RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (Full Version)

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IrishMist -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (7/31/2012 12:09:31 PM)

quote:

How would you explain to a non-participant that D/s is symbiotic in nature, How do you put into writing that submissives need pushing, need that discipline

You don't.
You simply explain how YOU feel about it and leave the rest to make their own decisions.



GreedyTop -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (7/31/2012 12:14:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

How would you explain to a non-participant that D/s is symbiotic in nature, How do you put into writing that submissives need pushing, need that discipline

You don't.
You simply explain how YOU feel about it and leave the rest to make their own decisions.



+1



topcat -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (7/31/2012 1:06:51 PM)

I usually point out that humans like structure in relationships- that they feel comfortable when they know how things work, and that in new situations, they like being able to fall back on preset behaviors.

( I'll often point out, if someone argues this, that a small child can be kept happy for hours with simple 'call and response' games)

It needn't be a rigid structure, something confining or restricting- IMX, the more open the structure, or 'framework' if you like, the stronger it is.

I think a lot of relationships fail because both partners think there are rules- but having never discussed them, they are working with different sets of rules, and often, neither is willing to 'push' their rules on the other- until it comes down to it, when they suddenly realize they have been having two totally different relationships.

I am a conflict theorist- I believe that a power differential exists in any interaction, and I believe that authority derives from responsibility, and that my relationships, because they acknowledge this, function better for all involved.

Notice I didn't mention top/bottom, dominant/submissive, male/female, master/slave/whateva in any of that?




littlewonder -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (7/31/2012 6:24:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

Howdy howdy, LaT :)

I agree, to me, it's not "traditional" - tradition was done "just because" - based on ideas about gender roles. D/s is intentional and conscious.


For me it really is very traditional and my beliefs of a relationship for me and how it should be, man of the house and his "little woman" doing what her husband tells her to do. The "just because" works perfectly for me. lol



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (7/31/2012 9:07:49 PM)

Most people don't ask about D/s relationships. They want to know about the ropes, laser, whips and chains

If they actually ask about the D/s part my answer, which isn't entirely true but not entirely false: it's a really drawn out sex game that allows for amazing orgasms. I have never seen it explained in words that would mean anything to someone who was 'just wondering.'

If someone was really interested in the topic because they were interested in pursuing it, my answers would be like the ones you have already heard. Trying to explain to a fellow American why we do what we do is likely to fall on deaf ears - we are taught from birth that submission and slavery are evil and wrong.

ETA: How did laser get in there?

I meant to put in 'leather.'



littlewonder -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (7/31/2012 9:15:28 PM)

laser sounds more fun and hip. [:D]



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (7/31/2012 9:43:07 PM)

Here I was all set to defend my decision to explain it away as a sex game and you come back with, "lasers are cool."



Rochsub2009 -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (8/1/2012 6:36:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UKEvolutionary
How would you explain to a non-participant that D/s is symbiotic in nature, How do you put into writing that submissives need pushing, need that discipline. How would you put it into words so that a vanilla person could understand ?


As others have stated, there are several flaws in your question.

Firstly, not all submissives need pushing and discipline.

Secondly, I'm not sure that describing D/s relationships is any more difficult than describing vanilla relationships. Think about it for a moment. Aren't all vanilla relationships different? Same goes for D/s relationships. So trying to lump them all into one basket is an exercise in futility.

However, in many marriages, doesn't the couple agree that the man is the head of the household? Well D/s is no different. One party (not necessarily the man) is the head, and the other party submits to their leadership. See, that wasn't so hard, was it? [;)]



kalikshama -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (8/1/2012 8:32:41 AM)

quote:

If they actually ask about the D/s part my answer, which isn't entirely true but not entirely false: it's a really drawn out sex game that allows for amazing orgasms


Ya, this is essentially what I say.



JeffBC -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (8/1/2012 8:41:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Secondly, I'm not sure that describing D/s relationships is any more difficult than describing vanilla relationships. Think about it for a moment. Aren't all vanilla relationships different? Same goes for D/s relationships. So trying to lump them all into one basket is an exercise in futility.

However, in many marriages, doesn't the couple agree that the man is the head of the household? Well D/s is no different. One party (not necessarily the man) is the head, and the other party submits to their leadership. See, that wasn't so hard, was it? [;)]

*nods*

This is exactly why I say that anyone having a hard time "explaining" this stuff to a vanilla isn't really trying to explain anything.



sunsfire -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (8/1/2012 9:16:11 PM)

my simplistic explanation: D/s is about serving... complete and total selfless service. *points to her signature*



littlewonder -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (8/1/2012 9:22:19 PM)

Being that it seems to me the op is a male dom and I'm assuming he dates submissive women, I don't understand why he just can't tell them he just has a traditional relationship. I mean it's basically the same thing, unless he's just into kinky sex and if that's all you just say, hey, we like it rough, smile and walk on. I don't think this type of stuff is really all that difficult and you don't need to explain any further than that unless you're an exhibitionist or attention seeker.



sexyred1 -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (8/1/2012 9:28:40 PM)

I don't need to explain D/s to anyone. If I was forced to, I would say it not a traditional relationship, it is actually far from it.

It is consensual,multifaceted, and fluid.

It allows two people to experience their true nature in whatever manner they have decided to play that out.

This is how it is for me.



NuevaVida -> RE: D/s Dynamic.... How do you explain it ? (8/1/2012 9:49:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep



I agree, to me, it's not "traditional" - tradition was done "just because" - based on ideas about gender roles. D/s is intentional and conscious.


Totally agree with this.

I haven't had to explain my relationship much. If I'm asked, I say I tend to be submissive in my intimate relationships, and follow his direction.

I don't explain to people what my sexual life is like. There are a few very close to me who I talk to, but that's it.

In a nutshell, though, I obey him, he has authority over me, and we like kinky sex/play.



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