RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (Full Version)

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LadyEllen -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/19/2006 7:39:04 AM)

The best way to control a submissive? Manage his desire - this doesnt mean 24/7 chastity necessarily (though it could be). His submissiveness depends on and arises from his desire and your willingness to be the object of his desire, so if you can keep him boiling over then he becomes eager to please, and the most painful thing to him is your rejection.
E



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/19/2006 11:47:55 AM)

I am with many others here regarding having to take control away from a submissive.  It needs to be willingly given.
If your submission is driven by the verbal abuse and humiliation, then I strongly suggest that you find a Lady who is naturally into that and it comes easily to her.  Else you are creating work for the Domina, and I, for one, prefer to have an ongoing relationship that is natural. 
Fear?  The only thing I would hope that My jonathan  has to *fear* from Me would be the possibility of dismissal.  Since we both know what is expected, that should not happen.  I prefer happiness and fulfillment over fear.    Unless there is some sort of special scene.  But, remember, that is just a "scene".



ladylexington -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/19/2006 5:10:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

A slave that truly fears his Mistress will poison her cereal and take any keys he needs off of her dead body.



LMAO! And competely true.

My goal as a Domme isn't to take anything from subs, only to expand what they are able to give.

The popular approaches to control a sub (which are much more prevalent in BDSM fiction than in real life) often lead to a power struggle at some point. If the dominant wins, the submissive resents it, and is frequently diminished as a person. If the submissive wins, the mystic of the dynamic is often ruined. 

Conflicts arise and must be addressed. A dominant can, and should, modify behavior, but the conventional idea of control is more a myth than a day-to-day reality.



MistressDolly -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/19/2006 6:39:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: msangel4u

If one is one Dominant then she is in control. Let us not all forget however that the submissive as well is responsible for power exchange taking place. If one isnt willing to give up their power franklyI wont wrench it from you. I will show you the door. You wont have to be bothered with finding it yourself.

I expect certain behaviors and compliances. If you cannot give me what I seek then I will find one who can. That does not mean I will not let you know what my desires are. It just means you had better know its not a request. A bit of reluctance or needing training are never release issues, however I will not engage in an ongoing fight to have your submission. Its my due if you wish to serve me.

I was once asked what it means to be Dominant in a public play space. I looked at mine snapped my fingers and said put your nose to wall. He simply complied without question.

~^A^~


msangel4u:  I'm with you 100%.



MistressDolly -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/19/2006 6:44:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: demistress

I'm with alot of the other domme here.  I dont' want a slave or sub I have to TAKE control of.  If they do not offer their submission willingingly, I don't want it.


Precisely demistress: 
Submission is not only a desire,
it's a Decision too.



MistressDolly -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/19/2006 7:13:57 PM)

When he submits,  he decides and agrees to engage in the play of   "power exchange" - so there is no need to use force.  

However, if both decide to a play scene wherein he plays the part of a captured slave, then that is a different story. 

If he decides to submit to me, that means he agrees to surrender his will over to Me.  But if  he were always combative, just for the sake of being combative, I would loose interest right away.  Imo, he's a " Brat" and a  bottom topper.  While he  wouldn't be a match for me,  I suppose that would be okay for some other Dommes.

It doesn't matter what you're preference is,  so long as you communicate what your likes, dislikes, expectations, etc are, each party should be able to work something good out. 

-----If you want it tough and hard, tell her.  If you like it soft and sensual, tell her.   If you want it both ways, get down and beg her!  [:D]



LASub4Real -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/19/2006 7:42:46 PM)

I find that if the bar is set high at the beginning of the relationship and all the rules are made abundantly clear that control is much less of an issue.

LAsub



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/19/2006 11:50:57 PM)

I don't know the best way to control a sub or slave other than he is doing what he loves to do, submit/serve me, and I in turn am my loving, sexy, benevolent dictator self, and that works for us...  If that doesn't,  I'm fresh out of answers, lol. [8|]  M 



Misstoyou -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/20/2006 9:14:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LASub4Real

I find that if the bar is set high at the beginning of the relationship and all the rules are made abundantly clear that control is much less of an issue.



Which is why classroom management skills translate so seamlessly to domination. [:D]



LadyHugs -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/21/2006 7:50:41 AM)

Dear Voltare, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I've found a finger of ginger root in the 'ole poop plumbing gets their attention when the clinch their muscles--especially when fresh peeled.
 
Otherwise, taking away their cell phones, TV and remotes, PC, keys to their car as well as locking up their goodies, and my sadistic creative juices flowing works for me.
 
Respectfully submitted with a bit of wit,
Lady Hugs
 
 



thetammyjo -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/21/2006 10:08:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

quote:

ORIGINAL: LASub4Real

I find that if the bar is set high at the beginning of the relationship and all the rules are made abundantly clear that control is much less of an issue.



Which is why classroom management skills translate so seamlessly to domination. [:D]


I find this to be very true.

I not only apply my teachings skills to my domination but, ocassionally and with great care and constant reflection, some of my domination skils to teaching.

Two examples:

Modeling is a common method for teaching. If I want my slave to learn a new skill, learn a ritual, or even just plain learn slave positions I either have to model them or ask another slave of mine to demonstrate them.

Giving clear orders with expectations it will be obeyed is necessary for domination. My second day of teaching this semester half my students did not bring the materials I told them to bring the day before and which were also listed in the syllabus. I told them to go back home, get them, and come back to the class room and to hurry. They all did without question or hestitation.




theRose4U -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/21/2006 8:49:12 PM)

I shouldn't have to fight a boy to submit. If I must control him at all times, demand, berate and watch his every move it becomes work. Work isn't fun. I prefer a boy that is there mostly because he wants to be and secondly because his greatest desire is my pleasure.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/21/2006 9:03:28 PM)

I've never had a problem controlling my boy. He want to make me happy, and knows that his obedience does so.  There have been no power struggles, no pushing of boundaries... nothing. Maybe I am just extremely lucky, but I havent had any problems.  The best way, find one that truly NEEDS to serve, and then let his nature dictate his obedience.

DV



thetammyjo -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/22/2006 8:09:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

I shouldn't have to fight a boy to submit. If I must control him at all times, demand, berate and watch his every move it becomes work. Work isn't fun. I prefer a boy that is there mostly because he wants to be and secondly because his greatest desire is my pleasure.


Exactly.

I think I heard it first from Jack Rinella -- when the master has to do all this micromanaging and work then the master has in fact become the slave.

Not interested in that.



MasterKalif -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/22/2006 8:30:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

Amanda,

Oddly enough, I've found anal dildos to be rather effective as well. Men and women alike seem to be less ornery and arguementatitve under such discipline.

Chuckles.

Stephan


Stephan, small world...I am from Santiago, Chile....how do you like living there? regards, and apologies to all who are on the topic of keeping a submissive interested or devoted.



Voltare -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/26/2006 8:21:00 AM)

Kalif,

Well, it's inexpensive and not quite as cold as where I came from (Michigan) but the pollution is really getting to me.  Soon as gretchen finishes her studies, we're heading for either Valpo or La Serena for a while.  From there.... who knows?  From a lifestyle perspective, it seems to be a very... very small world.  Guess you take the good with the bad, eh?

(Also, sorry for the hijack of the thread.)  More on topic, I suppose I should point out the obvious :  sufficiant ropes, chains, or duct tape seems to keep a slave under control.  The mind eventually adapts to what the body can or cannot do.





MaamJay -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/26/2006 8:44:52 AM)

I'm with the others. Having struggled with a hubby who SAID he wanted to sub ... but then struggled to wrest back every bit of power he ostensibly yielded, I can attest to the fact that it's not much fun! It's damned hard work, emotionally exhausting and in the end, the constant rejection I experienced from him has led Me to now reject him and this time, there's no going back. Living with a spoiled brat was NOT what I signed up for. I am now seeking one whose desire it is to serve and I have a crystal clear idea of what I am seeking. Plus I also agree on fear, I don't want My sub to serve Me out of fear but out of love and a genuine desire to please. And for Me, it is not hypothetical, for my other side is such a willing sub/slave to Master. i have the self-discipline and inner strength to be obedient and i know the joy i get from serving Him in the everyday as well as the play. I am not seeking any more from a male sub than i am already giving to Master. Just got to find the right boy!

Mistress Jay aka violet[A]



herpet1313 -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/27/2006 9:40:11 AM)

 i have to say that it never ceases to amaze me how much one can learn from other's opinions.  Thank YOU to all the Dommes and Mistress's who have replied to this important thread.
 Allow me to add my twocents worth.
 Mistress Nan and i have been married for 13 years. O/our relationship began as wild and crazy, but only within what one would call "vanilla' perameters. (i wish this site had spell check, bear with me.) Had it not been for my discovery of my inner submissive self, W/we would have stayed there. Obviously, there was a lot of "topping" necessary and, due to all the misinformation and outrageous male fantasy smut on the internet, there was a lot of trial and error that occured to bring U/us where W/we are today. The hardest part for me was, and sometimes continues to be, knowing when to stop topping. To all fellow Femdom aspirers, let me suggest Elise Sutton's website and book. (google it). Not only did it cut through all the bull, but it helped both of U/us to understand that while O/our desires for a Femdom marriage,  was different from society's norms, W/we were not alone.
 Back to this thread.  i am, in no way, suggesting that just because this was initially my idea that Mistress needs to constantly cater to my wants and needs. But, any Mistress should learn what HER submissives hot buttons are. All submissive males have them, and while most can be dismissed by the Mistress as pure fantasy or out of HER character, SHE would be wise to use those buttons SHE also enjoys.
 24/7 Femdom in a marriage,  is extremely difficult.  The success of O/our marriage will always come first and i will always be there for HER when SHE needs HER man.  
 All Femdom relationships, as with any other relationships, are different and unique. Personally, i think those that state that a submissive's servitude is a gift unto itself and that it alone is it's own reward is somehat of a pie in the sky attitude. It is a two way street. i have freely given myself to HER.  HER dominance, and expressions of, is all i ask in return.
 i have been selfish in the past. That is a fact i won't deny. i am still learning and evolving to be the best that i can. i am ever so grateful for this website, and especially this thread.
                                                                                                    herpet



glassdoll -> RE: What is the BEST WAY to Control a Submissive or Slave (9/27/2006 6:55:03 PM)

sexual relationships of any nature should not be described by the word "fear". you can be powerful but not overwhelming.



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