married for the tax benefits.

That said, while I have a more tolerant view on this than most others on this board, I still think it's a bad idea that is likely to end in some sort of misfortune or other. Communication between all parties is the only possible route for a long-term solution, though it is by no means foolproof, as it could result in the relationship being terminated early instead. However, if you don't try the communication route, you are essentially saying that this isn't a relationship you see lasting for the rest of your life.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Just so I know - 10/3/2012 1:49:18 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

If you're asking me, I don't.

I did when I was in my 20's but no longer appeals to me. Without love there is no sex.


I'm the same, and sorry, lw, I should have clarified that the question was pointed at the OP.

(I would have clarified earlier but I only just saw this now.)

Multiple sexual partners with everyone in the know requires the capacity to separate sex from love, unless you really, really miss Jerry Springer.


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There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Just so I know - 10/4/2012 9:18:13 AM   
lapgirl


Posts: 116
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		Yes. And my guess would be that if a Dom wants a married sub , he is likely to also be married.

(in reply to RemoteUser)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Just so I know - 10/6/2012 10:58:14 PM   
KenRath


Posts: 16
Joined: 7/5/2011
Status: offline 		It is possible to find all kinds of situations these days. Personally for me I avoid attached subs whether they have a bf or husband like the plague as it is not only against what I believe to be morally acceptable but has the potential to great a whole mess of issued I don't feel like dealing with.


That being said if it is something you are up for and can pull it off then I commend you and applaud your success.

< Message edited by KenRath -- 10/6/2012 10:59:06 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Just so I know - 10/6/2012 11:13:12 PM   
smartsub10


Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Well, her profile now states she's found her Master. That didn't take long at all.


He must have released her already. Her profile doesn't say anything about a Master.

_____________________________

Beauty fades...stupid is forever
~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

“Be that self which one truly is" ~Soren Kierkegaard

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 40
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